


I Don't Love You

by exul_ansis



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Drunkenness, Hazel Levesque is a Good Sibling, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, Jason Grace is a Good Friend, Love/Hate, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Nico di Angelo Speaks Italian, Nico feels too little, Panic Attacks, Post-Gaea & The Second Giant War (Percy Jackson), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reunion Party, Self-Hatred, Semi-Public Sex, Strong Physical Attraction, Supportive Hazel Levesque, UNDER REVISION BY AUTHOR READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, Underage Drinking, also they're both minors, and they're both basically cheating, and they're both sweethearts, everyone is tipsy at a certain point, he also thinks in italian sometimes, just sometimes though, minor every canon relationship between the seven, mostly cussing, nico has ptsd, nico's ptsd also comes with other emotional stuff, read the symptoms for a better understanding of the picture, they're on a beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:42:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 61,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23159482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exul_ansis/pseuds/exul_ansis
Summary: It wasn’t even Nico who initiated physical contact with his boyfriend most of the time, and when he did, it was probably because Percy fucking Jackson was filling up his mind and his pants like a fully open faucet does with a clogged sink.For this reason, he dreaded those monthly reunion parties a bit more every time. But still, even hating the sight of the son of Poseidon with all his heart, it was for him apparently the only thing to look forward to during the weeks. And, since the day after was going to be the day in which Nico wouldn't have had the chance to avoid Percy anymore, he was feeling extremely restless. And for once, it was not because of his nightmares.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo/Percy Jackson, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 18
Kudos: 90





	1. The Night Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just basically the prologue, I'll post the other chapters once every week.
> 
> Also my first language is Italian, so some things will probably be incorrect or not quite right. Just point them out in the comments please if you have the patience to. 
> 
> Thank you and enjoy!

From the moment he got back at camp, nothing had ever been the same.

He had, of course, decided to come back based on his feelings for Will. But, also, for convenience. 

Being alone for most of four years surely had caused some troubles for himself and even more for people like Hazel who actually worried about him once in a while. After the striking realization that not everyone in the world was out to get him, jumping into every closest shadow was simply not worth it anymore.

Will was working hard to be the boyfriend that he thought Nico needed, and he was grateful for that. Issues arose occasionally, like in every relationship, Nico thought, but they never seemed too heavy on his shoulders, Will being the first to not take them that seriously. Sometimes, Will seemed to be overly cautious when talking to him, as if he was afraid every word could somehow break him. Which was funny since, between the two of them, the one on the battle frontline had always been Nico.

Nico had been the one to survive Tartarus. Sort of survived, let’s say. Thinking about it, indulging in the memory of that experience was probably another way for him to have control over the everyday dose of emotional pain and loneliness he felt. He had many distractions in the Underworld, and the majority of them always meant bad consequences for his body, mind, and soul. If he still had one, that is.

Nico acknowledged the idiocy of doing what he usually did to indulge in his own negative emotions, but he hadn’t been able to stop. It was pretty difficult to keep on feeling nothing when the air that you’re breathing tries to suffocate you and you feel your skin almost melting from the infernal heat. Some nightmares still lingered in his mind at night but, at least, Will seemed to have this healing aura that kept him relatively calm when flashbacks bothered him during the day.

But anyway, the point was, his strength was acknowledged by approximately everyone that knew him. Not that it was flattering scaring half of the people he randomly met at camp, but everyone – including him – was now used to him looking creepy, for whatever reason.

But, it was in those moments, laying down on his bed at night in the darkness of the Hades cabin, that Nico would find himself thinking about the fact that, after he had come back, everything felt… boring. Or, better, it became dull. Empty.

He didn’t know if some kind of psychological effect was to blame for blocking out emotions from traumas he had experienced, like Will mentioned once (and what is trauma when you’re a demigod, really?). But even if that were to be the case, it didn’t change the fact that it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to describe his feelings at any point during the day.

He still remembered the first time he had started to really talk to Will. The sweet feeling in his chest had been enough to make him understand that he liked spending time with him but, when the moment came to state what exactly was the nature of their relationship, he had hesitated. Yes, they definitely had kissed more than once and yes, that specific son of Apollo was still one of his favorite persons at camp and Nico thought he had made that clear. But, what about it? Was that the love that every song and every novel always talked about?

He had never expressed this to Will, but his boyfriend was used to his silences and to read between the lines. It was clear that Nico didn’t want to talk about it, mostly because he himself didn’t understand even half of the situation.

And, from there, his brain always came up with one name: Percy Jackson.

His first crush and first human being Nico thought about day and night, for one reason or another. He still remembered how he couldn’t even name what he felt for Percy, at the start. He had labeled it “hate”, like being obsessed with someone to the extent of dreaming about them approximately every night for whole years could be defined "hate". With that reasoning, though, he could always blame it on his fatal flaw.

Still, waking up from those kinds of dreams always left him feeling frustrated and pretty upset. It’s not a great thing to be attracted to the boy that presumably, in his pre-teen mind, had killed your sister.

Thinking about that now weighed heavily on his chest and made the loneliness start pushing even harder on his shoulders.

Despite that, he couldn’t do anything about the wave of that _something_ Percy made him feel. And he had tried. He still called him “Jackson” to detach himself from that name since, in his head, Percy managed to never come down of that pedestal Nico had created as soon as they had met, when he was still a kid. The person on that pedestal was simply called “Percy”, a name to which he attached a sweet feeling of affection that he didn’t even believe he could experience. Jackson, on the other hand, was what he saw with his eyes. The seventeen-year-old boy who, despite everything he went through, still managed to keep that stupid grin on his face and look at him with those stupid green eyes and talk with that stupid out-of-place humor.

Every time Nico had tried to ignore him, during whatever occasion, he had found himself staring at Percy from a distance without seeming to stop. Then, he would come back to his senses by himself, but there were sometimes where people like Jason or Hazel had to drag him out of it.

Nico had never told his sister despite thinking that, her being all but stupid, she would have figured that out on her own. Jason knew, on the other hand, and found that behavior of his funny. He seemed to especially find amusing what Nico had decided to tell Percy after the last War. “Did you seriously have the nerve to lie in his face?” The son of Jupiter had asked him after founding out what had happened directly from Percy.

Nico would have liked to tell him that, honestly, he had been clueless about what to do when he had decided to close that being-in-love-with-Percy chapter of his life once and for all. He simply went up to Percy one day, uttering out those sentences without even consciously thinking about them. After that, and after the internal panic that had followed, he had felt the need rephrase; so, he told Percy that he was “not his type”. Like it was all in the past. Like it didn’t matter anymore.

It was not a blatant lie, in the end. Those loving feelings he had felt in the beginning really did, though slowly, turn into an insatiable physical attraction with age and the knowledge of what his body was drawn to.

Nobody knew anything about it, except himself.

Between one dream and another at night – or during the day, when Nico was too tired to even just get out of bed and take part in some camp activities, Percy’s face would appear in his mind, along with Percy’s body. And oh, what did Percy Jackson’s body do to Nico’s mind. Every single element of his looks acted like some button, turning on every instinct Nico could hope to suppress during the day. Will was definitely attractive, but the effect was just not the same.

It wasn’t even Nico who initiated physical contact with his boyfriend, most of the time, and when he did, it was probably because Percy fucking Jackson was filling up his mind and his pants like a fully open faucet does to a clogged sink.

For this reason, he dreaded those monthly reunion parties a bit more every time.

But, still, even hating the sight of the son of Poseidon with all his heart, it was for him apparently the only thing to look forward to during the weeks. And, since the day after was going to be one of the days in which Nico wouldn't have had the chance to avoid Percy anymore, he was feeling extremely restless. And, for once, not because of his nightmares. The more time passed, the more difficult it was becoming to hide the reactions Percy caused to his insides.

And this was starting to scare him.


	2. The First Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for the kudos/bookmarks/everything. I really appreciate being appreciated. Okay but jokes aside, I really hope you'll like this first chapter. 
> 
> I had to change the rating from Mature to Explicit because I'm stupid and cannot think ahead. Sorry about that. Also, I had to change some of the tags since well, it's not just mentioning PTSD at the end. So yes, Nico is suffering and Hazel is basically the great person that she is.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Also if you have any suggestions for like, sentence formulation and everything you're welcome to correct me. I'll stop now.)

While he was trying to decide what to wear for the reunion that night, Nico was asking himself whose damn idea it had been to include everyone that ever resided on the Argo II, and not just the Seven, in the party invitation.

He appreciated the kindness and the inclusiveness of whoever that was but, honestly, he thought about it as another way with which the universe was letting him know that it disliked him.

He was wasting too much time trying to find what to wear since, spending the majority of his time inside when he could and not receiving visits that often, he always let himself too loose concerning the cleanliness of the cabin. He understood why Chiron always insisted on the weekly cleaning hour with later inspection in the morning and all that stuff. Furthermore, when he could have days in which he only went out for his daily meal, it was really easy to forget about the external world inside a windowless, solid black obsidian-wall cabin.

From one of the coffin-shaped beds, he picked up what looked like a black-and-white-squares button-down shirt, and decided that he already spent too much of his time thinking about something that nobody except him cared about. They had seen him at his absolute worst and they surely didn’t expect him to look his best. None of them.

The one thing that still made him care was the thought that Percy, seeing him all dressed up and everything, could have given him some sort of satisfaction like looking at him for more than two and a half seconds. But it was simply that, meaning, a fantasy. _Get a grip_.

He slid into the shirt and rapidly put on a pair of his skinny black pants, taking off the silver chain attached to their side. He didn’t want to remind everyone that he was the weird one out of all of them. He wanted to try and fit in for once. _For Percy_ , said a voice in his head.

Nico squeezed his eyes shut at that thought, cringing at his own mind. He decided he deserved a couple of slaps on his face, so he did that himself. After wrinkling his nose at the stinging pain and putting on his black worn-out shoes, he felt his cheeks suddenly warming up and managed to rapidly regret what he just did.

He prayed to the gods that the marks on his face were not as evident as he felt them being, and exited the cabin holding his breath. He also regretted not putting on his aviator jacket but was glad he didn’t when the warm, humid June evening weather and the tightness in his rib cage were starting to make him a bit flushed.

Every step towards the beach felt like one more step towards the gallows and all that tension on his shoulders and neck started acting up when he began playing with his ring. He had forgotten to take it off this time too, but it always made him feel weirdly safe and… right. Like that was the symbol of him belonging to something, of his status as Bianca’s brother and Ghost King, whatever that meant. He couldn’t tell why he needed a piece of metal on his finger to remind himself of those things, but he just let it be.

He tried to concentrate on the sea air and the heat coming from the ground soil, and he almost managed to calm himself down with all those breathing techniques Will had shoved into his thick skull.

When he got closer to the beach, the sound of Percy’s voice rang in his ears, as it seemed to cover all the length of the seashore.

“… miss the beach like it is now. I wouldn’t trade it for all the Greek islands in the world.”

When his mind associated that voice to the face that he too often saw in his dreams, his legs autonomously decided to stop on the white sand, about a hundred meters from where the group had gathered around the picnic tablecloths.

Nico’s eyes spontaneously looked for the face of the boy that voice belonged to and, as soon as they laid on that fucking smirk on top of those fine features and those emerald eyes lit by the orange light of the sunset, he knew he couldn’t do it. Screw whatever strong and unperturbed mask he had on a few seconds before, he really couldn’t do it. _Merda_.

How could he even have thought that it was okay for him to show up? He was too weak. He didn’t want to do it, not the evening before, not then, and definitely not the day after that. He turned on his heels, and when he tried to get back on his tracks, Jason’s voice echoed much closer than he had hoped it would be.

“Nico! You’re late. We were waiting for you to really start unwrapping everything…”

_Cazzo, ma perché a me?_

As Nico was forced to turn around his eyes laid on the son of Jupiter that, while running towards him, was looking at him with an amused look on his face. He knew Nico was trying to run. He, in turn, would have preferred the blonde to not laugh at him in that situation, but Jason was not someone who let things slide and turn the other cheek.

“Don’t tell me you were avoiding us again. We invited you for a reason, you’re part of the group.” Murmured him with a low tone, making sure the others would not hear. At least Nico could be grateful for that.

One of Jason’s hands placed itself in between his shoulder blades, encouraging him to walk towards the others that, in the meanwhile, were attentively looking at the two of them with welcoming expressions on their faces. That obviously included Jackson, with that dumb smile still fixed on his face that Nico just wanted to remove with a couple punches on his cheeks.

“You shouldn’t have waited for me. You know how it is half of the time, I cannot even wake up at the right time and end up being late.” Nico said, as honestly as possible.

And it was true, for the most part. Jackson surely made a good conversation topic with himself the days of the reunions, and it surely didn’t help his already existing indecision and desire to cancel all evening plans.

At that moment Nico noticed how the son of Poseidon seemed to be smiling at him for a bit too long for his taste, and feeling Percy’s eyes on him was definitely adding on the tenseness of his nerves.

At least he could blame it on the fact that he spent more than five minutes choosing what to wear, for once, like all the others evidently did.

“I don’t mind sunbathing a bit before eating. And it’s also just around six, I don’t think anyone is in a rush to eat. Right, guys?” Spoke Annabeth, looking at everyone in the group for confirmation. Like she even needed to.

“Agreed. Percy was just expressing his love for seascapes, could you believe that?” Said Hazel, smiling softly while gesturing for Nico to sit beside her on the blanket.

Jackson in turn just snorted at the last comment, crossing his legs on the spot directly in front of them. Nico gladly accepted his sister’s invitation to sit beside her, and after gradually waving everybody hello and having accepted a kiss on the cheek from Hazel, he brought his legs closer to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees.

He again tried to concentrate on everyone but one of them, and his gaze fell on the food baskets in front of him. It wasn’t that much stuff, but the point of the reunions was never to just eat. Reunions consisted of them talking while occasionally grabbing a bite of something from whoever was actually able to cook, which meant Hazel, Leo, and surprisingly for Nico when he found out, Jason. Frank also knew his way in the kitchen, but according to him he was able to manage only a couple of traditional dishes that his mom and grandma constantly cooked for him when he was a child. Piper was no stranger to the kitchen either, but from what Nico understood it was not one of her first interests. The ones from which no one expected any food prepping were Annabeth, Percy, and of course, himself. Not that he needed to cook, considering his low appetite and scarce interest in taking care of himself. He had Will to worry about that already.

“So, got any news you wanna talk to me about? You keep liking it here?” His sister asked, with a slight nudge on his side.

He didn’t exactly know the answer that kind of question. He didn’t know what in his life he could categorize as news, mainly because he didn’t have enough dedication or interest to start new projects or activities. He preferred his bed to basically everything in and outside camp.

“The usual. Will keeps on pretending to be my GP and personal trainer, but that’s not news.”

“As I thought. It's good that someone else is interested in your well-being since you definitely are not.” Hazel replied, smiling.

“Hey, I have stuff to do. No one is telling you to worry about me.” He bit back.

“Well, last time we saw each other you told me about the nightmares and you also seemed skinnier, I think anyone in my shoes would worry about you.” She replied calmly.

“That was weeks ago…” He muttered under his breath, just to have the last word.

They had this conversation many times before, but Nico still couldn’t wrap his head around why people around him seemed to constantly worry about him. They should be more concerned with themselves, since most of the time it wasn’t him who was being sent on dangerous quests on the other side of the country.

“Guys,” Called Jason. “Does someone want to update the others about something? Otherwise, since we’re all here, we could start eating.”

“I’ll go first!” Started Leo, a smirk surfacing on his lips. “I have something to show you later. It could be a surprise, but no spoilers. It’s an idea that has been approved by the big boss and I’ve been working on it for months.” He concluded with the tone of someone who really wants to say more.

It had the desired effect, because everyone else started asking him questions right away. In the end, the conversation ended with Leo’s promise to escort everyone to Bunker 9 as a digestive walk after dinner.

“Percy, Annabeth, did you start prepping for New Rome after summer?” Piper chimed in, switching everyone’s attention to the golden couple in front of Nico.

Watching them smile at each other a few moments before replying did nothing to him but making his desire to stand up and walk away with a stupid excuse grow exponentially inside of him. But, given social norms and the fact that, apparently, the people around him didn’t particularly stick to their own business, that thought had to remain a fantasy.

“We are getting used to the city and best planning the move. We still don’t have that many occasions in which we can discuss together how we are going to do it, but in the following months I hope we’ll have everything we need to move permanently.” Replied Annabeth with a professional tone, but in which Nico could spot some kind of happiness or satisfaction.

“Personally, I know I will miss Camp Half-Blood too much to just give up every meeting and my duties here, but I still have to figure out how to make everything run smoothly.” Followed Percy shortly after, causing an eye-roll from his girlfriend beside him.

“He thinks it’s possible to live two separate lives without considering what duties he should potentially carry out if he decides to live in New Rome _and_ start University.” Annabeth pointed out, with a note of sarcasm in her voice.

“I think it’s possible because it _is_ , wise girl, you’re the one that doesn’t believe in me with all your calendars and lists.” Percy talked back with a note of irony, probably trying to provoke her.

“What’s wrong with lists?” Asked Jason, but both of them seemed to be off in their own world.

“It’s precisely because I am organized and _you_ are not that you should follow my advice. It’s a shame your head is too full of seaweeds and seahorses to understand that.”

“Say what you want, but I know myself better than you and I’m telling you that you should trust me since I’ve been saying this for months! Give me a chance!”

“Forgive me if I care about you not being stressed and not living a messy life from the fact that you always want to do everything never considering how much time you have in your hands – “

“Okay! Guys! We understand the situation, but we can discuss this with a full stomach, yes? Only if you want to.” Hazel chimed in, trying to cool them down.

Both Percy and Annabeth had this way of interacting with each other that Nico could never understand. It seemed like an endless debate class, and even though he could see the appeal in being constantly thrown into a discussion for some people, he honestly didn’t want that for himself. He wasn’t good with words and even less with choosing a side and sticking to his own ideals, and he despised whoever tried to talk to him just to have someone to pick on.

This was also because he had a short fuse and he acknowledged that, even though he couldn’t see a reason why he would want to do something about it. He considered it as something to add to the list of reasons why Percy Jackson was definitely not his type. The last thing Nico needed was someone as stubborn and annoying as Jackson to spend the majority of his days with when he preferred to just be alone in the first place.

After Hazel's comment, Jackson managed to mutter a “Sorry…” after an agreeing gesture from his girlfriend, looking like a little kid scolded by his mother for breaking some house ornament that he was not supposed to touch.

Nico didn’t know what exactly his mind found in that expression, but his first instinct was to just throw the first thing he could reach directly at his face. He suddenly became aware of the frustration and annoyance he was feeling and Gods, he _really_ needed to blow off some steam.

Jason was the first one to decide for a change in topic, and he would have been grateful for that if only the blonde hadn't considered Nico as a tool for that purpose.

“So, what about you, Nico? Hazel, Frank?” The son of Jupiter asked, laying his gaze on every one of them in turn.

Nico let Frank speak first,, only so that he could think about something not that boring to say after him.

His life at Camp Half-Blood wasn’t exactly full of excitement, and he just recently decided to try out some of the activities like Will asked him to. He was still reluctant to try certain things like climbing, and the campfire singing thing held by the Apollo’s house would have definitely been a no for him if it wasn’t for his boyfriend desperately trying to involve him in that kind of thing.

He still had no projects for his future. He had something in his head asking him to maybe go back to school, since he never had to possibility to regularly educate himself after fifth grade. But every time he thought about it, all it took to push the thought back again was the image of a school probably far away from everyone and from camp and full of teenagers that, differently from him, were born in the last twenty years, had an actual house, a family to go back to and friends that didn't have to worry about dying every day of their lives. It gave him chills, and he had to admit that leaving Will and Hazel especially seemed to bother him, deep down. Working in Hell for his father was one of the options, but he knew too well Hades wasn’t keen on the idea of Nico being around him every day.

That left him with the two camps, which was exactly what he was already doing in the last months, but without a specific purpose. Having to deal with his hormones and his own adolescence was already a hard and bitter job by itself.

“… what about you, Nico?” Smiled Piper, making his stomach drop for a split second.

Good. Not only he didn’t pay any attention to the conversation, but all that overthinking led him to less than nothing. _Good job, Nico_.

He said the first stupid thing that came to his mind. “Nothing in particular. I’m already busy with my father’s requests and everything going on at Camp Jupiter, so I don’t have much time to think about what I'll do after this.” 

The others looked interested in what he had to say, like they expected him to continue. Evidently, they really _did_ fall for that, and that meant he managed to master his acting skills more than he realized until then. He now had to keep on talking, though.

He decided to give the only alternative topic at his disposition, hoping it would work.

“… Who would like to start?” Nico said while he directed his hand towards the picnic baskets in front of him.

It surprisingly worked. Maybe they realized that he had nothing else to say. He was always Nico di Angelo in the end. _Oh, ma stai zitto_.

They all started eating even though none of them looked hungry. It was all really light food like salad, a savory pie, some crackers, some Mexican corn dish that according to Leo was his favorite thing ever since he was a kid, and some fruit.

Nico managed to have a small bite of everything, but as usual, he didn’t manage to finish anything on his plate.

Eating was like going to war with himself every time. Not that he didn’t want to eat, but the numbness that he felt all around him every single day of his life that chased off every emotion from his brain also seemed to get rid of every flavor from his life, literally and figuratively. Even when he did try to eat, he could never enjoy the food because nothing _had_ a taste. Ambrosia was the only thing that still preserved some flavor, but he avoided it since it was always connected to the person that he was avidly trying to remove from his life.

While he was trying to think about anything but the fact that he was too frustrated to keep on pretending that he was enjoying the food, Jackson started searching through his backpack that he didn’t even notice since he arrived. Raising his gaze, Nico saw something that looked like a dark and big bottle coming out of Percy’s bag. The shape was the same that he sometimes saw on his father’s dinner table those rare times Nico found him eating in the castle's dining hall. He started praying.

“… And –“ Piper stopped shortly after. “Percy, is that…?”

“Red wine from Mr. D’s basement under the Big House that Travis and Connor Stoll stole to resell for special occasions?” The son of Poseidon stated, gaining back that fucking smirk that Nico was dying to rip off his face. “Yes, it really is that.”

Annabeth seemed to have entered a compliant silence in the meanwhile, wearing an expression that cheated her amusement. Nico, on the other hand, was not amused. If he was not happy before, now he was even less so.

All the others seemed excited by the surprise, though.

“No way!” Said Leo, a bit too high-pitched for his taste, suddenly drawn to the bottle still in Percy’s hand.

“Not kidding. This is for everyone.” Percy said proudly, positioning the bottle in the center of the circle. “Now that we also ate something, a glass or two should not be a problem.”

Jason seemed to drown his excitement in his conscientiousness for a moment. “Percy, are you sure this is a wise thing to do knowing the god you stole this from?”

“You’re not forgetting that he’s a god, right? Like, that he can do god’s stuff like turn you into a grape if he wants?” Also interrupted Hazel, evidently less critical than Jason but equally concerned.

“He could do that, yes, but I wouldn’t be the only one he should be angry at, in the end,” Jackson replied, looking at them with a relaxed and comforting smile. When he realized his smooth talk was not working, he continued with a more pleading tone. “Come on, Hermes’ cabin offered it to me, and I couldn’t just say no. You would have done the same Jas, I know you care about good manners.”

“I care about good manners enough to not steal from a god, but what’s done is done.” Said Jason with a lower, more mature tone, the one that he used when he had to give orders as a praetor at Camp Jupiter.

“Jas, come on, it’s just to celebrate.” Said Piper, looking at him slightly frustrated. “Percy’s right, even if they stole it, if Mr. D would have been more careful he would have noticed that already. I bet it was done with the best intentions.”

Hazel seemed to be convinced by that point. “I mean… What is done is done anyway, it’s better to just deal with the consequences if they’ll come.” She sighed beside Nico.

“If something should come up, I’ll deal with it. For now, let’s enjoy our price.” Annabeth stated in the end, and that was enough to make the Pontifex Maximum melt and to make Percy look at her like she was his new hero.

Leo was too busy reading whatever the hell was on the bottle label by that point. Regarding Nico, he was too busy burying inside himself whatever panic he was feeling at that moment.

“Does someone have a way to open this?” Percy asked cheerfully.

Everyone’s attention then shifted towards the son of Hephaestus. And for a good reason.

“You’re really asking me that?” Leo smiled with pride, immediately opening his fanny pack and burying his whole hand in it like it didn’t have any bottom.

A part of Nico really hoped that nothing useful would come out of that thing, and he prayed to the Gods that that bottle could stay closed forever. But, no. Obviously, Leo’s hand resurfaced holding a multi-tool, corkscrew included.

“May I, my lady?” Asked Leo softly and in a serious manner, extending his hand towards Percy and asking for the bottle.  
The smile of contentment on Percy’s mouth widened while passing the bottle in the other boy’s hands.

Everything in Nico’s mind was filled with anxiety. He never tried any alcohol before, but he fully understood what could have potentially happened from there. He had no idea of how much he was supposed to drink, and he had no idea what being tipsy was like, but of the few memories that he still held from the Lotus Casino there was one in which he remembered asking Bianca about what a bar was for. He also asked about why the people near it were behaving so weirdly for his standards. She then told him about what alcohol was and what it did to people’s minds. That conversation left him asking himself how would people ever want to endure something like that and call it “fun”.

At that moment, after ninety years of experience in that world, he could sort of understand the reason; but his fourteen biological years, along with his hormones and all the weird things that were happening to his body, were begging him to take that bottle and drown in whatever was inside.

If alcohol makes people happy and content and stupid then good, he might as well try.

He would have given anything just to stop the numbness. He wouldn’t have remembered anything after this anyway, if what his sister told him had been correct. He had really nothing to lose, in the end.

Once the cork was removed with a resounding _pop_ by Leo he, satisfied, passed it on to the son of Poseidon. Jackson then took everybody’s glass and, in turn, filled them up whole. When it came to him, Nico hoped that Percy hadn't noticed the strength with which he was trying to keep his arm from shaking, since he was trying so hard not to think about the fact that their hands were already too close to each other for comfort. He avoided looking at Percy in the eye to not put even more pressure on his nerves, and he managed to.

When the refilling round was over, the bottle ended up beside Jackson on the sand, and Annabeth was the first one to raise her glass for a toast.

“To Argo II.” She said with a smile.  
First Jason, Piper, Leo, Hazel and Frank and then Percy and himself did the same.

One “cheers!” later, the time to drink came. Oh, how much did he not want this.

The last image in his mind being Percy’s throat moving up and down while he drank the majority of what the glass contained, Nico got bored of himself and finally mimicked him, also because he had no idea what else to do.

He immediately regretted his choice. The first sip was smooth, but a few seconds later he felt something warm and rough crawling up towards his mouth from his stomach. He stopped right away, squeezing his eyes and with half of the content in his mouth still, he prayed that whatever that was would go away quickly.

Who in the world could like something like that? It wasn’t even refreshing in any way and his mouth was flooded with what felt like fruit-flavored pepper. What the hell was that thing?

“Nico, is everything okay?” Asked his sister in a low tone, laughing.

It took him even more willpower than it took him to get out of bed in the morning to swallow the rest, but he managed. He had to cough anyway at a certain point, before replying with a decent tone of voice.

“Yeah… I don’t understand what the whole Olympus sees in this thing. Is it always this bad?”

He found Frank giving him a sympathetic look, his glass still in his hand. “You get used to it. I don’t like it either, to be honest.”

“Oh, wow, _this_ is good wine! Nothing like what Nyssa brings to our construction races in Bunker 9.” Leo stated, his eyes sparkling like he just had a sip of nectar.

“Construction… what?” Piper asked, confusion on her face.

The son of Hephaestus looked surprised by that question. Then his expression changed, probably remembering how he never talked about that with anyone except his brothers and sisters. Maybe in his head, he did.

“Oh… We do construction races once in a while. Like, we build stuff and who finishes it first wins. The thing has to work though, otherwise it’s pointless. Other times we do that to update stuff we already have and it’s really cool. Now that we have Bunker 9, we have so much space for our stuff it’s crazy.” Replied Leo, gesturing like he did when he didn’t have something else already in his hands.

Other questions about Bunker 9 and about the secret events of the Hephaestus house followed, but Nico couldn’t care less.

He was already too focused on deciding if he should take another sip from the glass still in his hand, or if he should just leave it and see what would have happened in the next five minutes or so.

Then, his gaze fell on Percy again.

The sunset was gone now, and what remained in the sky was a thin ray of light that lit up the sky behind the son of Poseidon with violet and blue tones; the sea breeze was caressing the hair that were before resting behind his ears, moving them in front of his face, and the fact that Nico could still see the emerald of Percy’s eyes behind them annoyed him more than it should have. He felt his stomach retreat under the sand and _Oh, vaffanculo_ , he didn’t even care that he emptied all his glass in around two seconds.

He knew that Hazel was looking at him with a cryptic expression on her face, but he let it be. As always, he ignored it.

He really hoped he would have forgotten everything the morning after.

Half an hour later, Nico was starting to see double. His body felt like it was rippling like the waves in the near ocean and he didn’t feel any control over his thoughts anymore.

On one hand it felt terrible but, on the other and much bigger hand, he was feeling great. He was feeling good, deep down: no usual knots around his throat and guts, no thoughts about the fact that Will would have killed him if he knew, and no worries about what would have happened the day after. He probably also would have regretted the fact that he was laughing so hard at whatever Leo just said. He almost forgot how to laugh, and letting go was so freeing after… whatever amount of time passed since the last time he actually had fun.

“Damn, I remember the first time I ended up here. I would miss it so much if I were you, Percy, I couldn’t go live somewhere else without feeling homesick.” Concluded Leo, laying down on the sand on his elbows, staring into the night sky.

“We will miss camp, both of us…” Annabeth replied with a low and melancholic tone.

Percy instead seemed peaceful and content while thinking about whatever was going through his head.  
“I don’t even remember entering camp. The first memory I have here is me waking up in the infirmary near a head full of blonde hair and a girl that started teasing me after my mom was in Hell with Hades.” He said with a sarcastic tone, probably just wanting to spark a reaction in Annabeth.

Indeed, pretending he didn’t say anything, he kept on looking away waiting for her usual sharp comment.

Annabeth in turn just threw a side glance at him, a face half annoyed half embarrassed.  
“Stop it. Don’t think you were the only one with a tragic story. I didn’t even know who you were.” She replied after delivering a light nudge in between his ribs.

“I bet you already liked me.” Said Percy, ironically.

“No! In my mind you were just an idiot I was stuck with until we would have completed whatever quest Chiron asked us to complete. If it wasn’t for that, I would have never spoken to you.” Replied her sharply.

“Except you did, wise girl.” Laughed Percy, still pretending not to look at her.

“Stop it, I won’t keep this conversation going.” She lowered her voice, still a bit embarrassed.

Jackson seemed pretty amused, and it was exactly those kinds of conversations that Nico didn’t get. Seen from the outside they looked like a solid and happy couple, the kind that you can definitely see living together as a family. In his altered state, he could clearly see them in a single-family home in New Rome, Annabeth working on her laptop with glasses on her nose while Percy is in the kitchen playing with their three-year-old daughter that he’s about to take on a trip to the city, coming back from his Pegasus riding lessons at Camp Half-Blood.  
He could see that so well that the hole in his guts widened if he thought about himself in that same future.

He didn’t know where he would have been. He maybe would have managed to work for his father by then, or maybe he would have stayed at camp. Maybe Will and he too would have moved to New Rome.

Him and Will. He still didn’t know if he wanted to spend the rest of his life, or at least most of its part, with Will Solace. If he thought about it, he simply couldn’t imagine anything like that for him. Stuck with second best. Or last best, from what he knew and felt. He felt like an asshole, now that he was actually thinking about it.

All the others, they seemed to have found their place. Hell, Leo was a goddess’ boyfriend, for gods’ sake. Nico, in his mind, was just a son of Hades destined to be ostracized at least as much as his dad was from Olympus, and there was nothing that he could do about his miserable fate.

Exactly like there was nothing he could have done to save his mother, or Bianca. Hearing that name in his head still made his stomach drop a hundred miles down into the ground. He remembered how many times Bianca begged him to go on with his life, not minding the dead. _Non andare dietro ai morti,_ she told him. But years later, the only place he could call home was still Hell, and the only people who seemed to accept him as he was were ghosts.  
_If only Bianca…_

“Nico, everything good? Percy just asked you something.” Hazel’s hand on his shoulder woke him up from whatever he was thinking about, and his eyes laid on the boy in front of him.

Jackson was looking at him, expecting an answer to who knows what question. The others seemed to be talking between them, but he couldn’t distinguish the words.

As soon as he looked at the son of Poseidon, it was like a switch in his mind just went off. A part of him was already anticipating what would have happened shortly thereafter. He felt the hot anger filling up his chest and, as much as he had repressed that thought lately, he knew it could never disappear. That the person who held the fault of what happened to him was no one but Percy Jackson. If it wouldn’t have been for him Bianca would have lived, he wouldn’t have run away from everything, he would have never ended up in Tartarus and his dad maybe would have loved him.

He prayed his hands to stay still because his first instinct at that moment was to just wrap them around the other demigod’s neck and squeeze as hard as he could. He didn’t care about the worried look Hazel was giving him, and the serious look on Jason’s face when he realized that he was building up anger. It just wasn’t fair.

“I remember my first time at camp, too.” Nico finally said, with a tone that he hoped would feel cold to Percy as it felt to him when it crawled out of his lips. “I was ten. Someone just freed me and Bianca from the Casino and that school. You were sent to save us, so I think you should remember.”

Jackson seemed to not understand what all that was about. A confused look arose on his face.

“Yeah… Yes, I do remember, but…”

“You should also remember when you forced me to stay here while you escorted my sister towards her death, yes?” He continued, with the calmest tone he managed to pull out.

He briefly registered the silence that followed from his last statement and decided that he would cut out whatever Hazel was trying to say to him.

“Nico, I – “ Tried Percy then.

“No, it’s okay. Hades’ children are unlucky anyway, I bet that it’s not totally your fault.” He interrupted, looking at his glass on the sand, and decided that was the right time to leave.

While getting up he also got a glimpse of Annabeth’s frowned expression, though he couldn’t exactly place the emotion behind it. He chose to ignore all the others instead and focus again on the one in front of him.

“You ever think about what you could have done to stop what happened?” Nico continued, not even controlling his words anymore because there wasn’t the slightest reason why he should censor whatever he was saying.

He lowered his gaze on the bottle beside Jackson. He would have regretted that, he was sure. Someone would have told him the next day about what happened, but he would have never remembered anyway. He just found it cathartic, keeping on feeding the fire that he felt in his throat. The same sour feeling he got when he had to meet Percy’s eyes.

“If I were in your shoes I would think about that every time you think about your misfortunes, Jackson. Other people had it worse.” He concluded.

Nico registered the flash of hurt on Jackson’s face one last time before standing up, relying on all his remaining coordination to not stumble on his feet.

But it didn’t matter. That was the look he wanted to remember. Wounded, betrayed, pained like he had been all those years. And, most of all, he loved his silence.

“See ya.” Nico said while trying to walk firmly back towards his cabin.

He tripped once or twice on his own feet while speeding up towards the mess hall, praying that nobody was watching.

He should have been harsher, he knew that. All that anger was still there and didn’t show any signs of decreasing, even though he hoped that the image of Jackson’s shocked expression would have never left his mind. He hoped that he had suffered at least as much as Nico did, in Tartarus.

But, when finally passing the columns of the mess hall, he realized that no; Percy was with Annabeth when he fell. They were probably together while they were trying to survive the infernal heat, the river Phlegethon, and the demons in front of the Doors of Death. He was with the person that Nico assumed to be the one that gave him the most strength and willpower to keep on breathing even when it looked like there was no way out, while Nico was alone. As always, alone. And the only person that he would have liked to have beside him in those moments and that would have managed to give him the motivation to keep on going didn’t know he was even there in the first place.

He remembered how much pain it was, thinking about Percy’s face when Nico knew he would have never had the possibility to look at the son of Poseidon in the eyes to register every single detail of his face, to keep it in his memories when he didn’t feel like there was anything else to keep him from giving in.

 _Alone, huh?_ He squeezed his first so tight in his pockets that he could feel nails digging into his skin. At that point, he noticed how it was becoming darker than he remembered all around him, and that the grass beneath his feet didn’t feel so soft anymore. Glancing at his shoes he found only dry, dead grass, in an almost perfect circle around him. He didn’t even realize that he stopped a few moments before. He didn’t know how many minutes had passed since he started to think about Tartarus again.

“Nico, wait,” Hazel called after him, her voice serious and demanding.

He stayed still, not wanting to face neither her, nor anyone else to be honest. He prayed for her to just give up and walk away, and for him to just disappear in the shadows around his body.

“I would like for you to calm down a bit before we talk… You’ll get tired if you keep on being like this.” Continued her, adjusting her tone to a calmer one, maybe hoping he would listen to her for more than one minute that way.

“We have nothing to talk about.” He said as coldly as he could manage, still hoping she would give up. He should have walked away faster.

“I think we do, and I know you don’t want to send me away. And even if you try, I will not leave until you’ll feel calm enough to talk.” She said while he felt her carefully walking closer to him.

“Talk about what, Hazel?” He sputtered, tightening his fists again as the last way to get a hold of himself. It didn’t work, considering that the darkness around him seemed to keep on growing.

“Of what you just said to Percy.” She replied gravely. “I know you didn’t mean that, but I would like to know why you seemed so angry at him.”

Nico evidently still hoped that she had come to talk about something else. Anything, really. That last sentence just cruelly deleted that possibility, and he started hating himself for coming to that fucking reunion in the first place.

“You want to know why I seem angry?” He then asked, knowing there was no escaping it anymore.

He could run, but he couldn’t hide from her. She was at least as stubborn as he was, and he didn’t want to be even more of an asshole, leaving his sister there without an answer.

“Yes, I would like to – “ Started her, but his was a rhetorical question.

“Because of him.” Nico interrupted. “It’s always because of him, it’s his fault my dad treats me like I’m nothing, his fault if everybody hates me at camp and I don’t even care if that’s true or not, it’s his fault if I’m this _thing_ that I don’t want to be and it’s because of him if I’m still here instead of locking myself up in the Underworld even if that’d be the only place in which I belong.”

He was talking too much, but he had given up on his self-control way before that conversation. He also didn't want to move, like being still could somehow isolate him from what he was saying. He turned around just enough to look at her sister in the eyes, while still trying to limit the amount of darkness and voices growing steadily around him.

“Nico, please listen – “ Tried her, a pleading look in her eyes. But he was already gone off his own monologue, and there was no turning back at that point. He had to spit everything out.

“And _don’t_ try to stop me from leaving or not saying sorry to a person that never cared about me. As much as he would like to believe that he saved me, the only thing that he ever did was making me lead a shitty life where I have to constantly run from everything to not fuck stuff up even worse than I already did, so go away and please tell him that I would like to not see him again for the rest of my – “

“Nico!” Hazel screamed, gaining his full attention.

He was finally quiet, as were the voices around him. They seemed scared of her as much as they were of him, and he suddenly remembered how much power she held but could control, contrary to him.

“I _know_ what it feels like to be alone. I’m a daughter of Pluto too, I don’t have a mother and differently from you never had a sister to count on growing up.” She said pointing at her chest, her tone filled with hurt. “Don’t think that you’re the only one who’s hurting, ‘cause we’re all suffering in one way or another. We all cried when the people we cared about died, and we all fucked something up, but it’s never anybody’s fault. Especially not Percy’s.”

She did seem pissed off, and realizing that made him even more pissed off at himself in turn. He already knew that what she was saying was true. Really understanding that it was though, was a different story. He didn’t want to believe it. There had to be a reason for him to feel that way and never getting better.

“You have no idea what it’s like for me.” He muttered, not wanting to give up the fight. Gods, he was so gone and he knew it.

“No, I don’t, but I know you cannot change what already happened and you can only move forward.” She objected, still trying to fight off her annoyance. “I thought you were doing fine. Why didn’t you tell me this before?” She kept on, but not before taking in a deep breath to cool herself down.

They were too many questions he didn’t want to answer at that point, and he was just too confused and angry and hurt to think straight. Lying was just not worth it anymore, and he just kept his mouth going without even knowing what would have come next.

“I didn’t want to tell you that I cannot stop thinking about him!” He hissed, still trying to hide behind words like always did when he couldn’t just stay silent.

He saw his sister’s expression change after that sentence. He knew he would have hated himself if he just had the mental capacity to understand the implications of what he was saying.

“Him who?” Hazel asked, tone dropping to a sweeter and reassuring one.

He didn’t care anymore. He felt the shadows retreating into the ground.

“Percy.” He confessed.

 _Fuck it_. He said it. No turning back or place to hide from that name anymore. And that feeling of sudden emptiness in his stomach did not even remotely feel good.

“Nico…” Whispered her, coming closer to him. “I knew already. Sorry, I just wanted to be sure.” She muttered, wrapping her arms around him like she always did when he didn’t even know he needed that.

“I hate him.” He muttered under his breath, but he was talking to himself more than he was talking to her at that point. “It’s all his fault.”

He didn’t even know what he was saying at that point. He was just glad she wasn’t looking directly at him, otherwise, she would have noticed how hard he was trying to keep his face straight and his emotions hidden from view.

“It’s nobody’s fault. Nobody hates you here or at Camp Jupiter. Percy cares about you, and our dad does too. You’re my brother, and I will always care about you too.” She said softly, her voice slightly shaking from the hurt of what he just said. “Please don’t feel like this.”

Nico could tell she really meant that. She was asking him not to feel like he was feeling almost every day of his life, so naïve to the fact that if he could have, he would have changed that right that second.

That plea still made it ten times harder for him to control his voice when he spoke next.

“You only care about me because I dragged you out of the Underworld.” He said, because he honestly believed that. He always had believed that, there was no way her love was there simply because he was his family and all that. She probably felt compelled to care about him because of that, and he was fully aware of that when he decided to give her a new life.

“Don’t say that ever again. I love you regardless of the fact that you’re my brother, and that you dragged me out of the Underworld. I love you because you’re you, Nico, exactly like all the others do.” He said that holding him tighter, to make him listen to her.

“Once, you told me that it was your father that saved you and Bianca from Zeus’ attempt to kill you, right? Why would he ever have done that if he didn’t care about you? And why do you think we, including Percy, were all so worried when you got kidnapped?” She replied, her voice cracking at the end.

He felt her take another deep breath against his chest, probably trying not to cry. Exactly like he was doing, but he wasn’t sure that he would have managed to if he would have decided to talk. “Please, stop believing what you want to believe and just look around you.” She pressed on, calmer this time.

He kept quiet in turn, knowing that whatever was about to come out from his mouth would not have been useful to his cause.

“You told me once that I had to live this life without thinking too much about the past, just because I couldn’t change anything about my past one. Why don’t you try following what you say, dummy?” She said then, a slight push meeting Nico’s chest when she talked.

Hazel then distanced herself a couple inches from him, just to quickly dry her eyes on her sleeve. Then, after lowering her gaze and holding in her breath for a couple seconds, she brought her hand to his face to cup his cheek and kindly caress it. He hated that expression of hurt on her face.

  
“You promise that you’ll talk to me, or Will, or whoever else about what goes on inside your head, instead of always handling stuff yourself? I thought we already had this conversation.” She continued, looking in his eyes with what it felt like a demanding gaze rather than an understanding one.

She was serious, and she expected an answer.

Nico hoped that the emotionless face that he was trying to keep while he looked into his sister’s eyes was being convincing enough when he decided to nod in response to her suggestion.

Every noise inside his head was joined by the thought of the lie that he just delivered to her at that moment.

He probably made her worried, all that time he kept avoiding her at Camp Jupiter. The thought that she might have suffered because of him and without a good cause if not the mere existence of Percy was making him furious at something he didn’t know yet. He simply couldn’t believe it was his own fault. Despite everything, he used whatever was left of his composure to keep on lying as convincingly as he could.

She nodded in turn, giving him sweet and caring eyes that seemed to look straight into his heart. One more minute and he was sure his mask would have crumbled but, luckily for him, her sister bid him farewell with the promise of talking to him the following day. She seemed tired while leaving him to get back to the others at the beach.

As he looked at her walking again towards the sea, he realized he was feeling both relief and discomfort in his chest. He felt on the edge of an abyss, and he was hating himself like he did just a few times before. He was a liar, an outcast, and now an asshole. With those words in his head, he realized that the shadows had faded from the periphery of his vision. At least that meant he managed to lock whatever he was feeling deep inside of him, and he could take pride in that. He decided that keeping on walking risking that somebody else would come and try to talk to him wasn’t worth it. Will, in the worst-case scenario.

He looked around, and disappeared into the shadow of a tree beside a near marble column, praying that his mind would at least allow him to not fuck up the shadow-travelling too.

His prayers were not listened, because as soon as the shadow dropped him in front of the Hades’ cabin, they evidently did hurry a bit too much, and it resulted in him ending up face-first onto its black façade, banging his head against the hard obsidian wall. Now he could add this to the list of reasons why shadow travelling wasn’t useful when it came to running from something. _Sei un idiota, Nico di Angelo_.

He held his head in his hand after gritting his teeth and hissing from the pulsating pain on his forehead, but he got up shortly after with his head spinning even more than it already did.

While entering the cabin, he even felt judged by the empty eye sockets of the skull hanging on his front door, and when he closed the door, he hoped the damage was done for that night.

He quickly undressed before picking up the old t-shirt he used as his only pajamas. He put it on and, for some reason, the floor beside his bed seemed much more inviting than his bunk did. So, he laid on the cold tile floor staring at the ceiling above him while he got back at playing with his ring.

He was a complete duchebag, and he was realizing it just then. What the hell got to his head, saying those kinds of things in front of everyone just to have the satisfaction to vent his anger to the guy that didn’t do anything to him apart from existing in the first place?

If his sister would have been there, she would have laughed at him at least as much as he would have liked to laugh at himself. Good thing she opted for rebirth.

The plain black ceiling of the cabin gave him very little comfort considering the mess that was his head at that moment. It would have been nice to just cry, but it was like the tears were just pouring out inside of his skull instead of outside. He didn’t even remember the last time he did cry.

He brought his hands to his face to cover it and closed his eyes trying to take some comfort from the darkness behind his eyelids. It didn't work, because for some reason the world kept spinning and swaying also behind his closed eyes and he managed to feel seasick in just about a few seconds. He forced himself to open up his eyes again while he sat on the floor before the wave of nausea could do anything to his half-full stomach. He couldn’t say if his stomach was contracting because of the alcohol or because of what everything that happened that evening was making him feel, but the nausea didn’t stop once he sat upright. Rather, it worsened for a few seconds, forcing him to lower his head on his knees while he tried to breathe deeply and tried to concentrate more on the movement of his lungs and less on the fact that his head was about to explode from the pressure of his thoughts and his heart felt like it was about to collapse.

_Perché?_

Nico really would have liked to know why he always had to be the author of his own misfortunes in one way or another and, if it really were four years, then why did he still miss Bianca so badly.

He didn’t even notice how his breath got quicker in those few seconds, and the first thing that came to his mind was the first time that, reaching the Acheron after an exhausting walk through the central wasteland of Tartarus, his head began to fill with all those screaming and pleading voices that begged him to join them in the dirty and rough water of the river. He never managed to concentrate on one single voice, luckily for his sanity, but he could understand that what they were crying out were the most gruesome details of the sins and crimes they committed. Hid body in his cabin was exactly as drained, hot and on the verge of collapsing as it was then, and the images in his head started to take the shape of those weeping voices and of the thoughts of death and agony that filled up his skull so much that for more than one moment he really did consider jumping into the water to make everything stop.

Only at that moment, he realized that he was probably falling into a flashback, and that the sense of dread and despair he was feeling had nothing to do with what happened that evening anymore. He amended his statement about not wanting to see Will that night. He would have known what to do, for sure. He was used to him being a mess. But at that moment he was, again, alone, and he honestly felt like dying again.

With that little bit of sanity he had left, he managed to crawl back towards the cold wall, pushing his back against it like Will had taught him, trying to get back to the present. Never mind that he was terrified his heart was about to give in and the fact that he could not feel his face anymore. But there was no monster chasing him anymore, no feeling of complete emptiness in his stomach, and above all, there was no fucking infernal river in which he really wanted to take a bath and drown in and all that bullshit. He was also sweating too much to feel comfortable, but he had to remind himself again that being hot didn’t necessarily mean being back again in front of the Doors of Death.

Despite it all, his breath wasn’t slowing down and this left him with the familiar emotions of frustration and anger.  
_Smettila, cazzo, stop_.

When he realized just how tight his right fist was, it was already too late to stop it from connecting with the pavement under him, punching it with a sound that he really didn’t want to hear. The pain he felt shortly after though acted as a stimulus that brought him back to reality for a split second, apart from being finally the only sound different from his breathing inside the quiet cabin.

Finally, he felt salty water streaming down his cheeks, and he almost felt relieved. If he was crying, then it meant that his body was not as dehydrated as it probably was then, and this added another layer of relief to his mind.

The heavy breathing persisted, but he managed to calm his heart after what it felt like minutes. Slowly and reluctantly, he got up from the floor to lay on his softer and warmer bed. He was still sweaty, but it was the last thing he was worried about at that moment.

Staring at the ceiling again and holding on tight to his skull ring, he somehow managed to doze off always thinking that, if anything should ever have happened, his sword would have always been there, resting against the cold wall on the right side of his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations of the few Italian terms in the chapter (in order of appearance):
> 
> Merda: lit. Shit.  
> Cazzo, ma perché a me?: lit. Fuck, but why to me? (m. Fuck, why me?)  
> Ma stai zitto: lit. Oh, but shut up. (m. Oh, shut up)  
> Vaffanculo: lit. Fuck you. (m. Oh, fuck that)  
> Non andare dietro ai morti: lit. Don't follow the dead. (m. Don't bother going after dead people)  
> Sei un idiota, Nico di Angelo: lit. You're an idiot, Nico di Angelo.  
> Perché?: lit. Why?  
> Smettila, cazzo: lit. Stop it, fuck. 
> 
> I thought about putting numbers or asterisks inside the text but I thought it would have been too much, lol. Really sorry for that.
> 
> See you next week for the next chapter and ty again for reading.


	3. The Second Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again. so I'm late because of uni exams and stuff so I had to finish the chapter in like, two days or something. I also tried writing directly in English and not translate from Italian as my friends suggested, and turns out it's much simple this way. so that was stupid, but at least I managed to write more naturally I hope.
> 
> thank you again for the kudos, you're really kind (人･㉨･)♡ !!!
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> (also I wrote the last parts listening to really mainstream pop music from the 2010s and it was weirdly inspiring. you can do what you want with this information.)

A month later, Nico found himself inside the infirmary with Will just because that afternoon he had managed to come out of yet another archery lesson alive with his boyfriend. Some duchebag who evidently didn’t know how to strike arrows yet almost killed him while he was gladly walking away after Will basically forced him to go practice that evening.

So, kindly taking on the message that it probably just wasn’t his day, Nico mindlessly followed his partner to the infirmary hoping that sticking with him for a few more minutes would have persuaded the other to not drag him to another campfire singalong. He really hoped it would have worked this time, also because he had absolutely no desire to be present in front of the whole camp again after everything that happened those thirty-something days before.

His attempts to avoid both Percy and Annabeth were judged by himself as pathetic at best, and consisted mostly in disappearing in the shadows as soon as he laid eyes on the son of Poseidon – or his girlfriend for that matter –, or hiding from view at the mess hall, or simply convincing himself that Percy was not changing expression when he happened to look at him, and that it wasn’t his fault that both Percy and Annabeth were spending less time at camp. On second thought, he couldn’t have known if that was actually there or not. He was spending the majority of his time either in the Underworld simply being around his father – a thing that he guessed annoyed Hades quite a bit, considering that Nico had never had that many chores to get done in years –, or in his cabin hoping Chiron wouldn’t notice he was missing half of his activities.

Obviously, the centaur eventually did notice, and from that day Will became even more obnoxious with his “please do something”, “please do it for me”, and all those things that made Nico’s head go crazy with guilt.

Not that Will was guilt-tripping him; he perfectly knew that his intentions were simply to motivate him to get up from his self-isolation when he could. But what Will didn’t know was that the more time Nico spent outside his cabin, the more he convinced himself that he shouldn’t have left his coffin-shaped bed in the first place.

The reasons were pretty obvious to him, but he simply couldn’t tell Will about what happened. There were too many things that his boyfriend was oblivious to, and Nico wanted to keep it like that. He thought that the situation had probably been sketchy for everyone and, if Hazel did manage to understand what was going on without Nico even confessing the I-like-Percy thing to her, then he didn’t want to imagine the reaction that Will would have had if he had just learned about what happened that night. His intelligence was one of the reasons why he still managed to make his and Nico’s relationship stand, and he definitely didn’t want to test it.

The fact that he didn’t want Will to find out had been one of the reasons why he drank that fucking cup of wine in the first place the month before. Little did he know that, apparently, you have to be really drunk to just forget every crazy thing you did, like telling your crush that you blame him for your sister’s death and your shitty life in front of his girlfriend _and_ his – and your – friends. And blackouts are not even that common. He also questioned why he didn’t simply ask someone, instead of acting out on his own impulses without doubting his memory of what his sister had told him maybe decades before.

When he woke up the morning after, he spent what had been at least half an hour just trying to convince himself that no, he really didn’t remember anything, and that eventually led to another panic attack the following evening, and some others after that. Also, the flashbacks and nightmares from Tartarus got worse every time he saw Percy around camp, and every time that happened, he started cursing every single monster in the Underworld just to be angry at someone who wasn’t himself.

Will was, of course, the one who took the worst of it. His boyfriend was the one that had to chase after him when Nico tried to run because he felt himself slipping into an episode, and William always had to be the one to tell him what to do to make it through without getting too worked up about it; which, for Nico, meant feeling so angry he would start to punch and kick random stuff and apparently being so jumpy that he would grab and wield his sword towards every sound he found suspicious. And that meant all of them.

Luckily for both, it didn’t get that bad that often. But still, Will had to be prepared for the worst as soon as he was feeling Nico acting strangely. And every time he did cry in front of his partner, Nico never told him how guilty he was feeling for having him go through all that shit because of a clearly bad decision he made for himself in the first place. Being there when he could was all that Nico could do to repay him for the burden of being his personal doctor.

So there he was, sitting on a wicker chair watching the son of Apollo talk with a girl with a pretty bad cut on her leg from a sword fight gone wrong while trying to think about anything else apart from the fact that the evening after would have been the next reunion party day and that he was more than sure he did not want to go. It was pretty difficult too, not thinking about his sister, especially since she made him promise that he _would_ have gone, swearing that it was all fine and that she personally talked with Percy about what happened. That was because Nico made it clear to her that he didn’t have the balls to see Jackson ever again, so she got frustrated and did things her way, apparently convincing Percy that, again, Nico didn’t really mean what he said and that it was a "difficult time" for him. She also guaranteed him that Nico would have come to apologize when he would have felt better, and she made it clear that she expected his brother to actually follow what she said to the son of Poseidon.

Nico obviously didn’t expect himself to follow her advice. And indeed he did not.

“Just avoid sword fights for a day or two, and eat well in the meanwhile. Let it heal and you won’t have problems.” He heard his boyfriend say to the girl, probably a daughter of Aphrodite if he remembered correctly, who was evidently more worried than she should have been.

“Thank you so much, really… Uhm, it’s William, right?” She asked, a slight blush on her cheeks.

“Will is better. And it was a pleasure, no problem.” Will smiled charmingly, helping her stand beside the bed. “You need help walking?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine! Doesn’t hurt one bit now.” She smiled back while walking carefully towards the door, like she was afraid her leg was about to fall off.

“Glad to hear that. See you around then, and be careful.” He replied while following her halfway through the open entrance.

When standing in front of the entry, the girl turned around to face him again just to mutter a soft “Bye…” and hover a bit on her feet before walking away, the blush on her cheeks still quite evident.

At that point, Will turned towards him with an amused expression on his face that made Nico aware that he noticed it too. His boyfriend then laughed a bit just to make fun of a situation that kept on repeating itself from ever, at least from what he understood. He forced a small grin back to him, following him with his eyes while he started to put the ambrosia and some bandages away. Nico tended to not notice it anymore, but it was pretty hard at first, the fact that people considered Will’s kindness as openness to talk nonjudgmentally with anyone about their problems or whatever people wanted to complain about. That often resulted in them liking him because he actually listened, and consequently, he had had to constantly set boundaries and show his more professional side every time a person seemed to be a bit too interested in talking with him while he was simply doing his job. He had to take that advice from his older siblings to get through the issue without openly telling people that he would have had appreciated if some of them would have stopped talking while he was trying to think about what to do with them.

“So, are you coming with me tonight? Or are you too tired?” He asked Nico while still cleaning the bed from some blood.

“I am tired. I was thinking about just going to bed in like ten minutes,” He replied, crossing his arms on his chest, trying not to think too much about the feeling of guilt building up in his chest.

Will responded with a small smile.

“I expected that. Don’t worry, just make sure to do your breathing exercises once you’re about to go to sleep.” He said while walking towards the shelves opposite the beds.

Nico hated those exercises with all his heart. Focusing on his breathing was hard enough on its own without being coupled with the weird muscle exercise stuff, especially since his hyperactivity did not quiet down even when it came to sleep. He was constantly distracted by everything else, like the sound of the torches burning on the walls, the colors of his blankets and, most of all, the thoughts running through his head. It would always take him forever before he was able to concentrate, and every time he managed to, he concentrated so much that his muscles tensed up so that he had to start all over again.

He let out a resigned sigh which made Will look at him with a serious look on his face.

“Please?” The blonde asked. Nico knew it wasn't a question.

“Fine, fine. They work like half of the time, though, so I don’t get the point,” He shot back, with a tone that felt more annoying than he wanted it to be.

“The point is to do everything that you can to not have nightmares so bad that you start panicking. I don’t like the idea of you being alone in that cabin and terrified that monsters are out to get you while I’m peacefully asleep in my bed and can’t help you, you know.” Will argued, talking with a tone of someone who is repeating stuff for the tenth time.

“I know that, I just meant…” Nico tried to argue, but was met with the son of Apollo’s most condescending look. He decided to keep quiet. “… Never mind. I’ll try.”

Will then gave him a soft smile, and he was about to say something else, but was interrupted by someone entering the infirmary a few seconds later.

“Oh, there you are, Nico.” Said Jason, lightly smiling at him and stopping a few steps beyond the entrance.

Both he and Will turned towards the son of Jupiter, definitely not expecting to see him. Nico frowned while diverting his gaze from Will and placing it on the other demigod, feeling a bit confused.

“Hello,” He replied.

“Hi, Jason. How are you?” Will greeted him, he too with a surprised tone.

“I’m good, thank you, and you? Is this a bad time to borrow Nico for a second?” Jason asked. He seemed in a rush, since it wasn’t like him to just skip the formalities.

“I’m fine, no problem for me. You should ask him though,” Said the son of Apollo, gesturing towards Nico behind him.

Then, both of them turned towards him, still sitting on his chair with his arms crossed and a dubious expression on his face.

“Yeah, no problem. I was about to go anyway,” He stated while getting up and putting his hands back into his jacket’s pockets.

He started walking towards Will to say goodbye, stopping beside him to lay a kiss on his cheek just like he knew his boyfriend liked. It was still very weird doing that in front of Jason, or anyone else for that matter. He did not like it at all. It was less bad than when they began dating, but it didn’t seem to become less uncomfortable with time now. It was always the same light discomfort in his guts, like he was not supposed to do stuff like that.

He tried to ignore it and bury it deep inside him, and he met Will's eyes briefly before talking. “Have a good time at the campfire.”

“Will do. You sleep well, sunshine.” He replied with a sweet tone.

Nico knew that that was a mere wish.

“ _Ciao_ ,” Nico said finally, gesturing with his hand and walking towards the entrance.

“Bye Will, see you later at the campfire.” Said Jason behind him, following Nico towards the exit.

Will replied with a short but cheerful “Bye”, and Nico regretted not giving him a more decent goodbye kiss.

While walking towards his cabin from the Big House, Jason beside him, he realized he would have wanted to show Will more of how grateful he was for him sticking by his side since practically ever. He just didn’t know what he was supposed to do to repay him for everything he was doing, and he still didn’t understand what Will found in him that was so great he kept on coming back for more.

Jason, though, managed to pull him out of his thoughts shortly after. “So, sorry for showing up like this. I arrived at camp today, but had stuff to do before looking for you to talk about tomorrow.”

Nico froze. Right, the reunion party. He vividly hoped that the anxiety and panic didn’t show in his voice when he spoke.

“I'm not going, Jason.” He said, expecting that the other had already figured that out. It was pretty obvious that he, like every human being with a sane mind, would have not wanted to replicate the situation from a month before and would still feel extremely shitty about it.

The blonde just looked at him, not reacting with any surprise to that statement. Jason was both cute _and_ smart, Nico knew that.

“I knew you would have said that.” Jason continued, while walking towards Hades’ cabin. “That’s why I came here to talk to you.”

And here he was, trying for the millionth time to convince Nico of something that he didn’t want to do, but that Jason knew needed help being sure he really didn’t want. It was always a mess when it came to making good decisions for himself.

He snickered a bit, trying not to look at Jason because he knew that acknowledging what he was saying may have given him the wrong impression that he was actually thinking of going. Which he wasn't.

“Nico, listen to me, we would really like for you to come. We already talked about what happened last time, but believe me when I say that it could be solved very easily, especially when it comes to Percy.” Jason argued, really trying to keep a steady and kind tone. Like he was talking with a wild animal that he needed to reassure and calm down to catch.

“I don’t care about how easy that would be, I just don’t want to do it, Jason. I especially don’t want to go up to Percy and Annabeth just to apologize and then have them and the others feeling awkward during the whole evening because of what happened.” He continued, keeping on ignoring the other in the hope that he would just give up.

But no, Jason Grace was not the type to give up when he knew he was in right.

“Listen, we can go together if you want. We’ll be there a bit before six so that you can talk with Percy, and then it’s done. Annabeth is smart enough to understand that you didn’t mean to really hurt anybody with that, I know her enough to be sure. She also cares about you.” Jason kept on with the same soft tone, and Nico really wished he would stop. He was feeling even more guilty than he already felt because he was planning on not keeping his sister’s promise to apologize to Jackson.

“I’m not going, Jason, just give up. It’s useless for me to come, I don’t even eat that much in the first place.” He argued, and now he knew that he was really just talking nonsense, just desperately finding one more reason not to go.

“Nico, I’m serious. I care, and so do the others, I know that for a fact. We wouldn’t have invited you if this wasn’t the case, you know? It’s not like we’re doing charity work here.” The older one kept on going, and now he was looking at him, hoping for something to click in Nico’s mind at some point.

And yes, maybe something was clicking. Like the fact that it would have indeed been very awkward to go, but it would have been worse to just stay at home knowing that the others were expecting him to come. They were both shitty options, but he couldn’t figure out which one was less bad.

“It would be weird for you to just cut me out all of a sudden. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you want me there. Or at least, I believe you do, but the others are a different story.” Nico answered back, really trying to put an end to that conversation because they were in front of his cabin and he had to turn around to look at Jason to say goodbye and hoping for a not extremely stressful night.

Jason seemed thoughtful, his lips flat into an expression that Nico knew was there to keep something from coming out.

“What now?” Nico asked with a slightly annoyed tone.

There were a couple moments in which the son of Jupiter seemed to linger in his uncertainty, shifting his weight from one foot to another and putting his hands in his jacket’s pockets before speaking.

“Well, I did talk with Percy about this some weeks ago, and…” He hesitated, slightly raising his shoulders. “Well, he told me that he would have very much liked to talk with you and apologize. But you kept on avoiding him, so he didn’t feel like forcing you to talk ‘cause that’s just not his style.” He continued lowering his voice, like he was not supposed to say it.

That caught Nico by surprise, but he couldn’t quite place the emotion he was feeling inside his chest. It was a warm and light feeling though, thinking about Percy actively trying to talk to him. He remembered the son of Poseidon seemingly hesitating when he saw him at the mess hall at his table and the way Nico tried to avoid his eyes at all costs, hiding behind whoever was in front of him at the Apollo’s table and could cover his face from Percy’s gaze. He thought about it as something like, maybe Nico reminded him about what he had said every time Jackson acknowledged his presence, and changed expression because Percy was maybe still thinking about it and feeling bad about something that he clearly could not have had control over. But now, thinking about those moments as Percy just evaluating if he should have gone up to him or not made it a more pleasant thought.

Fuck, it was cute. It really was, Percy all worked up and still feeling confused about what happened but still wanting to talk to a piece of shit like him.

“Did he really say that, or are you just putting words in his mouth?” Nico said then, and he felt his tone grow lighter while still pretending to be annoyed by Grace.

The other frowned, confused.

“Do I look like a person that interprets what others say as he wants?” Jason argued, making Nico feel stupid for even just assuming something like that, just for the sake of pretending not to be happy about that turn in the conversation. “He really told me he was trying to talk to you. He actually asked my advice on the situation, but I just told him that forcing you was something that had never worked, so I told him to give it time.”

Fuck, that was even cuter. Percy asking Jason how he could talk to him felt like all the times in which he really did try to talk to Percy years before, but didn’t dare to even speak without sounding angry or pissed off for some reason. He got pissed off at himself every time instead.

He kept quiet, letting Jason continue, but at least now he was really listening. And Jason knew.

“I know you want to talk to him too, but just don’t know how. That’s why I want you to come with me a bit earlier so that both of you solve this situation and you just stop thinking about it like I did, and like the others did too.” Jason kept on going, every word placing itself on Nico’s chest and filling it with the heavy realization that he did, in the end, want to go.

He really did want to talk to Jackson, just because he was Percy and he desperately wanted to make him feel better to feel less guilty himself in turn. That, and also because he really did not like Jackson’s sad face like he always convinced himself he did when he got angry, so that was something to add to the reasons why he should really go and apologize.

He pondered for a few moments on what to say to the boy in front of him. Saying yes seemed like a defeat, because Jason really did manage to convince him. At least at that moment, he couldn’t see any more reasons not to go, and he started hating Percy again for that.

If knowing that Percy was thinking about him had been enough to convince him of something he was more than sure he didn’t want to do only minutes before, then it meant that his influence on Nico’s mind was still too much for him to handle. No wonder why he kept on dreaming of him.

He stared at Jason, trying to give him the impression that he was still thinking about what to do. He was trying to put his thoughts together instead, in a way that would have allowed him to maybe not seem that desperate to talk with Percy.

“If that’s the case, then fine. I don’t want him to feel guilty or anything, but I want this to be over in a couple minutes and then I’ll go. Understood?” He finally managed, with the hardest tone he could fake at that moment.

Jason seemed to keep a smirk of contentment from forming on his lips, and he just kept on looking at him smiling lightly. He knew he had won, dammit.

“Clear. Then I’ll see you tomorrow here at half-past five, deal?” Asked the son of Jupiter, clearly satisfied by his own victory.

“Fine. You don’t have to wait here though, it’s weird. I’ll just see you at the mess hall and then we’ll go from there.” Nico answered back, turning towards the door of his cabin.

“Good. Then I’ll wait there.” He felt Jason taking a couple steps back on the grass before turning back towards him. “And be on time!” He said conclusively with a higher voice.

Nico snickered at the comment, muttering a “Yeah, yeah…” followed by a dismissing gesture.

He closed the door behind him walking into the Hades’ cabin and stared at all the laundry he still had to organize on his bed.

He sighed heavily, taking off his jacket and shoes and placing them near the front door to then start to reluctantly fold the clean clothes while trying not to think about the anxiety that was building up inside his guts and was making his throat too tight for air.

He really hoped that Jason would have kept his promise and would have let him go as soon as he had done whatever he had to do with Percy. But it all seemed too simple, and he knew that things seemed to never go quite as he planned.

The next evening, he was still thinking about whether it would have been worth it to show his face in a pathetic attempt to ask for forgiveness that he knew he didn’t deserve, or whether it would have been okay for him to just go and get this over with for the sake of everybody.

The clock beside his bed kept on staring at him while he was still deciding what to wear. It was half-past five in the afternoon, and he should have been with Jason at this point. Instead, he was really unsure about what to put on since he didn’t have anything he thought he looked good in. It was difficult for him to look good anyway, and he was grateful he didn’t have a full mirror inside his house, but just a small one near the door made for the rare times he had to look at himself to check if he did have something weird in his face. His ever-present dark circles around his eyes and his hair that went all the way down slightly covering his eyebrows made him look a bit too much like his father, and the irony in this was that he didn’t even try to change his appearance. At least Will seemed to like it, somehow. He had no idea why.

But the problem was, even if Will did like him with pretty much anything on – except those blue jeans that he tried on once and then never again –, that didn’t mean that he really _was_ good with anything on.

So, he found himself really thinking about what Percy liked. He liked the color blue, that was a sure thing. Nico liked blue too, but not the kind of bright blue that the other liked. Nico liked black, but he never saw Percy wearing black even once in his life. So he focused on style. Something comfortable might have been good, considering how both he and his girlfriend were dressed most of the time. He still had that dark blue t-shirt and that open black hoodie he used when his aviator jacket was too warm for the weather outside, and that was something a little bit more comfortable than what he usually wore. So he put it on after having a look at it in his hands, and then he slid into his skinny black pants as usual. No chain this time too, since something told him that the son of Poseidon was not really into straight-out-of-Hell stuff.

Then, he looked at himself in the small, golden-framed mirror beside the door. And then he realized that he had just dressed up to look good for Percy like he was going on a fucking first date with his crush. He glared at himself in the mirror, and then he looked at the clock. Ten minutes had passed for that stupid decision he had made, and now he was late. Again.

He threw an eye-roll at himself, and decided it was not worth it anymore. He felt too guilty about being late and had no time to decide something else to wear. He left his hoodie open and went straight out the door, walking towards the mess hall with a sustained pace, hopelessly praying Jason wouldn’t have noticed the fact that he didn’t seem to quite understand the concept of “being on time”.

Halfway through, he noticed that he did again forget to remove his skull ring. Oh well, there was no time to go back anyway.

The panic was still building inside him, and suddenly he realized that he felt less hungry than he was an hour before. He could bet that if he had just ate something right that moment it would have just stuck inside his throat, not even reaching his stomach.

Arriving at the mess hall, he saw Jason leaning against a marble column on his feet, his red and white jacket looking very good on him. Not that there was something in which he looked bad in. Nico was pretty jealous of that.

The son of Jupiter then raised his gaze from the floor to look at him with a pleased look on his face.

“You’re fifteen minutes late.” He pointed out, walking towards him with his hands in his jeans’ pockets.

“You know, you don’t have to point that out every time. I know already.” He replied with a slightly annoyed tone, directly turning around and starting to walk towards the beach.

He felt Jason getting closer to him and stand by his side, smiling slightly when he spoke.

“If you knew, then you would be on time. Luckily Percy has problems with that too, even though I think Annabeth usually manages to put him back in line. They should already be there at least.” Said the blonde, in his somewhat professional tone.

Percy seemed indeed like the kind of person that makes you wait at a restaurant just because he lost his car keys somewhere inside the mess in his living room and then forgot to take out his dog for a walk.

And Nico had to stop thinking about Percy and dates in restaurants, because it was making him feel even more down and nervous at the same time, and that was not a date. It really had nothing to do with a romantic meeting. It felt more like a death sentence, and his head was full of the most catastrophic scenarios.

So he didn’t reply. He was too overwhelmed to even put a couple words together.

Jason evidently noticed, and he felt him look at Nico with a thoughtful look.

“Nervous?” He said with a low and sympathetic tone.

“Not that much,” Nico answered. He was full-on lying at this point.

He noticed how Jason observed him a scrutinizing gaze before talking again, looking back to the direction of the beach.

“You shouldn’t be, you know. It’s just a five-minute talk, and Percy’s the last person to judge in these situations. He might have a quick fuse, but once he thinks about something then he’s a person you can reason with.” Jason said, shrugging his shoulders a bit. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Nico already knew that. His head, though, believed in everything but that, at the moment.

“I know.” He replied, lying to both himself and the other demigod.

He kept on fidgeting with his ring inside his pocket, making it slide for all his first finger’s length, and tried to concentrate on that when the silence between him and the son of Jupiter started becoming too heavy to handle. He would have liked to ask what else Percy said about him. It was all he could think about, that Jackson could think about him and _talk_ about him with other people. That thought especially was responsible for putting the son of Poseidon’s image in his head yet again, and it bothered him so much that he couldn’t get him out of his head.

In that second, Percy was maybe thinking about what to say to him. Just like Nico was thinking about what he could say to him to hope for some compassion and understanding that he knew were pretty difficult to obtain, in his situation.

In his shoes, he would have stopped talking to himself altogether. He was a shitty person, he knew that. There was a reason why the great majority of people tended to distrust and avoid him.

When they arrived at the limit of the beach, he could make out a head of blonde, long hair standing where the beach met the grass, a few feet away from them. Annabeth was looking at her laptop, eyes squinted to make out whatever he was reading, her wavy hair placed behind her ears. Typical of her, he thought, to never stop working unless it was necessary. He admired her for that. For her confidence, and her intelligence and her knowledge. Nico knew he had disappointed her, at best. But most of all, he felt so bad even talking to her, knowing that his head at that moment was just full of images of her boyfriend. He didn’t even know how he could find the courage to just look at her in the eye when she, seemingly sensing a new presence, diverted her gaze from the screen to Jason and him.

“Hello there,” Jason spoke first, and she responded with a small smile in their direction.

“Hello. Percy is not here yet, I couldn’t manage to reach him from when he told me he had stuff to do in the stables. I guess he’ll be late this time too.” She notified them, a tone and an expression that were both full of resignation and irony, while closing her laptop and carefully placing it inside her bag.

“We’re late too, no problem. It’s Percy after all.” The boy beside him replied, with a tone that mimicked hers.

“It’s Percy, right.” She smiled, glancing at the sea for a second.

Nico knew that look. It was accompanied by the same tone he used when talking about Percy to anyone who didn’t directly know who he was. He had that sort of dreamy and sweet look that he always tried to conceal with a hard expression.

Gods, he really shouldn’t have been there.

“So, how are you, Nico?” Annabeth asked, looking at him with an expression that he couldn’t quite place.

It felt like a trial question to which he had to give the right answer to if he wanted to be saved. And he tried to, ignoring the knot in his throat when he spoke.

“I’m okay. Could be better.” He said, trying to sound somehow contrite. He didn’t want to straight up start the conversation, even because technically it wasn’t her the one he should be apologizing to.

But he felt that he was the one to blame for talking to her while he knew his mind had settled just on the thoughts of her boyfriend for a whole day, and that hadn't happened in a long time. His own boyfriend didn’t cross his mind even once during those whole twenty-something hours that had passed since Jason notified him that Percy wanted to talk to him. Alone.

Annabeth then looked at him with a bit of a frowned face that he hoped had something to do with compassion or sympathy.

She got closer to them in the meanwhile, crossing her arms. “If you’re still feeling bad, try not to. You’re here now, you two just need to get this over with and then you won’t have to think about it again.” She said, stopping in front of them and looking at him with a serious look.

He really felt exposed. Like he was the only one naked inside a crowd of well-dressed people.

“I know. Not feeling bad is something pretty inevitable though, I didn’t even try not to. He didn’t deserve that, I was just a bit out of it and didn’t think before I spoke.” He admitted, somehow managing to look at her in the eyes after he finished, feeling his face imitating her serious expression.

He really wanted her to believe what he was saying. Her being angry at him or losing her respect – if she didn’t already – were the last things he needed right then.

She nodded, softening her gaze and tone of voice when she spoke.

“Don’t bother. I understood that already, you just need to talk to Percy just so that he’ll stop asking me what he did wrong. It’s becoming pretty exhausting, him being so careful around people now and thinking twice every time he’s about to say something.” She smiled slightly while continuing. “I mean, it’s really good that he does now. But sometimes he just gets too worked up about it. I think he needs to hear that it was not all his fault.”

Of course he needed to. Nico would never have thought that his words would have such a powerful effect on him. Or on anyone else, for that matter. He was not used to talking and being trusted and being listened to, except from the people who recognized him for his power. When he was Nico di Angelo he could be confident all he wanted. He had power and he had a sort of status, even just being Hades’ only child. But when he was just Nico, he was simply the same as anybody else. Even worse, probably.

But the fact that Percy did think about his words that much that they influenced his decisions and his behavior for an entire month, that was beyond his understanding of the situation. If he only would have known, he would never have spoken. He was to be blamed for all that, and he was, as always, the one who put himself in that shitty and anxiety-producing situation.

He really needed to stop sabotaging himself.

“I get it. That’s why I’m here.” He responded, while he saw Annabeth looking behind him and her face turning into a soft expression.

“And look who’s here too.” She called.

Nico’s stomach twisted in an extremely uncomfortable sensation before turning to look at the boy who was walking with a chilled pace towards them on the beach, wearing an embarrassed smile with his lips pressed together in an awkward expression.

And gods, he was gorgeous. Nico had to look away before he could catch himself staring at the way his hair was just messy enough to guess that he dressed up in a rush, and he pretended to suddenly be interested in his ring for some reason.

“Yeah, yeah, let me guess, I’m twenty minutes and seven seconds late this time,” Percy replied sarcastically, still walking towards them on the sand.

“You guess pretty well to be someone who clearly doesn’t know what time is.” She bit back sharply, her hands now on her hips.

“I’m sorry guys, I totally forgot about taking some of the pegasi for a ride like Chiron asked me this morning. I made it here as fast as I could.” He said in a more serious tone, coming up to Annabeth and kissing her briefly on the cheek. Just like Will also liked. But he had to force himself in doing it every time because he was a shitty boyfriend, while Percy was not.

 _Smettila, idiota_.

“So, hello Jas.” Percy greeted. Then he turned to Nico, crossing his arms and holding onto one of his arms. “Nico.” The son of Poseidon gave him a side smile, still in a too awkward position to be completely natural.

“Hi there.” Replied Jason, in the same relaxed tone that he had had since they started walking towards the beach. He glanced at Nico before continuing. “So, Annabeth and I are going to the Big House where the others have asked us to meet, to help them with the food stuff. We’ll be right back.” He smiled reassuringly, looking at the both of them.

Nico had no idea he had to be alone with Percy. He didn’t even contemplate that possibility. He knew he would have needed to talk to him in private, but he had no idea both Jason and Annabeth set it up so they would have been completely alone.

Percy’s reaction was a nervous smile, but there was no sign of surprise in his expression. So, Nico was the only one not knowing about that. He didn’t know if he should have felt offended or annoyed with the son of Jupiter.

“Try not to fight, you two.” Joked Annabeth, messing up Percy’s hair even more with her hand before starting to walk towards the Big House.

Jason on the other hand just gave Nico a light pat on the shoulder before following her and grinning at Percy.

“Later.” The blonde said, with a goodbye gesture of his hand.

Percy responded with a mocking expression and a “Later, golden boy,” before putting his hands in his jeans’ pockets.

He was just wearing his camp t-shirt and some jeans, but he smelled like he just had showered.

Unfortunately for Nico, the sea breeze was leading Percy’s smell right into his nose, and that was another one of the things that drove him crazy. Especially when they were alone, and the sun still relatively high in the sky so that he could distinguish every single feature of the other boy’s face.

He almost held his breath before initiating the conversation.

“So,” Nico said, still looking toward the direction in which the other two demigods had left, because he was too afraid to even glance at Percy. “We need to talk, I guess.”

He was really holding his breath at that point, waiting for Percy to answer.

“I guess so.” He felt the other demigod shift to face him. “Listen, first of all, I am sorry about what I said. Or the way I said it, I know that I should have kept quiet for once.”

He really didn’t want to hear those words. Percy really shouldn’t be the one to apologize, and him doing it made him feel even worse than before.

“Stop there.” He said, finally managing to turn towards Jackson, but looking at him as briefly as possible before looking to the side, trying to give the impression that he was just calmly thinking about what to say. “You don’t have to say sorry. It wasn’t your fault, I was just feeling bad from some things that had happened earlier with my father and stuff, you had nothing to do with it.”

Percy kept on looking at him, and he knew he was being kind of an asshole, not even acknowledging his presence. So he prayed hard his remaining willpower to just hold him together while it could, and he observed Jackson with a serious look.

The other was just looking at him, probably wanting to say something.

Nico beat him on the time though, because he wasn’t finished with the bullshit yet.

“Don’t worry too much about what you said. I would have said something anyway and I would have probably offended someone else. It just happened to be you, and I’m sorry.” He continued, the same distant voice he always used when talking to his father.

 _Please don’t feel bad_ , he also would have liked to add, but that would have betrayed whatever mask of indifference that he wanted to keep to hide all the thoughts about how beautiful and innocent Percy looked at that moment, looking at him with an apologetic expression that was now better than the one he had one a few moments before.

“To be honest, I can understand why you did that. I’m not the most considerate person in the world, so to just complain about what happened to me might have been a bit…” He shrugged, diverting his gaze from Nico to something behind him, maybe trying to search for a word. “… You know.” He concluded, looking at him with a sort of embarrassed expression.

He was nervous, Nico could see that. He had to stop thinking about it though, because Percy being all sorry and remorseful was making him want to punch himself in the face.

“I get it. I still didn’t have the right to react like I did.” He argued, suddenly really wanting to go home and put an end to the whole thing and just be alone. He was already exhausted by all the anxiety and nervousness that kept bothering him all day.

But Percy had other plans.

“No, really, I bet I would have reacted the same way. Sometimes I overreact when I talk with people and then they point it out to me, even though I really had my reasons to react in a certain way –“ He suddenly shut up, realization crossing over his face. He looked at Nico with wide eyes and started to gesticulate nervously in front of his face. “Not that you overreacted, I didn’t want to say that at all. I was talking about me being stupid sometimes. Not you.”

At that point, he was just blabbering about stuff that Nico really didn’t want to hear. Percy could have said anything by that point trying to not put the blame on him, but Nico already knew if he only wasn’t that bad with decisions he could have spared both of them that awful conversation that was going on even though he was just looking at Jackson with a raised eyebrow, not saying anything.

He was through with that. He had his dose of Percy’s idiocy and cuteness for that day.

“Jackson.” He interrupted him raising his voice, while he was describing who knows which episode of him getting angry at Jason for a stupid sword fight.

The other feel silent, evidently realizing that Nico did not care about the exact details of the situation.

“It’s fine. You go with the others, I’ll go home. See you around.” He stated, quiet now, trying to convey Percy the sense that it really was fine and that he really did want to go home and not think about him anymore because for gods’ sake it was driving him insane.

One step away, though, he felt Percy calling after him.

“Nico, wait, what? You’re not coming?” He followed him, making him stop on his tracks and turn towards him one more time.

“You heard me, I’m going home. I slept like shit tonight, I could fall asleep right here honestly. I just came here to talk to you ‘cause I didn’t want you to…” He let his voice die in his throat, because he was definitely not telling Jackson that he was worried about his feeling guilty. “… To think that I didn’t want to come because of you.”

He couldn’t just leave, Nico knew that. He had that excuse for everything really, so lying about it wasn’t at all something that bothered him.

But Percy was looking at him with a confused face, and he went back to that apologetic look that he saw before.

“I thought you would have stayed with us. Last time we decided not to go and see Leo’s surprise because you were not there and, well, we hoped we could do it this time, since you’re, like, here,” He said hopingly, and it was an implicit request, Nico knew that.

Percy wanted him to be there so that they could go together, because it would obviously have been pretty rude to just go without him. It was simply ethically wrong, and they clearly were interested in what Leo had to show them. Of course Percy wanted him to come.

“You don’t have to wait for me to see that. I’ll have a look at it if Leo wants me to, or when it’ll be finished or whatever, it’s no problem for me,” Nico responded, really meaning what he said.

He wouldn’t have been able to even pay attention to anything else apart from Percy himself.

Percy then looked at him hesitating, his lips flat into a thin line. He was not saying anything, though, and now he understood what Annabeth said before about his new annoying habit of thinking too much about what to say.

“What, Jackson?” He said, now sounding pretty annoyed himself.

“Could you just come to see the thing and then you’ll go?” He asked, burying his hands again into his pockets. “I know you’re tired, but it’ll be fun. Hazel also told me she has a gift for you or something.”

Nico was not answering. He was just preparing himself for another extremely tiring hour or so. He wanted to say yes, but he really just wanted to avoid every social contact for that day. The only truth there was that he really did sleep terribly, waking up every ten or so minutes during the night with his breath constricted by the weight of all the people he felt he let down by being too hot-tempered and impulsive.

Since there was silence between them, Percy took that as permission to speak again.

“Please, Nico?” And he just stared at him, waiting.

He could have fought back, but he knew Percy was stubborn at least as he was. That’s why they didn’t belong together.

Nico also thought about his sister and the fact that she would have worried if she knew that he just had left without a valid explanation. Also, he didn’t want to let Percy down just because he wanted to run, again, from him even though Jackson had no idea about that. So, he complied. Not for Percy that evidently _really_ wanted to know what Leo was building for some reason.

“Fine.” He said, letting out a sigh. “But I hope we’ll go there soon, I’m really not at my best right now.”

Percy smiled, content. He started walking towards the others at a quick pace.

“Don’t worry, I’m not either. That’s why I brought something to drink this time too!”

And that’s exactly what Nico didn’t want to hear. If he had to blame something for what happened a month before, he would blame that glass of wine he downed too fast just because he was sure it would have made him feel better. The last thing he wanted was to repeat something that already happened and had shown to be a very bad idea.

He looked at Jackson sideways while he started to follow him, trying to catch up.

“So you stole that again?” Nico replied inquisitively.

The other put his hands in his jeans’ pockets while walking, laughing a bit at the comment. Nico had no idea what was so funny about that.

“I did not steal it, I told you that Hermes’ cabin keeps on giving me stuff. Also, we’re not drinking, we’re celebrating. So it’s champagne this time,” Percy argued.

“They probably stole it from someone anyway,” Nico said in a tone of contempt. “I don’t even get why you trust them with this. They could have put something in it or stuff like that.” He continued, sighing.

Percy looked at him briefly before grinning again. “They wouldn’t do that. Also, they’re my friends, and they owe me a favor or two. They decided to repay me with this, since they know about the reunion parties,” He said, looking towards the cabins at their right.

They were walking beside the river that led to the canoe lake, and the clear water flowing beside them was filling the silence when they stopped talking. Nico kept on playing with his ring inside the pocket of his hoodie. The feeling that he was getting simply walking beside him on a summer evening was one of the most peaceful but frustrating he could feel.

What he would have liked to do was just slip one of his hands inside Percy’s pockets, sliding his hand into the older one’s and just walk like that. Feeling closer to the other boy was the only thought in his mind at that moment, so he had no interest in initiating any kind of conversation.

Percy, though, seemed to not appreciate silence as much as he did.

“You don’t have to be suspicious about everything, you know. You can trust me,” He said, in a serious tone for once.

Nico didn’t know how to react to that statement. He felt like he couldn’t trust anyone simply because his life had shown him what being betrayed felt like, and he really didn’t want to experience that again. But even so, Percy seemed so sweet when saying those words. It felt bad, not being able to believe what the son of Poseidon was saying out of concern for him.

“You have to show people that they can trust you. Stating it does nothing,” He replied coldly, because that’s how he felt towards himself at that moment.

Jackson then looked at him again, seemingly surprised by his pessimism. He then seemed to think about something before replying. He still had that wry smile on his face.

“I hoped I already did show it to you. Don’t think so?” The son of Poseidon replied, with a tone that left Nico unsure whether he was offended, or simply surprised.

Unfortunately, he had a point. He did show Nico that he could trust him. It was Nico that showed multiple times that Percy could not trust _him_. In those years, all he did was using whatever was in his power to either make things go his way, not thinking about the people involved in his decisions, or to sabotage himself. He definitely had no right to think about Percy as unreliable.

And now Nico was feeling bad again. He really couldn’t keep himself from fucking conversations up, that was one of the many reasons why he preferred to just keep quiet.

“Okay, fine. Now we can stop talking, I’ve got a headache,” He muttered, not paying attention to the shrug Percy gave in response.

“Sure. Sorry,” Jackson said, lowering his tone.

They walked together side to side for what felt like hours but were probably ten minutes maximum.

Nico trying to keep himself from looking at Percy and trying not to smell the scent of his shampoo, ignoring how he just noticed that the other’s hair was still a bit wet from Percy showering before meeting him and the others at the beach. He kept on fidgeting with whatever was in his hands; his skull ring, then the lace of his hoodie, then his hair. It seemed like torture to him, being so close to Percy and not being able to do anything if not walk, hoping not to brush against him keeping much more distance than he felt was needed between them.

Percy, on the other hand, was mumbling some song at a certain point, looking at the water flowing beside them. Nico would have really liked for him to stop because his low and calm voice was giving him shivers down his spine. The son of Poseidon now had that clear, low voice that Nico was really into since he had heard it for the first time a couple years prior. When they met, Percy’s voice was still that of a kid and had very few qualities of that of a man. Nico heard it change with time, and now it had sort of stabilized. He loved that voice and the charm that gave Percy; also because it was so different from his own raspy and still a bit high voice. He made an effort to lower it every time, to sound older or whatever. It worked sometimes, as long as he wasn’t excited by anything he was talking about.

Finally, Percy stopped singing.

“There they are,” He looked at Nico, a smile on his lips. “Come on, di Angelo,” And he quickened his steps toward the whole group gathered on the front porch of the Big House.

Nico hated the way Percy said his name. But his heart couldn’t help but skip a beat, hearing the other call him like that.

He buried whatever he was feeling deep, deep down his head, and put on his straight face before walking towards the others.

“Hi, guys!” Percy greeted then energetically.

Everybody greeted both him and Nico with smiles and ‘how are you’s. Hazel was the first one to give him a pleasant and sweet smile before hugging him tightly and leaving a kiss on his cheek. Then Frank, Piper, and Leo followed.

“Percy, what part of ‘we’ll be back’ you don’t understand?” Jason asked condescendingly.

“Yeah, about that…” He appeared to try and search for some words, but he seemed to give up a few moments after. “… Okay, I forgot. But now that we’re all here, we can go and see what Leo is hiding in his bunker and then we’ll go and have a bite or two, yeah? If you’re not that hungry.” Percy hesitated, looking at all of them in turn.

Nico still didn’t understand all that excitement for something that they would have seen anyways when it would have been finished. But, clearly being the only one who was feeling that way, the others seemed to agree.

“Who agrees?” Asked Annabeth then as a general question.

All of them shrugged in approval, and a “Sure” from Piper was the last word before all of them were ready to start walking towards Bunker 9.

“Woah, that’s great, guys. I finally get to be your tour guide to the Bunker.” Said Leo in an ironic tone, crossing his arms in a proud posture. “Let’s go then, yeah? I’m personally more excited than you are for sure.”

“Wait, I have an idea,” Piper stated then, grabbing everyone’s attention. “I can go and put this stuff at the beach already while you go. We’ll have everything set to eat, just in case it takes too long. I already know where the bunker is, anyway,” She gave a small smile.

“Oh, I’ll help then!” Hazel exclaimed, already gathering half of the stuff in her hands.

Piper then looked at her with a soft look.

“Thank you, Hazel, that’s really sweet.” Replied Piper, signalling the others to get moving. “We’ll be there in a few minutes, don’t worry!”

Hazel then looked at Nico, two baskets and a couple of tablecloths already in her arms, and gave Nico a friendly smile. That, in her language, meant that he shouldn’t worry about her and just do his thing.

He would have honestly preferred his sister to walk with him even because, well, Percy was still in the equation. Still, he knew he had both Frank and Jason that could still give him some kind of comfortableness. So he complied, giving her a slight nod.

“If you’re sure, then okay. We’ll see you there then,” Stated Jason, looking at his girlfriend with a sort of gentle expression building upon his usually straight face, while looking at her gathering the remaining elements of their dinner. “Be careful.”

“We’re not going on a quest, sparky. We’re pretty safe here,” Joked Piper looking at him with an amused, but sweet, expression. He gave her a small smile in return.

“Okay, now off to our adventure. Tighten your seatbelts and follow your leader,” Said Leo, jumping off the porch to directly skip the few wooden steps on its side. “Be quick you two, Pipes, I’ll question you later about this in class,” Valdez said with a pretended professional tone, looking towards her.

Piper in turn just roller her eyes ironically to then throw at him a quick “Sure, professor”, before heading towards the beach with Hazel beside her, the two of them chatting already.

All of them then followed Leo, Nico voluntarily being the last one on the line. Jason was quickly beside him.

“Everything good?” He murmured, avoiding that the others would hear. Then, an amused grin formed on his face. “I thought you were not coming.”

“I thought that too.” Said Nico with an expressly annoyed tone.

That sparked a small huffed laughter in the other boy. “What, he asked you to?”

Nico’s expression changed from a neutral one to a slightly discontent sneer.

“Yeah. I didn’t want to let him down, he seemed like a kid asking for free candy.” He said with a mocking tone.

“I expected that. I actually hoped he would do that.” Jason said, straightening his posture, a satisfied expression on his face. He really seemed like the typical mastermind in that situation. Nico hated to admit the other had won yet again.

He put on a resigned expression, and continued walking beside Jason.

They talked about Camp Jupiter a bit, and what Jason would have been up to as soon as September would have arrived. He talked about his projects and about studying with Piper in Los Angeles, and about how much he still wanted to finish school and all that. Nico was gladly listening to him, and that also became a great distraction from Percy’s voice talking with Leo with a pitch too high to be ignored. He focused on what Jason was telling him, yet again imaging what school would have been like. He still pushed the thought away, but it was so weird being the only one of all of them not even having a true life in and outside camp. He voluntarily chose the Underworld until then, but there were always some small doubts in the back of his mind. He was scared about talking about that with his father. He was too focused on making him a good son of the Underworld instead of making him a citizen of that world. He had to decide for himself that too, but the more he thought about being a “normal” teenager, the more it felt strange. He had never been normal. He, differently from the others, couldn’t even pretend. He was too far gone already. He had no idea how to live life, yet.

Jason concluded his speech when they arrived at Bunker 9, deep inside the forest, with Leo gathering their attention with a clap of his hands.

“So, you guys ready for the reveal?” Leo stated, with an excited and triumphant tone, looking at every one of them.

All of them just nodded in silence, anticipation building in all of them.

Nico, on the other hand, was just focused on everything else apart from the otherworldly atmosphere the forest gave him. He could feel the influence of the Underworld in that place.

He saw Leo smirk to then lead them toward the big door of the structure, fidgeting a bit with his face slightly illuminated by the fire forming on his fingers. He quickly managed to open its entrance, and he kept the door open with one arm, encouraging the others to enter the bunker before him.

When they all did, the lights were already on, showing the huge construction suspended in the middle of the structure, pending from the ceiling.

Leo quickly came to stand in front of them with a proud expression on his face.

The huge structure behind him was the Argo II, some pieces exactly like Nico remembered, but others completely transformed into a metal that looked like bronze. It was shiny and smooth, beautiful to look at. It really was majestic, like Nico remembered it being.

“Leo, what the heck? Is this real?” Percy asked in a dreamy and astounded expression.

“You really did all this?” Frank added, asking hesitantly.

Annabeth and Jason wore the same amazed expression, like they were attentively evaluating every detail of that picture.

Nico couldn’t exactly place what he was feeling. He was just staring at the son of Hephaestus’ creation in wonder, bewildered by the work that he had evidently put into this. He felt extremely small, standing there in front of the ship. He always felt threatened by its size.

“As much as I would like to say yes, I have to say that a great part of this was made by all the Hephaestus’ house. Mostly I, Nyssa and Chris ‘cause we’re the crazy creative ones. The other helped a great deal with the assembling and stuff,” He stopped in his tracks, suddenly realizing something. “Follow me, guys!”

They all did as told, as Leo led them to the right side of the ship, where they stopped right beside the keel of the ship, and then Leo pointed upwards.

And there it was: a huge bronze plate ingrained in the new structure, with some names on it.

There was silence for a few moments, in which half of them were looking at it with squinted eyes. Then Leo talked, the enthusiasm on his face fading a bit.

“Right, dyslexia is a pain in the ass, isn’t it?” He positioned himself right below the shiny plate, his hands on his hips. “That’s all our names, right there. Coach Edge included. What do you think?”

Realization then formed on everybody’s face, and the silence kept on growing.

Nico had no idea what to think. He quickly scanned the plate to search for his own name, to see if there really was a possibility that he was being considered that important to be permanently put on a huge and legendary ship’s side.

After a few moments, there he was. His name, Nico di Angelo, engraved with huge letters just between Frank’s and Hedge’s name. He felt his stomach turn in an unfamiliar and powerful emotion. Whatever he could have said had just died in his throat, and his head was just filling up with all the images of his days on that ship. He tried not to think about all the times he felt like a stranger in there, like there was no place for him around the others. His eyes started stinging, and he prayed to the gods to please not start crying because it would have been the most embarrassing thing in his whole life.

He quickly diverted his gaze from the ship, looking down and hoping his hair would cover whatever was in his eyes at that moment.

“I don’t have words, Leo. This is absurd,” Jason stated in a voice that seemed far away.

“I’m with golden boy. This is truly crazy,” Percy continued, still staring at Leo and back at the side of the ship in turn.

“What do you want to do with this? Does it work?” Annabeth then asked, her voice trying to remain professional and down-to-earth.

“Unfortunately it has been impossible to rebuild everything. Too many pieces were missing and we cannot simply grow them from nothing. So take this as a sort of model, that was the intention. It’s not finished yet, actually, since some parts of the inside are missing, but it’ll be ready in a few months for sure. Majority of the work is done anyway.” Leo explained, regaining an excited and triumphant expression on his face.

“It’s…” Annabeth continued, still staring at the structure in front of her. “… Amazing, Leo.”

And she was right. Nico recognized that. But he was still thinking about how, deep down, it still felt wrong having his name there. People would have seen his name on there. Possibly people that had never known him, and they would think of him as part of the crew of the Seven heroes that basically saved the world from destruction and the titanic war of the century. They would have thought about him as someone valuable, with some worth.

He didn’t feel like that one bit though, and he didn’t know why. He had no idea why he kept on feeling an outsider, someone who didn’t belong anywhere and with anyone. He was feeling himself falling into the spiral of his thoughts when he felt Jason placing a hand on his shoulder, still observing the ship in front of them, his chin high and a weird look in his eyes that Nico identified as nostalgia when he looked at him.

“Told you you’re part of the group,” Jason said to him, voice low and calm.

Nico then looked up to the plate again. His name was probably never coming out of that thing, no matter what he did or didn’t do. He tried to quiet his head, not letting the thought that Leo did that just out of courtesy for him, and quietly admired the work of art in front of him, taking in every possible detail.

Jason had won again, and that was starting to pleasantly annoy him.

After a while, Hazel and Piper came back from the beach, and seeing the new Argo II construction had the same expression of wonder and surprise that all of them had a few minutes before. Hazel, on reading Nico’s name on its side, put an arm around his shoulders and just stared at it with a content and joyful expression on her face. Piper hugged Leo instantly, asking him to show them the inside. After a few moments of hesitation on his part, he complied, evidently as excited to show the unfinished cargo hold as everybody else was. Before that though, Hazel, on noticing the huge tables present, proposed to gather the stuff from the beach and just have their dinner there. After some hesitation, they all agreed on the fact that it could have been a great idea. There just had to be someone who would have been willing to go and notify Chiron of the small change in schedule, and that would go and get the stuff from the beach and bring it there.

“I’ll go, no problem. I’ll talk with Chiron at the pavilion real fast and then I’ll just get the stuff and bring it here,” Said Percy suddenly. “You just try to make some space on the tables for us to eat,” He had a reassuring smile on his face, and he directed his gaze toward Annabeth.

She looked at him with a bit of a condescending look. “You can’t go alone at night in the forest, you know that.”

“Also, the stuff is too much for one person. I’ll come if you want to, since it was my idea,” Said Piper, becoming serious again and looking at Percy, ready to follow him.

He seemed to think for a few moments before talking again.

“Yeah, you’re right,” He admitted, scratching his head a bit and adjusting his hair. “But wait, you wanna come, Nico?” Percy asked, so innocently that Nico almost couldn’t see any bad sides in that.

Then he thought about him and Percy alone, again, for what could have been quite some time. Nico really didn’t want to talk to him, or even get close to him. He felt the usual anxiety and nervousness building up in his chest.

But he couldn’t just say no. It would have been really bad if he had just declined, because this was not about Percy Jackson anymore. It was about helping what he wanted to consider a friend. Nobody knew what he was feeling. He had to act normal, and that was one of the few occasions in which he could show he was trying to be a good person.

“Sure,” Nico said, holding his breath when he noticed the others looking at him with expecting expressions on their faces.

Percy then gave him a cheerful and satisfied side smile.

“Good. Wait for us, guys, we’ll be here fast,” And he started walking.

Nico then looked at Hazel. She wore a cryptic expression on her face. She knew she couldn’t say anything, her lips pressed in a thin line. She gave him a slight shrug of the shoulders, trying not to make it noticeable. Then, she smiled a bit awkwardly at him, encouraging him to start walking. It was a good luck smile, Nico knew that.

He let out a silent and resigned sigh, and started to walk after glancing briefly at the others.

“Later,” He stated, following Percy from behind.

As soon as they managed to climb the stairs up towards the exit, Percy closed the door behind him and gave him a small smirk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t talk that much,” He joked, sliding his hands into his pockets while he started securely walking towards the end of the forest and towards the dining pavilion.

Nico just looked at him sideways before muttering a “ _Stronzo_ ”, and then letting out a sigh while following him. They managed to quickly come out of the woods and reach the mess hall, where dinner was already starting. Percy then just mindlessly walked beside the tables, greeting and smiling happily at whoever was saying hi to him and patting him on the shoulder. Nico left him quite a bit of space when he went out to talk to Chiron, and luckily had the time to spot Will in the crowd. He stared at him from the other side of the pavilion, pondering on the decision if going up to him for a quick greeting, just to let him know that he was indeed a good boyfriend. But still, the uncomfortableness that started to build up inside of him when he thought about doing that in front of everyone, and especially with Percy waiting for him, was giving him goosebumps.

So, he just stood there like an idiot, waiting for Will to maybe notice him from far away. He didn’t, though. He kept on talking and smiling charmingly at his brothers and sisters while eating some barbecue meat with bread on the side. That felt to him like both a relief and a disappointment. He didn’t know what he was disappointed about, but when he tried to think about it, he noticed how some campers were staring at him and whispering something in each other’s ears.

He took that as a sign that he shouldn’t have been there, and moved towards Percy to find him already having a conversation with Chiron on a table far away from the center.

“Do be careful, Percy. I trust in the fact that you’ll be together, but I should not allow this anyway. You promise this is a one-time thing, yes?” Nico heard Chiron say, getting closer to them.

“Of course it is. It’s just a matter of having a look at the ship, eat and then we’ll be right there for the trials of strength. Promise,” Percy replied, with the most responsible tone he managed to pull out. And it was still pretty bad.

Chiron then laid his eyes on Nico while he was busy looking at how Dionysus was quietly and satisfyingly swallowing some cheese and a huge quantity of grapes.

“Good evening, Nico. You’ll be with them, too?” The man asked, distracting him from Mr. D’s eating style.

“I will,” He answered, nodding.

Chiron imitated him, nodding back.

“You think you’ll manage to get out of there before it gets too dark?” Chiron asked him, and it was more of a request than a simple question.

“For sure. The forest is pretty calm today, but I will be careful. I don’t think we’ll have any problems,” Nico replied, easily switching to the tone he often used when talking to his father, like when he had to reassure him that he knew what he was doing.

Chiron then gave him one last nod, then looked back at the son of Poseidon.

“Then you may do as you told me. Me and Mr. D here will wait for you at the Arena.” He dismissed them with a serious look, then he looked back at Nico. “I’ll trust you both with this. You can go.”

Percy smiled widely before answering. “Sure. Thank you, sir!”

“Thank you,” Nico greeted, lowering his head a bit.

Chiron gave him a small smile in return, to then focus on the food on his plate yet again. Nico took that as a sign of trust, and took pride in seeing that he could at least seem reliable in the eyes of someone as important as Chiron.

He followed Percy out of the mess hall and the pavilion to then head towards the beach.

As soon as they were out of the place, Percy turned toward him to give him a small sly smile.

“I didn’t know Chiron liked you that much.” He stated, waiting for Nico to walk beside him to then resume strolling towards the beach.

“What?” Nico replied, because he honestly had no idea what he was talking about.

“Well, he asked for your advice just now. You being with us makes him less worried somehow,” Percy explained cheerfully, gazing toward the sea. “I just never noticed that until now, you know?” He continued.

Nico was still confused about the whole thing himself. He noticed how Chiron seemed to talk to him like his father or some gods used to when he had conversations with them. He didn’t know that keeping a straight and blank face meant that people liked you. But Percy evidently seemed to think so.

“I think it’s because you talk well. You seem responsible and everything like Jason does,” Percy continued, more seriously. “I don’t know how you two do that still. I’m not really good with authorities myself, so,” He said, laughing at himself a bit.

That was all new to Nico. He knew he could be convincing when he tried, he had learned to do that since it was part of being someone with his status in the Underworld. Bianca used to tell him that he was an “ _avvocato del Diavolo_ ” when they were smaller. He drove her crazy sometimes because he loved talking, and he couldn’t keep anything for himself.

So, he clearly had changed, but that sort of inquisitive and persuasive personality evidently stuck with him. He just didn’t expect people to notice those small things about him. He didn’t remember Will ever telling him something like that.

That meant that Percy was listening to him talk, and actively paying attention to what he was saying and how he was saying it. He would never have guessed that Jackson would have even the slightest interest in hearing what Nico had to say. Percy surely had better stuff to do than to converse with him about some probably pretty depressing topics, like the fact that his father kept on treating him like he was his favorite cadet instead of his only child.

“I noticed. You’re pretty terrible when it comes to explaining yourself,” Nico replied, trying to switch the topic from himself to literally anything else.

Percy's cheerful expression then changed into a pretty offended one. He could bet he was pouting ironically toward him, and Nico kept on staring at some point in front of him just because he really couldn’t have managed to get a hold of himself if Percy Jackson was really acting all offended and staring at him.

“That was pretty harsh. I just need time to put words together, really, don’t blame me,” Percy stated then, the pout seemingly vanished from his face.

“Well, you should practice. Annabeth would make a perfect teacher for that,” Nico replied, still hoping to switch to another topic, because that was becoming a full-on conversation, and he really had had enough of Percy’s beautiful voice and the way he seemed to tease him while talking to him.

“Annabeth keeps on telling me the same stuff all the time. Like she wants me to be more organized and less distracted by everything and all that, and wants me to manage my life better. And I really want to, I don’t want to disappoint her, but sometimes she’s a bit too strict for me to fall in her standards of what constitutes a good and responsible person for her, you know?” Percy started, probably hoping Nico would answer with some kind of advice, or sympathy, or whatever he was trying to do.

Unfortunately, Nico had listened to half of his words just because he was already thinking about his father, and the fact that Will did not say hi to him a few minutes before, and those campers that he was sure were talking about him at the mess hall.

“Sometimes I just need to do my thing and not think about what she would say or what my mom would say or whatever. Do you ever get that?” Jackson continued, but Nico’s system just registered the last question and nothing else.

And Percy expected an answer.

“Jackson,” Nico interrupted.

“Yeah?” Percy replied, still a bit lost in his thoughts.

“Silence, remember?” Nico reminded him, looking at him to get the message across and maybe wake him up from whatever was going through his head. He really was getting a headache at that point, probably from the fact that he didn’t sleep that night.

Percy seemed to indeed listen, realization across his face when he met Nico’s eyes.

“Right. Sorry, let’s just take the stuff and go,” The older boy stated, lowering his tone.

Nico was really glad he understood. He was also in part glad Percy looked at him in the eyes, because the son of Poseidon’s eyes were definitely the most beautiful thing he ever saw on another – partly – human being. And he despised himself for thinking that.

Arrived at the beach, he followed Percy toward the tablecloths. They started picking up everything still on top of them, like Pier and Hazel carefully placed them, Nico personally trying to stay still from getting closer to him and keeping as much distance as possible.

At that point, he was just going crazy trying to not imagine more vividly the image that went through his head thinking about him and Percy alone on a beach, and he vividly hoped that he was wrong in thinking that he had dreamt that same scene months before. He really hoped that nothing was showing by the way he seemed too jumpy or seemed to rush when picking up the stuff that was closer to the other boy.

And, obviously, a paper cup had to fall from his hand. And goddammit, if his head wouldn’t have spun that much all in one second from not eating that whole day, he would have noticed that Percy was already picking it up before placing a hand on his. And goddammit if he only would have been quicker, he would have noticed that it took a little bit too much for him to take it off of Percy’s and back away like the fucking idiot he was.

_Merda, merda, merda._

He thanked the dark for the tenth time for covering the redness on his face that he felt creeping up seconds before. He registered Percy’s face going from serious to attentive, like he had just said something that sparked his interest.

“Nico, sorry, I wasn’t…” He started, stuttering a bit like he couldn’t quite place the words.

Nico didn’t care what he was or wasn’t trying to do, either case he would have been equally likely to just stand there, trying _not_ to think about that dream and fuck if it was being difficult as hell.

He was keeping on feeling grateful to the low light for hiding the color of Percy’s eyes, because those fucking eyes were the thing that always made him melt into a puddle and just stare for minutes. And it was so, so frustrating what he was going through that he didn’t even know what to say to make it seem like he wasn’t bothered by it.

“No, uhm… Just stay… I mean, it’s fine,” He said, shaking his head immediately after. “My fault. We better get going.”

He managed to distinguish Percy’s expression change in a sort of realization, and whatever he was thinking made Nico and the silence around them even more thick and uncomfortable.

Nico grabbed his things as fast as he could while lowering his gaze, and with his arms full he just started to walk away with what he hoped seemed a I-am-holding -it-together walk and not a I-hope-I-don’t-fall walk.

After the second step, he heard Percy getting up from his kneeled position.

“Nico, wait.” He said, making him stop on his tracks, because his tone really was weird. And it wasn’t a good weird.

Nico turned around just enough to look toward his direction, but not look at Jackson directly.

“Come a second, help me with this and then we’ll, uhm… go. I’m a bit overworked here.” Percy said, and he could tell that he was smiling ironically when talking.

“Fine. Great Percy Jackson cannot even grab a plate.” He said with the most sarcastic tone he could manage, while melting inside from the fact that he knew the other had on his face the grin that he hated so much.

“I might be great, but I still have two arms…” Percy said, and Nico walked over to him.

And if he only would have not done that, then he wouldn’t have kneeled again putting down whatever was in his hands, he would not have come so close to Percy’s face. And if that wouldn't have happened, then Percy would have never looked at him in the eyes and stared. And if that wouldn’t have happened, Percy wouldn’t have taken his chin to get Nico closer to him, and he wouldn’t have placed a soft and sweet kiss on Nico’s lips.

And Nico’s heart wouldn’t have skipped a couple beats, and he would have stopped for longer to consider what that kiss could have meant, and so maybe he wouldn’t have thought too much about how much his instinct was just screaming at him to devour that mouth in front of him like he always had dreamed for years. But he did. And now his mouth was just completely on the boy in front of him and there was nothing that had felt that good in his whole entire life.

They were still kneeled on the sand, but he couldn’t care less because he was too afraid to let go. Percy’s mouth felt salty and sweet at the same time, and he thought he tasted toothpaste on his tongue. And the thing that made Nico want him even more was that Percy was allowing him to. Nico was kissing him and tasting him and swallowing him down like he was the best meal he ever had in years, and fuck, he felt Percy’s lips initiating another series of kisses just as sweet as the ones before, and every touch of their tongue felt to him like a defibrillator electrocuting his heart and body. He felt drawn to the other like the son of Poseidon was the most powerful magnet on Earth and it was terrible, because he was totally out of control and he was aware of that.

He felt Percy shift and stand up on the sand, taking Nico’s hand to make the other follow him, and gods, his lips were just too beautiful, slightly parted to catch some breath and shiny enough that they made Nico take the couple steps to cover their distance just to grab Percy’s face and kiss him again. This time going deeper, just because he could, now that he was placing his chest on the other’s. He kept Percy’s face still while he did what he had wanted to do all those days and nights where he would see the son of Poseidon’s face everywhere.

But now he was there right in front of him. And Percy was not backing up.

Instead, he placed his hands on Nico’s hips and just squeezed, caressing the slight curve of his waist with a hard touch that made Nico break the kiss just to breathe in some air. Percy at that point kissed the side of his mouth and licked his lips just to then cup Nico’s face and connect their mouths again, hard, while running his hands through the other’s hair and caressing them.

Nico couldn’t do it. He felt a huge weakness in his knees and he would have loved if Percy would have just laid down on the sand so that he could have felt every single portion of the other’s golden skin on his. Never mind the bulge that had grown in his pants. He couldn’t care less, because Percy was biting his lip while kissing him and he would have chosen that feeling over everything that he ever felt since he was born.

He was still scared to let go. He was terrified of not ever feeling something like that again, and most of all he was petrified by the possibility that it had all been a mistake.

Maybe Percy didn’t like him. Maybe it was all a dream like it happened too many times already, or maybe Percy just realized that he had done something that he couldn’t do or that he never had wanted to do. Maybe he was just teasing him. It could have been all set up, as far as he knew. He was oblivious to the reason why that would have been the case, but it didn’t matter.

There was still an uncomfortable feeling in his guts that kept on telling him that this was wrong. That he would have regretted that, that these things were just not right. Kissing a boy was not acceptable, maybe.

He just wished there could have been a way to just know if that was good or not. He would have liked a list of rules of what was and was not proper, because as wrong as that might have been, kissing Percy Jackson on a beach on a summer night seemed so right to him it hurt. It hurt to think that he was feeling that alive for something that unacceptable. Maybe that’s how it worked. The wicked stuff was the most pleasurable just because it was prohibited.

So he slowed down the kisses, and Percy followed after a while. He reluctantly let go of his lips, and keeping himself from tasting them, he thought, felt like the most difficult thing he ever did.

Percy’s hands were still in his hair, and he kept on caressing and massaging his scalp so good that he couldn’t get away from them. It felt like the warmest blanket in the coldest winter, and he loved it so much that he couldn’t even open his eyes properly to look at the other.

Percy, from his part, was not saying anything. He was just staring at his lips, pressing Nico’s forehead against his, and Nico could _feel_ that gaze. He begged his thoughts to stop making him think that it was all fake, and tried to concentrate on the other’s face like he always wanted to do. He tried to register every slightly illuminated feature of the older boy’s face, staring like he was the most valuable treasure in the world.

When he felt like he was done, he just let go of Percy’s face, backing up with all the willpower he still had in front of the son of Poseidon’s red, shiny lips and messy hair from Nico’s hands grabbing them for a brief moment before, and he felt so empty when he did. He felt like he was frosting even though he was so hot at that moment that he could have started to sweat right away.

Percy’s hands clumsily found his jeans’ pockets, and his in turn found his own jacket’s. They kept on looking at each other for what felt like ages, but was probably just a couple of seconds, before Percy broke the silence.

“We should go, I think.” He murmured, voice low, like he was afraid it could break something if he only had risen it.

That voice did something to what was still hard in Nico’s pants, and he instantly started to feel a huge wave of shame burying him. Shame for himself, for the fact that he felt that alive kissing Percy, but never kissing Will; from the fact that he did kiss Percy Jackson, who already had a girlfriend with which he was about to move together to another city, and _gods_ , the fact that he liked it so much that he could have done that for hours, and days.

_Fai davvero schifo, Nico._

He was disgusting, and so bad.

And now he was just staring at Percy, freezing just because he couldn’t run. He didn’t want to. He had to know that his was not a mistake. Nico needed to hear those words.

“Why did… why did you do that?” He asked, with a tone that betrayed all the emotion in his guts.

The other just looked at him, staring, with a cryptic expression on his face. He then lowered his gaze on his shoes, and gods, Nico wished that there would have been a little bit more light just to see if he was blushing. He really had to stop thinking about those things.

“I don’t know, Nico, I…” Percy started, with a higher tone of voice this time.

That made his stomach drop down a couple feet. So he didn’t know.

“You don’t know what, Jackson?” He continued, the anger that he didn’t have a reason to suppress anymore rising in his voice.

He saw the other raise his shoulders for a brief moment, slightly tilting his head to directly look at him with those clear and bright eyes.

“Can you just… Can we walk back together? I’ll explain.” He asked, with the most unsure and careful voice he ever felt coming out of that mouth.

He really didn’t want to go back to the others. He could have never managed to look at Annabeth in the eyes after this. He could barely look at Percy’s without going crazy with guilt and the deep shame that still felt all over him like dirt. And he had no idea how to quiet down what was in his boxers, even though he was lucky in being so boring he always chose tight and black pants.

But he still didn’t want to leave Percy. He wanted to go home, but the other was keeping him there like he didn’t have any other place to go or willpower to move away more than a couple steps from him. He felt like he had no choice but to comply.

“You better,” Nico said after a few moments, still pretending to be angry.

And he was, just a little bit. All the rest was just trying to put itself together again from being still completely melted on the white sand.

He somehow managed to pick up from the floor whatever he left there who knows how many minutes before, and started walking towards the forest.

The sun had set at that point, but the remaining light let Nico observe Percy’s back when he walked in front of him. After a couple steps, the son of Poseidon waited for him on the sand, giving him a sort of embarrassed and awkward smile. And his cheeks were pink, he could notice them despite his tanned complexion. His already normally more rosy lips were still red, and Nico wondered if his were too.

Oh, he was fucked. He was so far gone, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else apart from Percy’s whole being and that was terrible. He really, really wanted to go home, but he couldn’t and he knew that.

While walking beside Percy, he waited for him to say something. Anything that would have told him that it wasn’t a dream, or a mistake, or a fucking set up of some sort.

“Does my face look that bad?” Percy asked in a low, calm voice. It was almost an amused tone, and Nico couldn’t understand why he could be so chill in a situation like that.

Also, Nico would have liked to tell him that no, his face was so perfect it hurt, and that he would have liked to see him like that every day immediately after waking up and before going to bed. But he had to lie.

“Lips especially," In saying that, Nico felt his own face burning. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Percy then snickered a bit at the comment, lowering his head and touching his lips with his free hand.

“Don’t be sorry. My fault,” He said, raising his chin again. He then coughed quietly, before talking again with a murmured and almost sorry tone. “I… don’t know why I did that. I think I just need time to understand it myself, but…” He stopped, seemingly pondering on the words he could use.

Nico was silent, not even looking at him. He couldn’t. He was too focused on keeping his heart from bursting out his chest.

“I think I just like you, otherwise I wouldn’t have done that,” He said, making Nico’s guts twist and turn and he thought he had been extremely lucky not to trip and fall right after that sentence. “I know you have a boyfriend. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You have a girlfriend too. It’s not just about me here,” Nico interrupted, because he had enough. There was no explanation why Percy seemed to have ignored Annabeth’s presence from one minute to the next. And it was absolutely unacceptable for him to just keep on pretending like the both of them didn't just do something that was pretty insulting to both their respective partners.

But Nico knew that, deep down, he still wanted Percy to not think about Annabeth. His most selfish and dark side was just praying for Percy to just never acknowledge his relationship with Annabeth again from that moment on. And he felt horrible for thinking that.

“Yeah… I know. And I do love her. I just…” Percy continued, lowering his gaze a bit. “I told you before about the fact that I want to do things my way sometimes. When I like someone, I just like them. I can’t do anything about it.”

Oh, Nico knew that. He lived in hell for years because of that. He gritted his teeth, keeping himself from not getting angry at the fact that Percy just explicitly stated that whenever he liked someone, he just went for it. Nico didn’t know how he could be so impulsive without feeling guilty at least half as much as he felt about it.

“So when something happens and I get to have my chance, I just go for it without thinking. I’m sorry, really.” Percy continued, stopping for a few seconds just to hesitantly continue with his explanation. “Also, you told me that I wasn’t your type, back when we just finished the war. I always kind of wondered what that meant, because I mean, in my view, you don’t just stop liking people because they’re not your type, you know?”

He was right. He never did stop liking him. It just turned to another type of attraction that had in it the potential to become love, but that Nico never allowed to get that far, luckily for both. He was terrified that what just happened could have convinced his mind to just release whatever lock was still in his heart and open it up because Percy Jackson liked him and just kissed him.

“So, yeah. I thought about that a lot. And then I started thinking about you, and, well…” Percy shrugged a bit, looking right at the forest in front of them. “… Do you like me, Nico?”

That was too much. Nico felt everything in his mind just lighting up with a warm and honeyed feeling that he hated with all his heart.

Nico just laughed at that question. He had nothing else to do, even though he would have really wanted to just sit there inside the forest and cry.

He gathered all his remaining willpower to keep his blank face on before answering.

“ _Sei proprio stupido_ , Jackson.” He replied with a mocking tone.

Percy looked at him, slightly offended.

“Did you just call me stupid in Italian?”

“Because you are,” He kept himself from laughing, because the situation was simply absurd. “How could you even ask me that like you don’t already know?”

Percy then seemed to process something in his head, before smiling brightly at him, his mouth slightly crooked on one side in a slightly embarrassed look. He then looked back in front of them.

A few moments later, Nico felt Percy’s free hand join his own hand that was still tight around the handle of the heaviest basket, squeezing and caressing it while they walked in silence.

And that made Nico simply lose his goddamn mind.

He had no idea how he managed to get through the evening. Arrived at the Bunker, they both checked how they looked. They both still had red lips, but the blush on their faces seemed to have faded with time. They decided they would have made up something if the others would have questioned them on that, and Nico had the time to slightly quiet down what still was in his pants simply thinking about the possibility that people could have noticed something. They reunited with the others. No weird questions or looks, all of them were just happy to see them coming back to finally eat and visit the ship. Leo showed them the unfinished cabins and the mess hall of the ship, along with the engine room and the armory. After that, they all ate and drank a cup of champagne each, of which Nico only drank half knowing that, since he didn’t manage to eat basically anything, it would have probably have had a pretty hard effect on his brain quickly thereafter. He talked more than he usually did though, trying desperately to think about anything else but the fact that Percy seemed to look at him more frequently than he always did, evidently trying to be physically closer to him. Nico, in turn, avoided his looks just because he knew himself enough to know he couldn’t help but stare every time he met Percy’s eyes.

When everything was finished, conversations came to an end, and his sense of time told him that it was late, Jason was the first one to start packing everything up. The others all mimicked him, and soon they were out the Bunker’s entrance, heading towards the Arena like they promised Chiron. Nico personally already felt the alcohol invading his system, and now he really was tired. So he said goodbye to his sister, not before promising her to visit her at Camp Jupiter the day after to receive whatever she wanted to give him, and he said farewell to the others, avoiding both Percy’s and Annabeth’s gaze but briefly glancing at the son of Poseidon before quickly strolling towards his cabin, his head full of confusion, guilt, shame, and disbelief.

A few minutes later he managed to open the door to his cabin with more speed than he intended and to close it faster than he ever did. He was safe again, and he couldn’t wrap his head around anything that had just happened. He could still feel Percy’s lips on his and Percy’s tongue in his mouth and he just laid against the door feeling it all over again. Imagining it was nothing like reality, though.

He had to take a deep breath and cover his face just to block the images from coming back, because all of them at the same time were making his head spin with need. Because he wanted it so much he thought he needed it.

He slowly walked towards his bed, trying to keep himself from giving in, because his pants started to feel tight all over again and he seriously didn’t want to get off on the memory of kissing Percy Jackson. It felt desperate and wicked to do that knowing that he probably was with his girlfriend at that moment, the girlfriend that he seemed to forget when kissing him that way. Something in Percy’s kiss seemed hungry for more, like he wanted to feel the kiss just as much as Nico wanted to.

He threw off his hoodie and shirt, laying on the bed and unbuttoning his pants to then kick them away when he managed to pull them off low enough. And now there he was, with a warm uncomfortableness in between his legs that he could do nothing about.

So, he tried to sleep. He really tried to, breathing like Will had asked him to do, trying to calm himself and the hotness that he felt all over his body. But the image of Percy’s face kept on popping up behind his eyelids, and it reminded him of that whole year dreaming of him, and he remembered the dream he had again, about them on a beach.

It wasn’t the fireworks beach, it had nothing to do with it. It was a large beach, long enough that he couldn't see the end. Percy was below him on the sand, and he had the most beautiful emerald eyes and the most beautiful red cheeks he had ever seen, and he had been kissing him and sliding his hands all over his back and chest while they kissed, and then Nico made their hips slide against each other with their clothes still on because that’s how desperate they were. And it felt amazing. Percy’s hand then went through his hair, holding and slightly pulling them, and it was heaven. They didn’t even touch, but it still felt like they could have just kept on grinding against each other until they would have come, and he woke up in the morning with the most powerful hard-on he ever had. And it was all Percy Jackson’s fault, like it always was.

And that dream and the alcohol really made him remember Percy’s mouth so vividly that he felt he simply couldn’t do it anymore.

He slid one hand towards his hips and then placed it on his abdomen, just below his waist. He remembered how Percy’s hands were sliding from his side to his back, holding Nico’s body closer to him like he craved contact just as much as Nico did. And that made his hand slide lower, under the line of his tight boxers, to just caress himself lightly enough that he could feel his own touch, but not enough to moan yet. He tried to think of Annabeth. Of Will, even. He desperately tried to fight it, but the more he thought about Annabeth the more he thought about her and Percy alone, kissing and touching each other like Percy just did with him, and that was so hot for some really weird reason. Thinking about Percy hungrily kissing Annabeth like he now knew he could, imaging the way Percy’s breath was getting faster and heavier against somebody’s lips, an erection growing in his jeans, his face flushed and pupils wide with desire, was somehow one of the hottest things he could ever dream of.

Feeling the memory of Percy’s breath on his cheek he started massaging himself, focusing on the tip of his erection, and when he remembered how amazing it felt to have his lip between Percy’s teeth he tightened his grip just like he did when he didn’t want to get closer to the edge yet.

He was feeling Percy’s gaze on his lips, and a quiet moan managed to leave his lips at that thought.

It resonated through the empty space in the cabin, and he did not like that. It was already enough that all the torches were still on, making him more self-conscious than he should have been. But he honestly did not like hearing himself jacking off to those thoughts.

His other hand covering his mouth, he kept on going, slow and steady and just frustrating enough that he liked it. He reminded himself of Percy’s hand slipping into his while they were walking towards the cabins, and how the hand that he held was the same one with which Nico was stroking himself, and that made it even more hot and disgusting for him.

He really did feel disgusting thinking about an act of care as something to turn into a sexual desire, but that was what Percy did to him. He made him disgusting, dirty, and without shame at the same time. What he felt for him was pure attraction, and if that was the love people talked about, he thought, it was absurdly degrading and not pure at all like he always had thought.

Still, his hand kept on accelerating gradually, him not even thinking about it anymore. Disgust was an emotion that he came to hate for all the time he spent being guilty and feeling dirty, but maybe also for that reason, it turned him on like crazy when it came to his fantasies.

So yes, he did feel disgusting. But that didn’t manage to turn him off a bit. On the opposite, he was imagining all the worst things that he could do to Percy, independently of the fact that he had a girlfriend. Like having sex in his cabin at night, Nico taking off all the older boy’s clothes and kissing and tasting every bit of his skin, his hand around Percy’s neck keeping him from moving and kissing him harder than he did that night. Him with his clothes on, and Percy maybe not being able to undress him unless he was allowed to. And oh, what would he do to him. He would spend hours just teasing him, hearing him moan in frustration and breathing heavily under his hands.

His own heavy breathing became panting at that moment, and he thrusted into his own hand when a wave of pleasure started to build up inside of him.

Now he was keeping a steady pace, still waiting for the thoughts and fantasies to come in an fill up his skull like they always did when he was feeling that horny and turned on he didn’t even bother to pull up his covers like he so commonly did when working on his erections.

Then he thought about him and Percy in the common bathrooms, him pining Nico against the shower wall and undressing both of them, then Percy falling down on his knees, taking him in his mouth with Nico’s hands in his hair, pulling, and moaning Percy’s name. He thought about Percy’s quiet and husky voice when he asked him to go back that night, and imagined that voice moaning loudly and asking him to keep going and _gods_ it was too much.

He went faster, closing his eyes and contracting the muscles on his abdomen when it felt it coming. Another moan followed, and a cry of pleasure escaped his lips behind his hand when all his body seemed to contract, his hips jerking up from the orgasm. He kept on going throughout all those moments, and he bit his lip to keep his breath from accelerating even more.

Steadily, he reached the end, and that made him feel so drained but so momentarily satisfied that he almost forgot about the ton of shame that was keeping on building up inside of him. 

He then just laid there, staring at the ceiling moving in soft waves, his breath being the only sound in the empty cabin that still managed to ground him. He feel asleep a few minutes later, sleeping more soundly than he ever did in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translation of the Italian terms:
> 
> Smettila, idiota: lit. Stop it, idiot.  
> Stronzo: lit. Asshole.  
> Avvocato del Diavolo: lit. The devil's advocate.  
> Merda: lit. Shit.  
> Fai davvero schifo, Nico: lit. You really are disgusting, Nico.  
> Sei proprio stupido, Jackson: lit. You're really stupid, Jackson.
> 
> hope you enjoyed. *ironic wink emoticon*
> 
> see you next week for the last n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ chapter.
> 
> p.s. one of my headcanons for Nico is that he doesn't know much about stuff like emo culture or goths etc, so he doesn't use those terms for clothes and accessories. Or even music, like, he doesn't know he listens to techno pop (canonically) but just knows which kind of music he likes. also another thing I like to think about him is that he's like either too early or too late to appointments, like he doesn't really have a good sense of time (though he tries, really). so idk it's fun putting these inside what I write.


	4. The Last Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, I'm really very late with this and this chapter definitely didn't go as planned.
> 
> it's much longer than it had to be at first (it's longer than all the other chapters 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳), and stories change according to how I write characters and I really should stop planning ahead because it's becoming sort of useless, lol. 
> 
> anyway, I hope you enjoy this final chapter anyway. it's like 6am when I'm posting this so yeah this is nice!
> 
> (also I'm really, really bad at dialogues. I'm awful at conversations and small talk and thank god(s) Nico doesn't talk much being the really emo person that he is)

They were just over with the unarmed combat for the day. Jason had just beat him for the third time in a row – not that he had expected otherwise –, giving him a friendly and conspiratory look while he helped Nico get up from the sandy ground of the Arena, while the oldest son of Ares was screaming something about the position of somebody’s legs during some combat technique. The son of Jupiter offered him a hand, but the burning feeling of frustration and loss in his chest did not let Nico appreciate the gesture. He got up on his own, his back and right arm hurting from falling in a not-so-good way since he was concentrating on attacking and not on defending himself as he should have. Jason then snickered a bit, a look of sympathy in his eyes that annoyed Nico more than a little.

“Come on, you know you’re at least better than me with the sword. I’m just bigger, that’s all,” The blonde said, his hands on his hips in a proud posture.

“You’re better than me with the sword, you know that. If you only practiced more with disarming your opponent I bet your fights wouldn’t last so long, _Pontifex_ ,” Nico bit back, trying to hide the burn of his defeat behind his sarcasm. He wiped the dust off his hands rubbing them against each other, before adjusting his black shirt, a bit folded from the fall.

“Well, you don’t even need to disarm. You have someone else doing that for you,” Jason replied, watching him with an amused look in his eyes.

“Yeah, whatever. Just put more effort in that and you’ll see that I’m not that good with a sword either,” Nico concluded, knowing far too well that his sword abilities were nothing compared to Jason’s.

He had seen him fight many times before, and he had found himself almost scared of the other’s look while analyzing and scrutinizing whoever his opponent was. Jason would stay still and focus on defense for the first part of the combat, waiting for his opponent to feel in control. After that, he would give you a certain smirk and his eyes would light up, as he would start to seriously try to make you go down. And he would succeed almost every time. He seemed extremely confident in those moments, so much that Nico would wonder if he was just pretending.

Nico, on the other hand, had had to learn the majority of his techniques outside of Camp Half-Blood. Minos, along with some other ghosts he had met in the Underworld had taught him how to defend himself when he didn’t even know how to hold a weapon. The few times he had shown what he had learned at camp, he had noticed that almost everyone was better than him. He still remembered the first time he dared to ask his father for a sort of trainer, and everything had just gone downhill from there. That, and the training at both Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter – that really explained Jason’s fighting skills –. He was now not too afraid of fighting against whoever that was, and was partially confident in his abilities without his powers. It was still difficult for him to not panic when he could not use his powers in battle, and he thought that showed. Jason, Reyna, and Frank, even, always managed to show him that he was, in fact, not that good of a fighter. No matter what they kept on saying to him, he simply knew that he would have been mediocre without his fake confidence and his demigod abilities.

“So, ready for the singalong?” Jason asked, almost careful in his tone, his face going back to his serious and calm expression. He knew Nico didn’t want to go. But Nico felt weirdly energetic that evening, and he was determined to surprise him.

“Yeah. I’m going now,” He stated, sliding his hands into his pants’ pockets.

Jason seemed pleasantly surprised by his answer, so much that a small smile appeared on his lips.

“I’ll walk with you, then,” The blonde stated, starting to walk with him towards the entrance of the Arena.

Nico kept silent while following him, siding up to him just outside the training ground and back on the grass. He crossed his arms, briefly analyzing the new scratches on his elbows and forearm. He was also feeling some kind of sting on the lower part of his back, but he would have dealt with that later. They were minor injuries, so the shadows could have easily healed him.

Then, he looked at Jason. His arms were less scratched than his own, his purple Camp Jupiter shirt a bit dirty from the dust and sand. The scar on his lip still as evident as ever, but no glasses. He was always scared he would break them, always saying that they had some sort of value an that he shouldn’t be too careless with them. The muscles on his arms were still puffed up from the effort of the combat, and a few drops of sweat were lining his forehead and his upper lip, the stain below his armpits clearly visible. Nico found himself thinking of how lucky Piper was to have him. He was indeed attractive – and yes, hot, sometimes –, but it wasn’t just that. He was loyal, controlled and mature, and he often found himself comparing him to Will in some way. They both had the same charm, even though Jason didn’t show it with words as much as his boyfriend did. They both looked at Nico with the same reprimanded look sometimes, and every time that would happen Nico would remind himself of how much all the qualities that he could easily describe them having were far, far from his own. So, spending time with the son of Jupiter or with Will would always leave him with a subtle feeling of inadequacy.

Despite this, he enjoyed spending time with them. Jason was one of the few people he was not afraid to call a “friend”, and he found himself grateful for having him around.

“So, I talked with Percy a few times since the last reunion party…” Jason started, subtly looking around and only talking when the campers around them were far enough not to hear. “Can I ask you something?” He hesitated, a cryptic look on his face.

Nico froze. He didn’t like that tone at all. Jason was hiding something, and Nico knew fully well that the son of Jupiter didn’t like to keep things from people. The older boy had always been straightforward, not caring about others’ thoughts on what he should or should not say. That scared him, since he was used to the uncomfortable truths coming out of Jason’s mouth.

“What is it?” He pressed on, not really wanting to know. He became even more uncomfortable with the silence that fell between them for a few moments.

“Did you tell him about… Well, your thing? Did you tell him the truth?” Jason asked, looking at him with a scrutinizing gaze.

Nico told him what was technically the truth, knowing that it came nowhere near the full story.

“No. Why?” He asked, pretending confusion.

Jason kept on looking at him with the same look he would give him when they were sparring. That meant he was trying to look behind his words to come to his own conclusions. The older demigod then shrugged his shoulders, looking in front of him.

“He seemed weird when I mentioned the reunion party. He wouldn’t look at me in the eyes and he tried to change the subject many times. But he didn’t seem sad or anything, you know?” Jason looked around, probably trying to better remember his conversation with Percy. “He just seemed nervous and sort of uneasy. So, I wondered there might have been some kind of thing that you told him, or that he told you since nothing weird had happened while we were in the bunker.”

Nico hated the nonchalance with which Jason was talking.

He also had very conflicting feelings about Percy being nervous when talking about that night. If Jason could spot his strange behavior, that meant Annabeth could have done that much more easily. What if Percy wasn’t able to keep it secret? What if Annabeth already knew, somehow? Nico would keep on seeing her at camp sporadically, and she never seemed suspicious of him and didn’t seem to treat him more coldly or anything. He took that as a sign that she didn’t know. But what if Nico had overestimated Percy’s ability to pretend like it never happened?

Panic started building up inside of his guts, along with the overly familiar shame that now hunted his every thought of Percy Jackson and his lips.

Nico just stayed silent. He wanted to make it seem like he was thinking, but he knew his eyes betrayed him in that. He was just staring at the amphitheater, completely immersed in his doubt. He knew Jason had noticed and had taken that as a pretty clear answer.

Nico could feel the heavy silence that had fallen between them.

“Nico, I’m not here to judge, you know –“

“Yes, Jason, I know. What did he tell you?” Now he was just pretending to be angry at someone to cover up the shake in his voice coming from his anxiety.

Jason seemed a bit disoriented after that question. He met Nico’s cold gaze and hesitated.

“He didn’t tell me anything. He just briefly mentioned that everything was good between you two and that he was happy about it. Then he changed topic talking about having a meeting with Chiron about his duties here at camp and his activities, and he went on with that,” He explained, as his gaze softened, maybe in hopes that Nico’s too would. “Is everything really okay between you two?”

Nico could feel the distress creeping up inside of him at the thought of Percy talking about the same stuff with Annabeth and having who knows what reaction. By that point, it would have just been a matter of time before Annabeth would find out, and Nico would have been dead. Not because Annabeth would have killed him or anything, but because he was ready to just run away and not look at anybody’s face again if something about that night should have come up.

“Yes. It was.” Nico spattered, his arms tight to his chest.

“So something did happen…” Jason sighed, diverting his gaze to the amphitheater. He seemed thoughtful before he tried to speak again, only to be interrupted by Nico.

“Nothing happened. And I would have liked to just keep it that way, but I see that Percy has other plans,” His tone was now low and venomous, and he knew he was overreacting.

He was simply trying to keep himself from regretting everything he had done that night, from making out with Percy to holding his hand while they were coming back from the beach.

Jason then turned towards him, making him stop in tracks.

“Nico, what are you talking about?” The other demigod asked, worry rising in his voice.

Nico then looked at him, clenching his jaw.

He wanted to tell the truth. He would have liked to spit it out, telling it to someone so that the weight of what he had done would stop weighing so heavily on his shoulders. He knew it was mostly Percy’s fault for initiating the whole thing. But he just couldn’t bring himself to believe that everything else was not his _own_ fault. He hated not being able to control himself around Percy and, most of all, he despised who he could become around the son of Poseidon. He felt totally out of control with him around, walking on the edge of a blade without seeing the end. He could either fall and lose all his composure, or he could keep on balancing, focusing all his energies on staying still and hoping it would end soon.

He was feeling the same way at that moment, looking at Jason’s serious expression near the canoe lake.

Other campers were passing by, briefly eyeing them while Nico stood there in silence, pondering on what he should do.

“Why do you want to know, anyway?” Nico asked, trying to sound inquisitive.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I was just worried something might have gone wrong. But again, if it didn’t, like you said, then there’s nothing more I need to know,” Jason replied, sounding slightly frustrated. He shook his head, placing his hands in his pockets. “Listen, forget I asked. It’s your business after all. Let’s just go.”

And with that, Jason started walking again. Nico followed him with his gaze, turning towards the amphitheater.

At least half of the camp was already gathered on the seats, Will and his siblings in the center, the fire lightened up in front of them. Nico looked at his boyfriend talking with a girl, and he recognized her as being the one that Will talked with at the infirmary a few weeks before. He didn’t remember her being so pretty, her long, wavy brown hair decorated with some flowery pins. He couldn’t see much from where he was, but he could guess that Will was smiling kindly at her while conversating. That was the smile that Nico fell for and that could bring him back from his spiraling thoughts when they became too much to handle.

The guilt and regret came in a wave, all in a few seconds. He couldn’t keep it inside any longer. Will didn’t have to know, and he was determined to just take that to his grave if he had to. But the weight was just too much to handle for him alone. He realized how much he had tried to push back the thought of what he did wrong, and the feeling that he was dirty and a disgrace for wanting Percy that way.

He needed to know that he was not lying to Will. Nico had to know that it was normal to feel that way, even if that would have been a lie. He had to talk, and he didn’t care about the consequences anymore. He would have dealt with those later.

“Wait,” He called, looking at the other’s back when he was still walking.

The other demigod stopped, looking at him with a questioning look.

“I’m here,” He replied.

That was all that Nico had to know.

“I’ll explain. Do you have a few minutes?” He asked, still hoping deep down that the other would just walk away.

Instead, Jason turned towards him.

“Course,” He hesitated, looking around briefly. “You wanna go to the lake?”

Nico nodded.

“Let’s get this over with,” He muttered, more to himself than to the other.

They got back on their tracks alongside each other and stopped on the bank of the lake, Nico keeping a bigger distance than Jason to not bother the naiads. He was one of the few people at camp that they would not greet because he “stank of death”. Not that he was offended by it. He was used to not being liked by whatever creature outside and inside of the Underworld. The other stopped and just looked at him, his hands still in his jeans’ pockets.

He looked solemn, looking at him with expectation.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Nico, really. There’s no need to – “

“I know. I want to tell you,” Nico kept on interrupting him, but he was rushing purely because he was afraid he could change his mind from one moment to the next. “I guess I just have to tell someone.”

Nico knew that was not true. He didn’t need to tell anyone, nobody was forcing him to. It was just the weight he felt on his chest that was keeping him from breathing. Jason really had nothing to do with that.

The other just nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“Shoot.”

He took in a shaky breath.

“We kissed,” He spat.

He kept it as short as possible, and he probably said it much faster than he needed to.

But the change of expression on Jason’s face told him that the message had arrived loud and clear. He stared at Jason, his body still, taking in what he had just confessed. He watched the older demigod’s look change from attentive to confused to dismayed. Jason too was still, looking at Nico with a gaze that was definitely not seeing him.

Nico felt instant regret, along with a huge swell of disgust for himself. He honestly had no idea how he was still managing to keep the unemotional expression he had on his face. Like he didn’t care. Like they were just talking about the weather.

“What?” Jason whispered, finally resurfacing from his thoughts.

Nico hadn’t expected that tone. The son of Jupiter still had a look of confusion on his face, like he was still trying to process. But his voice had no anger in it. No hurt, no disgust, no accusatory tone. That felt like such a genuine question that Nico felt taken aback.

“You heard me,” Nico said bitterly, diverting his gaze on a patch of grass close to him. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you. Listen, we can just go now, it was a one-time thing anyway.”

“Nico, wait, what the heck? When did that even happen?” Jason suddenly asked, getting closer to him and removing his hands from his pockets.

Again, no accusatory tone. No negative feelings whatsoever, just what Nico identified as genuine disorientation. Nico was puzzled himself from his reaction, but lowered his voice to Jason’s level anyway.

“When we got back to take the stuff from the beach. Don’t know why he did that…” Nico shook his head briefly, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I know I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid,” He said pinching his nose bridge, trying to cover his face because the repulsive feeling he was feeling towards himself was really getting the best of him.

He heard Jason stop to ponder before talking again.

“So he kissed you?”

Nico nodded, briefly, really just wanting to get back to his cabin without looking at anyone’s face by that point.

“That does sound like Percy…” Jason murmured in a thoughtful voice.

Nico crossed his arms again, staring at some point at his right, near the amphitheater.

Jason, on the other hand, seemed reflective. His hand was on his chin and on his mouth – like he often did while he was thinking –, head a bit tilted up.

He then fixed his gaze on Nico, and a small smirk appeared on his lips.

“So he likes you, huh?” The blonde teased.

Nico looked at him, confused at first. Then he noticed the slightly amused look on the other’s face, and he realized that Jason was not even trying to advise him, scold him, or anything like that. Instead, his tone was almost conspiratorial, and Nico really couldn’t place what he was feeling anymore.

“Jason, that’s wrong. I really shouldn’t have done that.”

“Are you saying you’re regretting it?” Jason pressed on, and Nico quieted.

The other just crossed his arms, looking at him with that same curious look.

Nico didn’t know what to answer. He still had to figure that out for himself, if he regretted kissing Percy back or if he just regretted everything that came _with_ that kiss. The fact that Percy had a girlfriend that Nico didn’t want to hurt doing that, and the fact that he had a boyfriend that was trying so hard to be what Nico needed that he just couldn’t. He couldn’t even think of hurting him. He would have been able to protect him from a whole army if necessary because he loved him.

Didn’t he?

“Yes. I told you, that was stupid, I don’t know why I didn’t just stop him,” He tried to answer, but his voice came out shakier than he thought it would be.

Jason obviously noticed. He gave Nico a weird look.

“Well…” Jason scratched the back of his head. “Isn’t that because you like him too? It’s normal to act that way when you like someone and they’re kissing you, you know. I just never guessed that Percy would make the first move, that’s all,” He shrugged, stopping for a moment. “At least not _this_ first move.”

Nico felt most of the tension in his shoulders fade away.

If Jason was telling him that, it couldn’t be that wrong, could it? He started second-guessing himself along with all the thoughts that kept on coming through his head about what was acceptable and what was not.

He just remained silent for a few moments before his mouth was speaking for him.

“I shouldn’t have led him on anyway, Jason.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but… I mean, now you know that the feeling is mutual, at least,” Jason argued then.

“I don’t know how I’m still looking at Will and Annabeth in the eye,” He admitted, leading a hand through his hair and squeezing them his fist before crossing it with the other still on his chest again.

“It’s no big deal, Nico. Just think about the world we live in. Half of us are here because one of our parents messed around or fell in love with someone other than their wife or husband,” Jason explained, tone low and discreet. “Don’t think too much about it. I guess things just happen, you know?”

Nico now really had no idea how to answer. The realization that he could possibly have tortured himself for something that was not even worth thinking about was getting on his nerves. He felt dumb, and he probably would have seemed dumb to Jason too if he only had known.

He had a point, but Nico was too afraid to ask whether Jason thought that would make him a bad person like he felt he was. He was still perpetually searching for some rules, some sort of parameters he could use to think of himself as good or bad. Jason seemed sure of what he was saying, and his reaction told Nico that, maybe, worrying about whatever had been going through his head in the past weeks had been useless, but it still didn’t feel right.

He hated having to rely on someone else’s opinion for this.

“I thought we were supposed to be better than them.”

Jason gave him a sympathetic look, crossing his arms and flattening his lips.

“Well… We’re no saints either, in the end. We can make mistakes,” He said, frowning.

Was Nico supposed to think of him and Percy as a mistake?

That did not seem right either. He enjoyed it way too much to consider it a mistake, a stumble on his path. He had no idea if Percy did consider it a mistake. He had to, considering the fact that he didn’t search for him again. If that really had been a one-time thing, then it meant that Percy did not want to repeat that because it was, indeed, something wrong.

Didn’t it?

Nico’s head was about to explode.

“I won’t make the same mistake again,” He concluded, shaking his head. “Let’s just go.”

Nico started walking burying his hands in his pants’ pockets, trying to look determined to end the conversation here and there. He was just telling himself that he had really meant what he said, trying to convince himself of what he thought was supposed to be right.

He still remembered the moment he found out that his dad – the one that he had looked for for years, the one that in his mind was still his hero for saving him and his sister from Zeus’ attempt to kill them, but that he hated for letting his mother die –, was Hades. He thought it was really cool, at first. Then, he found out about Persephone. And about the Olympus disowning his father. And everything just crumbled to dust, just like it did when he found out about Bianca’s death. His father, the one that he remembered as pretty cold throughout his childhood but that was still wise, careful and responsible, was just an underdog god that everybody despised and distrusted, and that had cheated on his wife – one that he had kidnapped in the first place and had forced to marry him – with his, now dead, mother. His ten-year-old self felt like the biggest mistake in the whole world. He knew he should have been dead. Zeus tried to kill them for a reason, and Bianca had already met her fate.

So, he knew about mistakes. And he definitely did know what mistakes could do to people’s lives.

Consequently, the thought of him – a child of a huge blunder and a broken promise – betraying the trust that both his boyfriend and Annabeth put in him was too much.

He had to believe that Percy was a mistake. He had to keep repeating to himself that he had not wanted what had happened. That he did not bury himself in Percy’s arms wanting to stay there forever.

But every step he took towards the amphitheater with Jason at his side, a thoughtful and serious expression on his face, the more difficult it became to remember what he was thinking about before he saw the son of Poseidon’s smiling face sitting on the bench closer to the fire.

He cursed at himself and all the creatures in Tartarus before fighting the urge to run home and shelter himself away from the world.

The evening passed relatively quickly considering what was going on in his head while he was sitting on one of the benches in the front, near the fire. Will sat near him for almost all the time, probably sensing that something was off. Nico managed to look at him in the eyes a couple of times, just to be hit again with that whole wave of disgust for himself and Jason’s words a few minutes before. Jason, on the other hand, was near him still, his arms around Piper’s shoulders while they sang on a couple of seats behind him. Percy, luckily, had moved all the way to the back for once, along with Annabeth. Or at least that’s what Nico could make out when he managed to distinguish his voice from the choir sometimes, just when he slipped on a note or two. He was oblivious to the reason why he could make out Jackson’s voice from the crowd like he was a sort of trained hound, but he already had other things to think about. About him, he tried singing something but, most of the time, his were just lip movements without sound. Nico was glad Will understood the situation; he could probably see it in his eyes that that was just not his best night. So, he left Nico alone, sort of, his hand constantly sliding into Nico’s and caressing it as a comforting gesture. Nico would have liked to tell his boyfriend that there was nothing he could do to make the panic stop that time and that, on the contrary, the more the son of Apollo tried to gently pull him away from his thoughts, Nico’s anxiety would get even worse. And he hated every second of it. All his energies were just focused on not freaking out by that point, and not let the flashbacks win. He knew he would have had nightmares because of all the anxiety, but he could deal with them. On the other hand, he couldn’t really deal with all that emotion that evening, stuck with all those people that he _didn’t_ want to see.

The singalong ended in a haze for him, and he walked away glued to Will like he was the only thing still grounding him – which, on second thought, he probably was. They chatted for a bit, Nico not really hearing anything coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth. He was grateful he could not distinguish Percy’s face in the crowd, and he was also grateful that no one came to talk to him during the evening. Arrived at Nico’s door, they kissed, because Will wanted to and Nico was already feeling too guilty to say no. And like every time, he couldn’t keep his mind from wandering away when they were just a few seconds in. William did try; Nico could clearly feel his warmth, his affection, and worry in the slow, kind way he was kissing him. Despite that, Nico couldn’t let any emotion show from his part. It would have just been too risky, letting something outside when all he was feeling could just be summed up in one word by that point: anger. Frustration, annoyance, whatever variance of that same feeling, but it had nothing to do with love. He was angry at Will for still sticking with him, so stubborn and so naïve to every horrible thought that kept crossing Nico’s mind. There was no reason why William should keep on doing whatever he was doing to try to heal him somehow. Love didn’t seem to do anything if not make Nico feel ten times guiltier than if Will had just been a friend. His boyfriend counted on him, and he was throwing that trust away because of some fucking make-out session and his first pre-teen crush. So, he pulled away. He laid a kiss on Will’s cheek and a couple more on the corners of his mouth because that was the only way he could still communicate and _give_ something to repay him from everything Will had been through because of him. The other just looked at him, smiling softly. That made Nico’s stomach turn upside down with sadness and regret after Will made him promise to see him the morning after to tell him about his night. He also advised him to sleep and not just wait for the drowsiness to get to him like he knew Nico often did when he was too anxious to sleep. They squeezed their hands together one last time before Will was walking towards the Apollo’s cabin, Nico eager to just get inside and put an end to that extremely shitty day – or evening, whatever.

The nightmares did, indeed, came. He dreamed about the middle wasteland of Tartarus, his mouth full of something that wasn’t making him breathe properly, and everything in his body was burning. He was bleeding from who knows what wound, but he was so tired that every time he tried to summon the shadows to at least help him heal, he would only manage to summon a tiny, black smoke in front of him, not really doing anything to comfort him but succeeding in making him even more hopeless and desperate for anything, anyone to help him. He woke up a couple of times during the night – which was good, giving his standards a year or so before –, both of the times covered in a cold sweat, his shirt and pants glued to him and his hair soaking at the base of his neck. The morning after, he woke up with someone knocking on his door, making him jump. He then covered his face with his pillow, still humid from all the steam he had let out during the night.

He was really thirsty by that point. The second round of knocks came, and he was really close to pretending he wasn’t at home. Instead, with the strength he had left, he stood on his feet and slowly walked towards the black door lit by the ever-burning torches.

“Yes?” He asked when in front of the door, voice hoarse from sleeping.

“Sorry to bother, sunshine. Can you open for a sec?” William’s voice replied, already too lively for it to be early morning.

He was honestly the only person he could stand to see at that moment, Nico thought, so he felt the annoyance just partly fade in a few seconds.

He opened the door, still aware of the fact that he almost certainly looked like shit. He squinted his eyes at the morning light coming out from outside the door when he left it ajar, eyeing Will with a probably not-so-pleased look.

His boyfriend wore an apologetic expression on his face at first that changed into a more concerned one when he saw him.

“Let me guess,” Will asked, lowering his voice. “Nightmares?”

Nico just sighed, nodding and cracking the door open a bit more, sort of inviting him in.

Will understood and tentatively walked inside, closing the door behind him.

“I’m not gonna ask about that, don’t worry.”

He was grateful for that. They were always the same anyway, same ending and same feelings of constricted breath and hotness and exhaustion all over.

“They’re never different anyway,” He replied, walking towards his bed to have just a couple minutes more in the safety of his cabin.

“I know that…” Will followed, walking behind him but not sitting anywhere. He gave Nico another humbled look before continuing. “I know you’re not in your best shape, but Chiron personally asked me something that I didn’t want to discuss yesterday since it didn’t seem like the best time.”

His boyfriend pondered a bit before continuing.

“He asked if you could help them with something the Hephaestus’ house is working on, from what I understood. I was sort of in charge to check on you and see if you were okay, he said it will maybe tire you since it’s a pretty big job,” He slightly shrugged while talking, fidgeting a bit with his hands while Nico watched, waiting for him to get to the point. “Basically, he asked if you could meet him at the Big House before breakfast. Also, I had to make sure you ate decently.”

Nico was just perplexed. But he knew he couldn’t say no. He had no reason to, and he was awake anyway. He wouldn’t have been able to go back to sleep and he knew that. He just slid his hand through his hair, detaching them from his forehead and cringing a bit from the uncomfortableness it gave him.

“Okay. I’ll have to shower first, though. I stink pretty bad,” He muttered back, eyeing the clock. It was half-past seven in the morning. He won’t have to rush too much, at least, he thought.

“You don’t,” Will rushed to answer, smiling a bit. Then he sat beside him on the bed, as to prove his point, laying a kiss on his cheek. “… Not that much, at least.”

That made Nico smile a bit as he looked at his boyfriend with a fake glare, meeting the other’s playful look, his bright blue eyes sparkling a little. Nico loved that look. He reminded him of –

_Oh, non ancora._

“Thank you,” He replied sarcastically, still pretending to be offended while getting up from his bed.

He heard Will sighing behind him as he walked towards the clothes he had worn the previous day to collect them before heading to the common showers.

“I’ll wait for you at the Big House then. I have to check on a couple of guys at the infirmary anyway,” His boyfriend said, leaning forward with his elbows on his legs, resting his head on one of his hands. He then looked at him with a cryptic look on his face. “Is that okay for you, me being there?”

Nico stopped. He eyed Will with a perplexed look.

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused.

Will just stared at him for a few seconds before answering.

“I mean, you feel distant. I thought maybe you didn’t want me around, that’s all. At least that’s what I’m getting from what you do since I know you’re not a fan of talking.” He replied nonchalantly.

Nico knew that reprimanded tone. He was Will’s passive-aggressive way of telling him he was offended by something he did. He couldn’t figure out what, still. But it was usually something so minimal for him that he just wouldn’t notice. He could bet that was one of those times.

He tried to search for the right words.

“It’s nothing to do with you. Just give me the time to shower and everything,” He said, partly lying because it clearly did have to do with Will. “I don’t exactly feel pleasant right now, you know,” _For more than just the sweat_ , he would have like to add. Instead, he kept quiet like he always did when he lied. He would just utter semi-formed sentences with a lot of meaning under them that nobody could ever get to.

Hiding behind words was his favorite thing to do, while it was Will’s probably least favorite habit of his.

“That’s okay, I know,” Will sighed again, standing up. “Just… stop worrying about how you look or how you think you look around me. You don’t need to feel pretty to be… Well, pretty.”

And there it was again, the familiar guilt those words were filling him with.

Will was the only person who told him he was pretty. He had never heard it from anybody else, at least from what he remembered. Not Bianca, not his father, not Hazel, not anyone. It was fine for him. He knew he wasn’t that much to look at, anyway. But damn if Will made him feel like he was _something_ when he told him things like that.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t look like shit right now,” He muttered, his cheeks turning a light pink.

He heard Will chuckle for a second before walking towards his back.

He felt his arms sliding around Nico’s waist, squeezing lightly while the other’s head placed itself on his shoulder. Nico stopped again, just staring at the few clothes folded in front of him on another bed, just feeling his partner’s warmth against his back, and he would have really liked to just push him away once and for all, pretending like he wasn’t enjoying being close to another human being for once in his life.

In reality, he was starving for some kind of touch. Any kind of touch, really, from anyone. Will was the only one he could sort of feed on without an excuse of some sort. His boyfriend was more than happy to be physical with him, being a pretty warm and passionate person. But that was all new to him: holding hands, kisses, all the romantic stuff. It felt really inebriating at first, he seriously had to fight back the urge of constantly touching the other, even the slightest. His hands always found Will’s fingers, Will’s hair – which he loved, by the way –, Will’s pockets, Will’s all kind of stuff. It almost seemed too much sometimes, and it could really be compared to food, for him. He would keep on eating until he was full, but he was so not used to being satisfied that he really didn’t know where to stop. And that was were the sexual side of it came. But he really didn’t want to think about that at that moment.

He felt on the verge of crying for some reason, and he suspected it had to do with him being the shitty person that he was.

He placed a hand on one of Will’s arms, caressing it lightly and remaining silent. The only thing he could still hear was William’s breathing against his damp shirt, warm and constant.

Nico waited, definitely not wanting to spoil the moment. He patiently stood there for the other to do what he needed to, in hopes that he would feel better about himself afterward. He couldn’t really concentrate on the hug that much, considering the spiral his brain was sucking him into.

That was love, wasn’t it?

“Nico?” Will called, voice low and sweet.

“Hm?” He answered, mouth closed.

“You know I love you, right?” The other asked. And it was so innocent, yet so full of meaning. Nico had heard him say it some other times, so yes, he knew.

He didn’t know if he had realized it, though.

Still, those words managed to find a place inside his heart and made it skip a beat for a second. Now he really had to cry. And to hit something. Probably both at the same time.

He had to get away. But he was still silent, and he cursed himself for letting his boyfriend wait so long for an answer.

“Yes. I love you too,” He stated, and it felt like he had to physically push the words out of his mouth. It felt like throwing up something that was supposed to stay inside of him. He hated that feeling. It always made him wonder what the fuck was wrong with him.

Will’s arms left their place around Nico’s stomach, and he caught the chance to gather his clothes in his arms to then turn around to look at Will, trying so hard not to avoid his gaze. That really started to feel like an act. He was met with William’s kind, deep eyes on him. Then, his gaze fell on the clothes on his hands. He made a dubious face.

“Is that dust?” Will asked, going back to their usual chatting.

Nico let out a short, silent relieved sigh.

“Umh, I think so…”

But Will was already directed towards his drawer, opening it to draw out some other, cleaner, shirt. Nico looked at him intently, as Will just scanned through his clothes a bit. He took out a sort of greenish t-shirt and some other tight, black jeans and just threw them at him.

Good thing Nico had hyperactive reflexes. He caught them mid-air, eyeing the other boy with a confused, skeptical look.

“You’re _not_ talking to Chiron in that thing, sweetheart. Or to anyone, for that matter,” He scolded him, closing his drawer. “Those belong to the laundry. Don’t make me be your mother.”

He concluded, arms crossed on his chest.

And as much as Nico really didn’t get what was the harm in wearing something slightly dusty if it wasn’t completely dirty yet, he did love the way Will put so much effort in trying to make him look better.

He bit back a smile. Instead, the huffed.

“No one ever asked you to be my mother…” Nico complained, leaving his other clothes on the floor. He would have dealt with them later.

“Your sense of decency is clearly asking for somebody to help you,” Will muttered sarcastically, following him with his gaze while Nico aimed to his shoes just beside the door.

“I think you hang out with Aphrodite’s children a bit too much,” He replied, heading towards the door.

“And I think you should stop being so stereotypical, sunshine,” The blonde bit back, leaving Nico pretty speechless for once.

He just turned towards the other, a – this time really – offended look on his face. Will then raised an eyebrow at him in a sort of question.

Nico really did want to punch him sometimes. But he also usually loved bickering with him, deep down. He knew that. Will was seriously too witty for him.

“Whatever,” He finished, heading towards the door.

Will was right behind him a few moments later.

“Love,” He started, getting his attention. Nico turned towards him, his hand still on the cold door handle. “Talking about decency, I’ll just clean up your cabin a bit since I still have time. You go shower, I’ll meet you at the Big House, yeah?”

Nico nodded, knowing fully well that arguing was of no use with the son of Apollo. His stubbornness level could come very close to his own when it came to things like orderliness and organization. He and Annabeth would get along very well if they had enough time in their tight schedules to actually know each other.

“Don’t overdo it,” He said, walking out the door.

“Sure, dear,” Will concluded behind him, Nico already hearing him walking towards his bed to fix it.

He left the door ajar as he walked towards the common bathrooms relatively close to his cabin.

The autumn morning air was still humid and cold, the sun still not completely up in the sky. Walking in the dark was more comfortable for him than walking in the sun. His eyes seemed more used to unlit environments. He didn’t know if that was because of his time in the Underworld, though.

No one was around, and that was another thing he really liked. Everybody was probably still deeply asleep, waiting for the horn to wake everyone up in half an hour or so. His gaze rose from the ground in front of his feet to the cabins behind him, his eyes scanning towards the far end of the left line of cabins. The Poseidon cabin looked even bluer in that low-light morning, and Nico could clearly distinguish the shell on top of the front door. He had no idea why he was watching it from afar. There was nothing he could accomplish being so pathetic as to staring at Percy’s house while he was sleeping inside. He just needed to shower, and instead, he was finding himself just casually searching for anything that reminded him of Percy with huge eyes, not able to just go back to what he was thinking before.

He shook his head and refrained from slapping himself because he knew it was no use. The drowsiness and tiredness from that night still clang to him, and it was probably that that was leaving him with next to no self-control.

Arrived at the common bathrooms, he showered, almost falling asleep under the warm water and cursing whatever his head did at night that made him have those horrible mages flash behind his eyelids in his sleep.

He slowly came out of the showers after drying himself off with the towel he had bought for himself at the camp store and just dressed in the clothes Will chose for him before. Walking through the bathrooms, he avoided the mirrors and just put on his jacket while heading out, thanking the fact that nobody was there and he could at least breathe without feeling that suffocating self-consciousness taking over his mind.

He quickly strolled towards his house, and when he opened the door he could see that yes, Will had overdone it. Everything was tidier than before, his bed covers changed, and the air felt cleaner somehow. Will had probably left the door open while he worked, he thought while adding his pajamas to the dirty pile of clothes inside one of the cabin’s drawers.

As he was walking towards the Big House, he knew he was late. It was almost eight, but he still hoped Chiron would wait for him there. Instead, as he looked up from the ground, he saw a tall figure coming towards his direction. Judging from the height and the shape, it had to be Chiron, walking with someone else by his side.

He stopped for a second, cursing himself. Then, he resumed walking at a quicker pace towards the two figures talking. When he was a few feet away from them, he recognized Will as being the other figure and felt way relieved. Had it been someone else, he would have honestly hid and just waited for Chiron at the mess hall.

“Hey, sunshine,” Will greeted him for the second time that morning, accompanying it with a gesture of his hand.

“There you are, Nico,” Chiron greeted as soon as he saw him. “Good morning. I figured I could meet you halfway since it’s almost time or breakfast.”

“Sure. Sorry about being late,” He replied, Will leaving his spot beside Chiron to him as he stayed on his side. They both kept their hands to themselves in front of the centaur. Nico mentally thanked Will for that.

“William was telling me about you not being in such good shape, but I still have to ask you directly to let you decide,” Chiron started, keeping his gaze on the dusty trail in front of them. “You should already know about what the Hephaestus’ cabin is building inside the Bunker, am I right on that?”

The Argo II sculpture, yes. Nico thought it was supposed to be a sort of secret, though, so he refrained from mentioning it while Will was still there listening.

“Yes,” He replied promptly, his hand fidgeting with his ring inside his right pocket.

Chiron nodded. “To put it simply, we have no efficient way to transport it where it should be placed, inside the camp. We have some ideas about how it could be done, but,” He looked at Nico, a calm expression on his face. “Knowing about what you did with the Athena Parthenos, we thought asking you would spare us some time and discretion.” Chiron continued with a persuasive tone, but still not pushing.

Nico had no reason not to trust his words, even though the thought of something that huge moving through the shadows with him was far from comforting. He remembered how exhausted he had felt when carrying both the huge statue _and_ Reyna and Hedge on the Half-Blood Hills. He had really hoped not to repeat the same experience again.

“I could do that, I think. It’s not that long of a distance if it’s inside the camp.”

“That’s what I was thinking, too. I know you’ll get tired from it, so I wanted to make sure you were in good shape,” Chiron added, diverting his gaze to the dining pavilion still relatively far from their path. “But, since Will here notified me about your condition, I would suggest you eat both breakfast and lunch first, and take the day off from your activities. As you know, we’re also celebrating this evening, so I wouldn’t want you to be too tired to enjoy your time. How does that sound to you?”

Nico felt the calming presence of his boyfriend on his side just looking at him, waiting for him to answer. Will would have not liked him forcing himself to put his power at use in any kind of draining way. Nico could just imagine what was going through the blonde’s head, probably a mixture of worry and annoyance with the fact that Nico never seemed to care about his own health.

“It sounds good,” Nico replied at last. “When should I meet you, then?”

Chiron smiled at him, a thankful look in his eyes. “Good. I’ll give you time to rest after lunch, but I would like for you to meet me and Leo outside Bunker 9 at five in the evening.”

“Sounds fine,” Concluded Nico.

Then, Chiron just put his hands behind his back, giving him a slight nod.

“Thank you, Nico. It’s a big favor you’re doing to us,” Chiron stated in a solemn tone. “Let me know how you feel this afternoon and if you still think you can do it, alright?”

“Sure. I’m not that weak though, there shouldn’t be any problems,” Nico stated.

Chiron just let out an amused smile that made Nico frown.

“I don’t think that’s completely up to you to decide,” The centaur replied, eyeing Will for a brief second. “Someone else is going to supervise you just for today.”

So, Will was going to keep an eye on him. He couldn’t remember a day in which he didn’t have, honestly.

“He knows already,” Will replied looking at Nico, referring back to their conversation in Hades’ cabin.

“Right,” Nico answered in a sigh.

Will eyed him with a scolding look, and Chiron just looked at them with an amused look in his eyes.

“I trust both of you with this,” The centaur continued. “Now, if you excuse me, I have to check on Mr. D. I’m never comfortable leaving him alone for too long.”

He said with a sort of resignation in his voice, before slightly patting Nico on his shoulder.

“You know where to find me, Nico,” He then eyed Will, stopping on his tracks and making them stop in turn. “I’ll see you later too, Will.”

And with that he was walking again, this time towards the woods, leaving them close to the canoe lake.

Will then just looked at him go, as Nico did. His boyfriend then turned towards him and just took his hand.

“You heard him,” Will smirked. “I’m now officially your doctor.”

“Like that changes anything…” Nico muttered, his fingers crossing with the other’s.

“It will, you’ll see. It’s a shame it’s just for today,” Will argued. “Is there a chance Chiron’ll ask you to tire yourself more often?”

“Stop it, _tesoro_ ,” He replied, lingering on the last word with a sarcastic tone.

Will chuckled before heading towards the dining pavilion, holding his hand.

Nico did indeed eat well. Grapes, apples, and bread with butter and jam were the most Will could manage to make him swallow down. Though the choice of food was limited, Will always managed to mix some kind of combination of stuff that was generally not served just because of his authority as the counselor of the Apollo’s cabin, so the nymphs did actually listen to him when he spoke. Nico gulped down whatever was on his plate, his boyfriend looking more satisfied with each bite he gave. The others at the Apollo’s table were just straight up giggling at Will when he let out a satisfied sigh when Nico managed to eat pretty much everything on his plate. After breakfast, Will advised him to not go back to bed, but to just linger on his porch for a bit just taking in some sunlight since “it was good for him”. Nico was sure that that didn’t help with his energy levels, but still, he listened. Will stayed with him for some hours, just chatting and being close to him, reassuring Nico that Chiron knew about the fact that he was there. After a while, though, he excused himself to go check on people in the infirmary like he always had to do in the middle of the morning and the middle of the afternoon. Nico gladly took that time for himself, going back to his bed and closing his eyes, trying to enjoy the fact that he had to literally do nothing. His legs were sort of restless, though, and so were his hands. He blamed that on the hyperactivity. He still felt pretty full from his breakfast, and it was already half-past ten in the morning. He wasn’t used to eating breakfast, so his body was definitely weirded out by that whole healthy stuff he had put in. The food still didn’t taste like anything, though. Yes, he could distinguish between what he was eating, like the buttery flavor of the bread and the sourness and the sweetness of the grapes, but he didn’t seem to enjoy any of that. He was luckily very used to that, to food not being that great in his life. He just hoped that it would disappear, at a certain point, that his mind would somehow fix itself. Now that he was thinking about it, he could pinpoint the moment in which everything became sort of gray. It had to do with Tartarus, for sure. His sister’s face still too clear when she saw him for the first time after being freed from the jar he was in, the look of extreme sadness and shock on her face when he was just practically skin and bone from falling into Tartarus for his own huge stupidity and being defeated and captured by a hoard of arais, chimeras, giants all coming towards him at the same time and he knew he was going to die.

And now he could not close his eyes, his heart quickening and he was absolutely determined to not fall into a flashback again. He got up from the bed, and just spent the rest of his morning outside, heading towards the woods. As soon as he got there, he found a dark spot in between some dense gathering of trees, sitting in between and letting the comforting shadows swallow him. The sunlight could be good for his body, but for the rest, shadows felt the most natural and safest place to be in, for him. It probably was because he knew they could heal him if he commanded them to, but he didn’t particularly care. He thought of the fact that he had been lucky not to go into the forest of Tartarus. That way, he could not associate the woods with anything bad. There were no woods where he had been in Tartarus, just dry, warm and unfertile ground that didn’t remotely contain any humidity.

He still could not close his eyes, laying his back on a tall tree’s cortex and looking towards the end of the woods. Will would not find him in his cabin, but at least he would see him for lunch.

His sword was lying beside him, and his ring was resting safely on his finger. His jacket was warm and comfortable, as he finally grew into it with time. He soon would have to replace it with something new. Staring at his own shoes for most of the time, drowsiness managed to wash through him, and his eyelids became heavy. He tried to stay awake, a stinging feeling of anxiety punching his guts every time he let his eyes shut for a while, but he somehow still managed to doze off.

He jolted up when he thought he had heard footsteps approaching him. He took his sword and pushed it to the ground, a black mist forming in front and all around him.

He felt himself fully wake up when the familiar sound of the river washed through his consciousness, making him remember where he was. All he could hear were some voices in the distance and water flowing not too far from him. The mist withdrew in his sword and in the groud again, and he relaxed his muscles thinking about how embarrassing that would have been if someone had seen him. Luckily, no one was near, and judging by the position of the sun, it was probably around lunchtime. Will was going to be pissed.

He quickly put himself back together and started walking towards the dining pavilion, praying for the possibility of Will being late too. He didn’t have too many high hopes, though.

Indeed, he was late. No camper was around the camp as everyone was just eating at the mess hall. He promptly spotted Apollo’s table, Will not even talking with his siblings, which was really bad. He had the urge to walk away fast. Despite that, he gathered his courage to just walk towards the table, sitting beside his boyfriend trying to hide his sword on his side and half under the table.

Will looked at him with a reprimanded glare while Nico nonchalantly greeted his siblings, that were all looking at him with a sorry look on their faces. They knew Will when he was angry. He knew him too.

“So?” Will asked tartly.

“I couldn’t sleep in the cabin, so I went into the woods. I didn’t think I would fall asleep,” Nico muttered, looking at the purple tablecloth and playing with his ring in front of him.

“And?” Will questioned inquisitively.

“I’m sorry,” Nico replied, finally looking ta him in the eyes.

Will’s expression then went from hard to soft again, even though Nico did notice that he was trying to keep his hard face up.

“If you have problems sleeping, you call me, alright? Don’t just go where I cannot find you,” Will stated. “Especially not today.”

Nico just nodded, diverting his gaze again to the table in front of him.

“You better eat everything I give you, honey,” Will stated, getting up from his table to go grab something for him to eat.

When he came back, Nico was chatting with Kayla, her being the only child of Apollo he could actually have some kind of conversation with. As she looked up towards Will, Nico did too.

Two plates were in his hands, and as he put them down, he saw potatoes, meat, spinach, and an orange. Considering the fact that they covered both plates, they were not a small quantity.

Nico sighed in resignation.

“All of it?” He asked.

“A bit of everything, at least. You won’t eat until dinner, so you have to eat something that will make you digest more slowly,” Will stated, getting back on his seat. Then, he looked at him with an ironic smile. “Good luck, sunshine.”

Nico wanted to argue, but he knew he had deserved it. It wasn’t supposed to be a punishment in the first place, even though it wasn’t exactly pleasant for him to stuff himself up.

He managed, though, eating relatively slowly and switching between the dishes and taking a bite out of everything.

Lunchtime came to an end, and Will seemed satisfied with him enough to walk him back to his cabin and sitting beside him, waiting for Nico to fall asleep or at least just watch him rest, dozing off from time to time.

Nico woke up a couple of times, and the second time Will was gone. The cabin felt empty, and he was definitely not going back to sleep. He did spend some days like that during the years, just not leaving his bed, but it was always because he had tired himself _before_ , not because he would have had to tire himself later. That was just not natural to him.

He slowly got up from his bed, heading towards his door. It was close to five anyway, so he decided to just go and get this over with. He put on his jacket and his shoes and headed out towards the woods for the second time that day.

While walking through them he felt the familiar darkness and shadows engulfing the rays of sunlight still coming from the close-to-setting sun, and he headed towards the Bunker.

Arrived at the door of the structure, he noticed it was open already. Entering the structure carefully – because you can never be too cautious –, he found Chiron’s and Leo’s voice talking in front of the ship’s sculpture. It was just as majestic and huge as he remembered, shiny and spotless. He couldn’t say the same about the children of Hephaestus wiping their hands on the tables all around the sides of the bunker.

Chiron, then, looked up towards him, almost sensing his presence from afar. He smiled at him before talking.

“Good evening, Nico,” The centaur greeted, making Leo turn around too. “Come here, everything should be ready.”

“Oh hey, death boy!” Leo chimed in, a proud smile on his face too.

“Hi,” He replied, coming down the initial stairs and then towards them.

“How are you feeling, then?” Chiron asked, crossing his arms on his chest. “Will told me you have been resting well, but it’s still up to you to make sure you can do it.”

“I’m okay. There shouldn’t be any problems,” He promptly answered, eyeing the ship in all its might.

Thinking about that think traveling behind him in the shadows was making him already feel tired. He tried not to let it show. It was just a small distance, after all.

“Then we can start tying you up to this big girl here,” Said Leo, both excitement and happiness in his tone. “Follow me.”

Nico did as he was told, walking behind the son of Hephaestus towards the side of the ship. Chiron followed close behind.

Leo stopped right beside the hull, under the small entrance that held the golden chain of the anchor. A sort of harness clearly made for someone to slide into. Leo pointed at that while talking.

“We want you to be comfortable during the short trip, so we equipped the ship with this,” Leo explained while the golden chain was slowly unrolling towards the floor, the metallic sound of the huge chain filling up the place.

Nico just looked at it with a skeptic look that Leo managed to notice.

“I know, it looks like a dog’s harness. That was not the intention,” Leo hurried to say in an apologetic tone.

“I wasn’t thinking about that, Leo,” He replied, stopping him before he could say something else to make him regret his decision.

The gear landed in front of him, and he analyzed it with a thoughtful look. It really looked like a dog’s harness. He would have honestly preferred the chains.

“I said that just in case,” Leo added. Then, he smiled again. “You’re just going to put this on and then you’re good to go.”

Nico nodded, still eyeing the harness in front of him. He just put it on after picking it up in his hands and turning it around to first understand how it worked. He carefully slid in it, the yellow fabric around his waist and shoulders much heavier than he thought.

“Why not just the chains?” Nico questioned, looking at Leo again.

The other demigod just stared at him, like he wasn’t expecting that question.

“Dude, I knew you were badass and everything, but I don’t want you to break a rib or something,” Nyssa chimed in, rubbing her gloved hands together to shake off the dust from whatever she was doing before.

She just placed her hands on her hips, a friendly smile on her lips.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Nico added, now looking at her.

“We know, we know,” Nyssa replied quickly while walking closer towards him.

She stopped a few inches from him and started to secure the gear to his chest, tightening the fabric around his shoulders. The heaviness probably came from the metal sustainers on the outside of the harness, giving it shape. It was weird for Nico, having someone he didn’t know that well touching him. He started feeling slightly uncomfortable.

“There, that should do it,” She stated, stepping back and observing her work. “ _Now_ you’re good to go.” She added, turning towards Leo with a scolding look.

He just made a face, probably mocking her.

“Thanks,” Nico muttered.

“Now, Nico,” Chiron called, making Nico turn around to face him. “You should place the ship in between the dining pavilion and the beach. There is no precise point in which you should drop it, so that is on you.”

Nico sensed a certain heaviness in those words. It was different from what he had done with the Athena statue. Now people were counting on him to choose the right spot. That small responsibility started weighing on his chest more than it should have been.

“Okay,” He replied, keeping eye contact with the centaur in front of him.

“I’ll head to the dining pavilion now so that when you’ll drop the ship, I’ll be close by,” Chiron added, already warming up his legs, the sound of his hoofs touching the floor resounding around them. “Will will be with me, just in case you need help.”

Nico just nodded, in his eyes what he hoped was a trusting look.

“I’ll see you there,” The centaur concluded, trotting away and being soon out the door.

“You ready, death boy?” Leo called behind him. “I’m going to unfasten the hooks that are securing the ship. After that, you can drag her wherever you want.”

“Understood,” Nico replied, touching the chain secured to the harness, the cold metal clinging under his fingers.

“But try to be gentle. She’s like a true princess, fragile and delicate,” Leo added in a sort of dreamy voice, lowering the volume of his voice.

“Stop that, Leo, she’s not just yours,” Nyssa chimed in again, from behind them somewhere. Leo just huffed at the comment.

“Me and her have something that you cannot understand,” Leo rebutted, his voice high again to make himself heard.

“I got this, Valdez,” Nico spoke, already feeling the shadows rise around him and the familiar darkness engulf his feet first. “Stop pondering,” He commanded, facing the direction of the beach.

“Okay, fine,” He replied, walking towards the back of the ship.

After a few moments, he heard many clicks above him, feeling the chain slightly moving behind him.

“Good luck!” Leo called from behind him, and just like that, the shadows expanded to completely cover the ship, a metallic cry escaping from something behind him.

He ordered the shadows to bring him to the place he was visualizing, on the grass closer to the beach than to the mess hall. He felt the harness around his chest tightening and pulling him backward, but he kept going. He knew what to expect from something so huge. The dark around him didn’t leave space for any ray of light like it often happened when he had to summon many of them. He warped forward, feeling his guts twist and his head being tightly pressed by something. Even though his muscles were not that tense, he still felt his energy rapidly declining as he traveled forward, his arms being pulled down by the pressure just like he would feel if he was underwater. After what seemed like seconds, the shadows began to fade in front of him, letting the light pass through them and in his eyes. He felt himself being lightly dropped on the grass, the harness still very tight around his body. Then, the shadows faded. And with them, so did his strength.

The gravity kicked in again, making his stomach drop and him stumble forward. The chain, though, kept him on his feet, not letting him fall flat on the ground.

As he got back on his feet, he thought that it could have been worse. It did feel unpleasant, but at least he didn’t have a completely empty stomach. It felt like a full-body workout in the scorching sun, but nothing too bad.

Looking around him and letting out a sigh of relief when he realized that he was only a few meters behind the point that he visualized, the nervousness fading from him.

Then, he heard voices approaching his spot, and he turned towards them to find Chiron, Will, and a group of other campers behind them. Some of them were Apollo’s children, right behind Will. The others were just from other random cabins.

“How was it, sunshine? Need some help?” Will approached him, touching his forehead. He had a brown leather bag around his shoulders and was looking at him with concern.

His boyfriend seemed to cover up his shock for seeing something so huge coming out from behind him, and Nico could tell he was just as stunned as he was when he had first seen the ship. He kept on with his professional attitude, though, his worry somehow being more important than the massive structure in front of him.

“I’m fine. I expected worse, actually,” Nico replied, his voice tired.

“You look tired, though,” Will argued, searching for something inside his shoulder bag.

“I am, but it’s not that bad. You can stop worrying,” He muttered, diverting his gaze towards Chiron.

“You did a great job, Nico. Now we’ll just wait for the Hephaestus’ house to check if everything is in place, and then you’ll be free to go and rest,” Chiron stated, a kind smile forming on his lips.

“Not skipping dinner, though,” Will said, closing his bag and handing him a food bar wrapped in a white cloth. “This’ll put you back in shape.”

Nico looked at it with suspicion. Will just took his hand and placed it on his palm with a scolding look. He couldn’t protest.

As he raised his gaze, he glanced at the other campers around them. Some of them were admiring the ship with their mouths open and eyes wide, while some other were just looking at him and then back at the ship with a weird look in their eyes like they couldn’t decide between being scared of him or give him some kind of recognition for what he just did. He felt a weird feeling creeping up his chest, like he himself didn’t know what to think of himself.

The pride inside of him did indeed feel comforting, as he knew he had done a good job. He had his energies spent on pure altruism since he knew he would not get anything in return apart from the satisfaction of helping Chiron and the Hephaestus’ children. Despite that, he still felt like he had to have some underlying selfish reason for doing that.

He was full of selfishness and egoism. He couldn’t deny the fact that his decisions were almost always self-centered, and he was not proud of that. But doing someone a favor like that, not getting anything in return, made him feel even more like a liar. All those people in front of him, they had no idea how corrupted his mind was. He had forgotten about being “good” a long time before, so he didn’t even try anymore. It was useless trying to be liked by people when they don’t enjoy liking you in the first place. Still, the looks he was receiving felt like the looks that people gave Jason, Annabeth, and his friends when they managed to come back from yet another quest to save the world. The rare times in which people had looked at him like that, they would forget in a few days. Nobody ever tried to talk to him anyway, except when they had to.

But it felt so nice. Being acknowledged and admired felt so good that he couldn’t help but stand there, looking at every person that had their eyes on him, and bathe in the positive attention that he didn’t want to believe he needed.

Nyssa was the first to arrive after a while, Leo and their siblings following her. She freed him from the harness around his chest, unchaining it from the side of the ship and holding it under her arm. She gave him a bit of a crooked smile that reminded Nico of her father, before giving him a thumbs up and getting to work. Leo thanked him for “keeping her safe”, meaning the ship, and that made Nico cringe a bit on the inside. The siblings of the Hephaestus house all confirmed that everything was indeed still in its place and, as they did, they all came to either pat him on the shoulder or just smile at him before heading back to Bunker 9 to finish whatever they needed to do. Chiron and the other campers all headed back towards either their cabins or their respective activities, some of them still muttering stuff to each other and following him with their gaze, while he and Will headed back to the Hades’ cabin.

The evening was temperate, but the chilly breeze was making him shiver. His blood pressure had probably dropped too low, but it wasn’t too bad. Before leaving Will at his door, he let him made sure that he really was okay and was not about to collapse, before kissing him goodbye and reassuring him by stating that he was definitely going to bed.

He really did go to bed, but he didn’t sleep. The dark walls of the cabin still reminded him of his father’s castle down in the Underworld a bit too much, and thoughts about that place always led him to Tartarus again. Cursing himself, he just laid in bed, cleaning his sword from time to time and just thinking about what Percy was doing while he carried the ship into the shadows. With that suffocating thought, Percy’s name bouncing back and forth in his skull, echoing and really bothering his fragile inner peace, he spent at least an hour doing basically nothing.

Half an hour or so later, he thought he was really getting tired of choosing what to wear every month for either random celebrations or the reunion parties. Not just for the fact that he didn’t have that many clothes, but also because he really didn’t like hearing himself worrying about something that he normally didn’t care about. The thought that he could let Will choose his clothes crossed his mind more than one time, considering he did hang out with the children of Aphrodite and the simple fact that both he and his siblings seemed to care a lot – at least for Nico’s standards – about their appearance. But it just seemed like stooping too low at that point. So he took the matter in his own hands for that time too, like he was doing every month. He became frustrated trying to decide if he should opt for the same outfit he went for the night of two months before or creating a different, more elaborate look just to not disappoint his boyfriend that had probably thought about what to wear with some kind of criterion. He glanced at the clock.

He was fifteen minutes late. Will would have not liked that.

_Ma chi me lo fa fare?_

He just pushed whatever thought of inadequacy deep inside his mind and put on the same black-and-white-squares shirt he had been looking at for ten minutes now and slid into his black pants, keeping the chain on because he simply didn’t have time. He took a glimpse of himself at the mirror near the door – and decided he would have avoided mirrors all night long – and quickly walked out the door, his worn-out shoes on along with his skull ring and aviator jacket, considering the cool Autumn air at camp.

He quickly walked towards the beach, to the point where he had taken the Argo II monument just that morning, just beside the mess hall.

He could hear the many voices of the campers laughing and gathering around the sculpture, and he could see some of them just now running out of their houses to trot towards the sound of the party. He briefly looked towards the cabin of Apollo to his left, noticing a head of wavy, blonde hair sitting on the stairs of the golden porch. He stopped when Will looked at him. His boyfriend just smiled warmly at him, getting up from his sitting position to quickly walk towards him.

When Will was in front of him, he took Nico’s hand hesitantly, the unsure expression on his face fading when Nico gave his hand a light squeeze.

“I knew you’d be late, so I waited. Don’t look at me like that.” His boyfriend murmured, slightly offended.

Nico didn’t realize he was looking at him with a perplexed expression. Of course, Will was waiting for him. He had to stop making it seem like he was ungrateful for every little favor the other did for him.

He relaxed his expression, softening it to look at the son of Apollo with a sweeter face.

“I know, sorry. I just didn’t expect it,” Nico explained more coldly than he intended.

His boyfriend just gave him a small smile in return, crossing his finger with his own.

“Well, you should expect it from now on. Let’s go?” Will asked innocently in anticipation.

He was obviously oblivious to the panic building up inside of Nico’s chest, anticipating the moment in which he would have been forced to acknowledge Percy’s presence at the party with his boyfriend at his side, trying not to give out anything about whatever had happened between them and that he _definitely_ didn’t want to happen again. Or at least that’s what he had to think to just hope Will would have not noticed anything.

“Yeah.” He replied, Will’s hand being the single foothold he could still hold on to while the whole world around him seemed to just be a few minutes from collapsing.

“I know you’re nervous, sunshine,” Will started a few moments after they started walking. “If you need to take a break throughout the evening just tell me and I’ll make up an excuse. Like an allergy to the food or something. I think the headache story won’t work for long anymore.” He continued with a rich tone, caressing his hand.

“I’m not that nervous. Maybe I’ll just need a moment once in a while to recharge, nothing too bad,” Nico replied, lying.

“How are the flashbacks?” The son of Apollo asked, lowering his volume.

“Good. They’re better these days, it’s just the nightmares most of the time,” Nico answered, honestly this time. “So don’t worry.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Will said in a victorious tone. Nico could almost feel the tension fading out of his boyfriend’s shoulders at that sentence.

Obviously, Will was worried about that. Not about being presentable, not about his hair, not about holding his hand all the way to the party. He could think about anything else, but still, he kept thinking about Nico even on occasions like that.

How could Nico even deserve him, he thought. That question had no answer.

He remained silent, fighting the urge to run back to his house and possibly far in the Underworld to not being forced to hear the waves of laughter and the noisy chatting of the campers that were giving him a dreadful feeling.

He hoped he would not start sweating, because he was already feeling his breath being constricted and his guts twisting uncomfortably when he eyed the crowd gathered at the pavilion, most of them with cups in their hands and a smile on their faces.

Once they were close enough for Nio to distinguish some faces, he could see some children of the Hermes’ and Ares’ cabin engaging in what looked like a pretty easy game, their glasses lined up in the form of two triangles facing each other on a table and them taking turns throwing some grapes into the glasses. Nico had no idea what they were doing, but judging from their faces it was a competitive game and Connor Stoll was definitely cheating.

A couple of siblings from the Hermes’ cabin stopped staring at the cups on the table to wave their hand at Will, him responding with a cheerful “hi!” and a wave of his own hand.

Nico avoided their gaze and tried focusing on something else. He recognized some people from Aphrodite’s cabin just chatting with each other, once in a while including someone else in their conversations to then whisper in each other ears again and giggle. That made Nico cringe so hard he had to look away to not spiral again in his thoughts of people talking behind his back and saying the most hateful stuff and just mocking him. That was not the time to become self-conscious, even if he already was. He was just ignoring what he was feeling like he always tried when he was afraid of disappointing people. In that case, that person was Will.

Finally, a friendly hand placed itself on his shoulder. It was Hazel, along with Frank and Jason.

“Nico, there you are!” She greeted, hugging him.

He hugged her back a sweet feeling of relief washing through him and relaxing his muscles.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound so weirded out as he did seem to his own ears. He still hugged her back.

“We’re here to celebrate, like every month,” She said smiling, breaking the hug to look at him in the face. “This is technically one of our reunion parties. We received an iris message from Annabeth inviting us over for today, for the whole Argo II inauguration and everything,” She explained, gesturing towards the others, a happy expression on her face.

“She managed to shadow-travel us here,” Frank added, a kind smile on his face and putting a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “She’s been amazing. I can’t say the same about the whole travel through the shadows thing, though, it’s still a bit hard on the stomach…”

“But we’re here, so that’s what matters,” Hazel quickly added, apologetically.

She did really practice her shadow travel, then. Nico felt pride building up inside of him while looking at her sister’s bright eyes. He could still notice some kind of tiredness in her expression, though. Even her usual liveliness had subsided a bit.

Jason clearly did know about them coming, considering the satisfied look on his face.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” The son of Jupiter explained, clearly noticing the questioning look in Nico’s eyes.

“I can see that, thank you,” Nico replied sarcastically.

But he couldn’t keep the neutral look on his face for long, because his sister was right in front of him after he hadn’t seen her in weeks. So, he let all the negative feelings slide and being replaced by the warm feeling in his chest that made him hint a smile to Hazel.

“Your shadow travel is getting better,” He stated, as Will beside him stopped chit-chatting with some demigod from the Hermes’ cabin to switch their attention on them.

“Let’s say I practice a lot. It can be useful at times,” She giggled, turning her attention towards Will and greeting him as Frank did.

They started chatting right away, both of them being pretty similar in regards to their attention to pleasantries. He, on the other hand, did not like that kind of thing. So, he let his mind wander somewhere else, now freer from the burden of his anxiety around that many people. His eyes scanned the scene around him once again, just now noticing the satyrs and some of the other campers – the majority of them being Apollo’s children – playing some lyres and guitars and just singing something that Nico never heard before. The orange light of the fire of the mess hall and the torches around them made it really seem like some kind of old Greek celebration like they talked about in the stories some ghosts would tell him in the Underworld. He saw a mass of long blonde hair inside the crowd, and he recognized Annabeth right away. She was talking with some people he often saw in the strategic positions at the capture the flag games every Friday. Through the people walking in front of him, he could see that she had a sort of awkward smile on her face like she was struggling to keep up with the conversation. Beside her, there was Jackson, talking with another camper Nico personally didn’t know. He was relatively young, maybe one of the newcomers for the winter. He tried to distinguish his face, but all he could see were his camp t-shirt and the back of his head nodding at whatever the kid was saying. The boy was looking at him intentively, and they were far away enough for Nico to not clearly distinguish his features. Despite that, he could recognize that look anywhere. That was the same look Nico recognized on himself when he was talking passionately about stuff like Mythomagic and the few good memories he still had left from Casino Lotus or Venice. Or pirates, back when he used to be obsessed with them. He could bet that was the same look with which he looked at Percy and Annabeth when they first had met four years before. He had grown to despise that look, and he didn’t even know why. But still, he felt himself not being able to divert his gaze from that scene, too shaken up by the fact that that might still be the way Percy saw him. As that kind of excited, lively kid who admired and idolized him as this kind of great hero. Maybe that was why Percy got close to him in the first place. He knew Jackson was not the kind of person to search for power, but he did recognize the look of pride in his eyes when people – heck, even Chiron – talked about his achievements like he was this legendary Greek hero. He could make friends at camp just for being Percy Jackson. The only people who seemed to not look at him with that dreamy look in their eyes had to be the Seven and Nico. But Percy could have kissed him just because he was still hoping for that kind of attention, that devotion that people usually had in when dealing with him. He knew how much praise could make you feel good about yourself. That’s why he was always careful not to be too kind to anyone in the first place.

“Nico?” Hazel whispered loudly close to his face.

With horror, he suddenly diverted his gaze from the son of Poseidon and just stared at her.

In front of him, there were Will, Hazel, and Frank, just looking at him. Will had the weirdest look on his face, and he really hoped it didn’t look like he was just staring at someone from far away because that would have been the most embarrassing thing to do in front of your boyfriend. Hazel, instead, just had a sort of panicked look on her face.

Oh, she knew.

“Sorry, I’m a bit tired from shadow traveling too. No big deal,” He muttered, praying his tone to be convincing. “Did you eat already?”

She gave him a small smile. “Actually, no. Did you?”

He shook his head. “Let’s go eat, then.”

Then, he just eyed Will with the most neutral look he could manage. He just flashed him a smile.

“You go together, guys, I’ll go search for some friends and I’ll be right back,” Will said, and Nico could tell that something in his voice was not genuine.

That made him shiver with anxiety and dread. Despite that, he just nodded looking at his sister and Frank, and started walking. He noticed that Jason was gone, talking with Piper and some of her sisters a few feet away, and he was grateful for that. He didn’t need Jason’s condescending – or amused, Nico still couldn’t predict Jason’s reactions at times – look on him at that moment.

Hazel then just gave him a sort of side-hug, caressing his shoulder a bit, before quickly going on about her questions about shadow-travel and how to make it more efficient and stable, Frank adding a word here and there proudly telling about their ideas to suggest to the Senate when they had the chance. They did eat, in the end, him trying to chat with them and not bothering too much with constantly checking for a messy head of black hair and an orange t-shirt that seemed to catch his full attention as soon as he saw it in the noisy crowd.

For his own relief, Will really did come back, promptly sitting beside him on the marble stairs of the pavilion, seeming recharged from the time he had spent with whoever that was he had spent time with.

And no, Nico was not jealous. That’s what he kept telling himself. He knew fully well that Will showed interest for both girls and boys, though, and that did seem to both him quite a bit. But he had, by this point, absolutely no right to think about stuff like that. Jealousy was not something he could allow himself to feel, not after everything that had happened in those few months. He again started to question why exactly Will kept on trying with him, because he was definitely not worth all the effort he was putting in their relationship. Not when, Jason and Piper and Annabeth in front of him and talking and laughing and having a good time, he was spending his time thinking about where the hell Percy was and why he wasn’t there so that he could just see him, for gods’ sake.

He had to get out of there, because Will’s arm against his was simply making him feel so disgusted with himself that he just had to disappear for a while. He stayed strong for a few more minutes, rehearsing what he could say to just walk away undisturbed and without Will following him. Being with him nearly all day was making his breath feel constructed and he desperately needed some sort of release. When he thought he was done, he turned to Will, yawning and playing on the concern he had seen in the other’s eyes when he saw Nico stumbling a bit after appearing near the pavilion with the Argo II still tied to him that evening.

With his great relief, it did work.

The son of Apollo just looked at him, observing and taking note of his tired face.

“You want to go? I can come with you, if you want,” Will murmured, not wanting to disturb the others’ conversation about some Greek stories or something. The fact that Annabeth started it was all he needed to know.

“You don’t have to. Just stay here with the others, I know how much you like this kind of things,” Nico replied, meaning the whole celebration and social interaction kind of thing.

“If you’re feeling bad I don’t think I could enjoy the party anyway,” He said.

Gods, Nico didn’t deserve him.

“I’m okay,” He said in the most persuasive and kind tone he could manage, which probably came out as his cold tone but less annoyed. “The tiredness is kicking in now. I actually think I’ll sleep well tonight.”

He lied.

Will’s lips flattened, and Nico had to remind himself again that he couldn’t just keep on lying to a clearly smart person who happened to know him extremely well. He brushed off the thought with all his might.

“Okay, dear. I’ll see you tomorrow morning then,” Will said, caressing his hand.

“Sure. Goodnight,” Nico murmured, getting up not before laying a kiss on the other’s lips like a pathetic excuse for leaving him to just go in his cabin to think about why he was such a shitty person.

“You’re leaving, Nico?” Hazel suddenly chimed in.

“I have to rest because of the shadow travel,” He explained calmly. The others turned to look at him.

“I’ll walk with you for some time, then,” She said, getting up and getting closer to him. “I need a minute to recharge too.” Hazel smiled.

He wasn’t against it, not as much as Will coming with him, at least. So he complied.

He said goodbye to the others, hinting a smile at them before walking away, his sister at his side.

While they walked towards the cabins, trying to not bump into anyone, he was still trying to seem tired. It was more for him than for her or anyone else at that point, because he seriously didn’t want o think about the possibility of another night spent trying to sleep while making desperate efforts to shut up his thoughts of self-loathing and anxiety. He still managed not to look at anyone in the eye while he was walking, though some camper were looking at him with a sort of smile on their faces. He had no idea why, though. The only thing he could think about was that they had maybe recognized his efforts to finally do something for the camp basically in front of everyone that evening. They had the same look he recognized from when he landed out of the shadows with the huge sculpture behind him.

“How’s it going, then?” Hazel asked. He knew what he meant with that.

He just chuckled. “I’ve been better.”

There was no point in lying anymore, not when she knew what was going on and he was sure she saw him before, staring at Percy from far away in that probably pretty creepy way.

She just hummed, her lips flat. “You mean with… Well, you-know-who?”

“Yes,” Nico replied, finally letting out something genuine for once. “Is it that evident?”

She kept silent for a few seconds, dodging some people that were coming towards their direction.

“Let’s just say that I figured. I bet other people don’t see it, though, maybe they just think you’re tired or…” She tried, stopping halfway through her sentence.

Nico then looked up, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw that t-shirt he had been looking for all night right in front of him, the boy wearing it acknowledging him and flashing him a side-smile.

“Oh, hi guys!” Percy greeted, his eyes traveling fast from Nico to Hazel. “Hazel, how are you? I couldn’t find you anywhere, did you and Frank manage to travel safe?” He asked, genuinely happy to see her.

Hazel just looked stunned for a moment before shaking off the feeling and smiling back at him kindly before answering.

“Yes, we arrived some hours ago and we’ll go back to Camp Jupiter after the celebration,” She hurried to explain. “Actually, I was about to walk Nico to his cabin, but I’ll be back in a few minutes. The others are sitting near that column there if you want to say hi to Frank,” She said, pointing behind them.

Percy seemed to get the advice.

“Of course. I’ll see you later with the others, then,” He looked at Nico. “So… You rest well, I guess. I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner, I would have liked to chat a bit with all of you,” He said, his hand reaching behind his head to scratch nervously at his neck.

Nico didn’t even know what to answer to that. So he just muttered the first stupid thing that came to his mind.

“Sure,” He replied dryly. “Have fun, then.”

Percy nodded, and he was still looking at him. Nico would have liked to ask him to please stop, because he had been trying to avoid that face-to-face interaction and Percy being in front of him was not doing any good to his already fragile state.

“See you later!” Hazel called after him while Percy finally started walking towards the others at a quick pace.

And just like that, he was gone.

It was the most relieving and saddening moment in Nico’s whole evening.

Hazel then just took his hand to keep on dragging him outside of the pavilion and finally towards his cabin.

“Talk about the devil…” She muttered, and Nico didn’t know if what he heard in her tone was resignation or annoyance.

Either way, Nico felt thankful for her being with him during that. He didn’t know what he would have done, Hazel not being there to cover his ass. The look he gave Percy had probably told him everything he needed to know about why he was leaving.

Leaving the pavilion and going back to the Hades’ cabin, silence fell around them. Hazel had probably taken the hint that he didn’t want to think, or talk, about a certain son of Poseidon, so she opted for more light topics instead. He didn’t bother thinking too much about what he was saying, probably expressing more emotion than he had expressed during all that evening.

It was nice and comfortable being with his sister, talking about nothing at night, around them the silence he so much liked. He thought he seldom had the opportunity to feel that way. It was moments like that that made him remember how nice it was to have a family.

Arrived at his cabin, they hugged. He squeezed her tightly, allowing himself to lay a light kiss on her cheek. She did the same, smiling brightly at him. He advised her to get some deserved rest – just like he was doing, which was a lie – and to wait for him to come to Camp Jupiter when he had time.

She seemed sad to let him go, but still didn’t argue. He smiled as she was walking away, and waited for her to disappear safely from his view before going inside.

As usual, he dropped his shoes, clothes, and ring all on some other bad beside his, and put on some other shirt to sleep in. The house was still clean from Will having been there that morning, and he sincerely thanked him for changing his bed’s covers. He hoped not to repeat the same experience as the night before just to not soak the clean covers.

He slid under the covers, smelling the clean sheets and feeling relaxed for just a few moments. Maybe that night wouldn’t have been so bad, after all. All the anxiety was probably due to the constant social interaction he had to push through that day.

So, he tried to sleep. He really tried, not thinking about whatever he was still thinking and about all the sceneries that could but didn’t happen in his mind. Casually, all these sceneries had to do with either Will suddenly looking at him with realization in his eyes, basically publicly humiliating him, or Annabeth doing the same, exposing him and every single disgusting and horrid thought he ever had about Percy, or Percy not being able to keep quiet and telling everyone what happened just to laugh at him and his naivety. They were not good thoughts to fall asleep to, and in fact, he didn’t.

The small interactions he had with Percy at the party sparked a little bit of whatever emotion Nico felt when they were together at the beach, and Percy’s eyes still managed to give him goosebumps all across his back hair. He hated that he couldn’t think about anything else. It really looked like he was in love or something, which he wasn’t. He acknowledged he had been, for a relatively long time, but now he was more than certain that it didn’t make sense for him to think romantic thoughts about Percy. It was a waste of time, useless, and simply wrong considering he had a boyfriend that he _constantly_ seemed to forget.

What he felt for Will throughout all the evening could just be defined as love, he thought. He liked the way Will smiled when he greeted people because it was totally different from the smiles he gave Nico. He also loved the way their hands were tied together, the way they fit so perfectly into one another and how he loved feeling Will’s warm heat when he hugged and kissed him. He also loved the fact that Will worried so much about people, but less when that concern was directed towards him. Nico still got a weird twist in his guts when Will would kiss him unexpectedly, and sliding his hands through his boyfriend’s hair when they did was one of his favorite hobbies.

How could Nico even think something was missing? After everything they went through, their fights, the determination Nico felt when defending him from those monsters during the battle because he would rather die than let somebody touch his favorite person in the world, the way he cried upon the other’s shoulder when his flashbacks were just too much to handle.

He had nothing like that with Percy. No one in Nico’s life could compare to Will Solace.

Then _why_ , he would have like to ask someone. Why did it feel so empty, still.

He was so used to being in pain that the only thing that was going his way seemed too good to actually be true. That was the only explanation he could give himself for why, even spending all evening with Will, he couldn’t focus on his partner for more than a minute before going back to search Percy’s gaze in the crowd.

Nico really had wished not to find it. He had wished for Percy to just ignore him like he did all those years because he knew that that would have been the one and only way in which he could finally stop overfocusing on every small detail of Percy’s face and mannerism. He was going crazy, and being aware of that left him wishing to travel to the Underworld and just jump into the Lethe to forget everything. Again.

It was all wrong and everything was not going according to plan. Not that he had a plan anyway, but every time he thought he had formulated an idea about what to do with his feelings, they just seemed to do the opposite.

He brought his hands to his face, covering it completely. That was the part where the anger came in. It felt it settling in, but it just rested there in the center of his chest, burning but not coming out yet. What was blocking it were the too many images of Percy’s smile and his hands holding his that he could have killed to hold again.

His mind wasn’t buying it anymore. What he had said to Jason, the fact that he regretted everything, that it had been a mistake, what he had told Percy just months before about not liking him anymore, it was all bullshit. Now he was realizing, putting all the pieces back together into the ugliest picture his mind could ever come up with.

He got up, sitting on his bed with his arms around his knees. He stared at the black wall in front of him, hating every single piece of stone he laid eyes on. He squeezed his hands together along with his jaw, and came to the most logical conclusion.

He had to run away. He had to lock himself in the Underworld and his father’s castle for good and never go out anymore. It didn’t make sense for him to stay anyway. The camp activities were not something he was interested in, and the other campers were even less. His sister could come and see him whenever she wanted, and that was the most important thing. All the others would just live with the fact of him not being there like they already had when they either didn’t know him yet, or just didn’t look for him when he first fell into the Underworld. He would say goodbye to Will and leave with an excuse, like his father not wanting him at Camp Half-Blood for some weird god issue and confining him inside the castle. He would keep on being the son that his father wanted, helping him with the reign’s issues once in a while and he would never, ever see anyone’s face again.

That would hurt. That would destroy him for a while, Nico knew that. That would also upset many people, including Will. But it was the right thing to do. He should have never come out of the Underworld in the first place, no matter what his father kept on saying to him. People would miss him, but they’ll get over it, just like they had to for every dead friend, or sibling, or parent. They were demigods, they were used to the feeling of loss.

When folding up his clothes on his bed, he was already feeling better. A weird anticipatory feeling was building up in his chest, foreseeing the near future in which he would have finally been alone again. No responsibilities for others’ feelings, no anxiety whenever he had to put a foot out of the door, no fear that someone will find out and ruin his life once and for all. He was made to be alone and no one could do anything about that. He would end up like his father, kidnapping his husband because he would have never been able to make someone like him after this, but who cared. He was not meant for the living world in the first place.

He gathered all his possessions on his bed. All his clothes, his chains, his comb and toothbrush, his ring and his sword, his clock, and his old mirror. He had relatively few items in his cabin since he never had expected to stay for long anyway. Past-him had been right.

Scanning them and mentally checking if he was forgetting something, he felt the sudden need to bid farewell to something. He wouldn’t have been able to get back to camp for a while, he thought. If he really wanted to sanitize himself from every memory he still had at camp, he needed to put a sort of full stop to that whole, mostly decent, chapter of his life. He made a mental note of the places he would have liked to see before disappearing in the shadows and put on his shoes and jacket before heading out. He was still in his pajamas, but his shirt and sweatpants were black anyway, nobody would have noticed.

It wasn’t the first time he had roamed around after eleven at night. He had never met anyone, probably because everyone was just sure that the curfew existed for a reason. It probably was, but the few times Nico actually had dared to disobey he had just convinced himself that, if something had to happen, he could really just disappear and nobody would ever find him. He was ready for whatever punishment Chiron would have wanted to give him. That particular night he was even more okay with it since that would have officially been his last night there.

While reaching his first destination, he could feel the cool October night breeze on his cheeks, moving and caressing the hair that covered his forehead. He could also feel the humidity in the air and the soft, moist grass under his shoes as he walked. No sound could be heard, if not the distant flowing of the river dividing the camp in two. He strolled towards the amphitheater passing the canoe lake, careful not to get too close to the water. He didn’t want the naiads to complain to Chiron or whoever that was about Nico di Angelo bothering their sleep with his “death aura” or whatever. After a few minutes of walking, he stood in front of the fireplace of the amphitheater, staring at the benches where all the campers sat that night, singing, carefree and content, the fire burning high and a bright orange-red. He mentally said goodbye to that place, implicitly saying that to William too.

He kept on walking after lingering there for a few more moments, this time towards the camp borders and the Half-Blood Hill. He didn’t come too close on the hills, eyeing the sleeping dragon with its tail tight around Thalia’s Tree. He bid it farewell, along with his first memories at camp, when Bianca was still alive. No time thinking about that, though. He turned on his heels, walking towards the woods this time. It took him a while, but he was determined not to use his shadow travel. He liked to walk, as he was used to. Running was just not for him, though. That’s what he had shadow travel for. Also, he had to spare his energies for later. His trips to the Underworld had the tendency to drain him more than they should have had by that point, and he still didn’t know if that was because he was doing something wrong. Furthermore, he did already put his powers to good use that morning to help Leo with the Argo II thing.

Then, he suddenly stopped on his tracks.

Of course, he wanted to see that first. Then the woods, and then the beach, using that as a goodbye to Percy Jackson, too.

He resumed walking, this time following the river toward the dining pavilion. Following the direction of the current, he couldn’t help but think about his walk with Percy a month before, and the way Percy looked so calm and simply out of that world when walking alongside him, singing who knows what song in a whisper. Nico almost felt melancholic at the thought, but that didn’t drag him down like it usually did. On the contrary, his head had never felt that empty and light. He could almost feel his heartbeat if he concentrated hard enough, and it was so pleasant that a wave of tiredness managed to crawl through his muscles and bones. It was late, he knew. He thought about his room in the Hades’ castle and how it wasn’t that much of a comforting room, all dark with no windows and a bed that was definitely not meant for just one person, but still he knew he would have got used to that like he already had in the past. He also knew he should have discussed that decision with his father first, but he was determined to find somewhere else to stay in case his father did not want him there. The crazy thought of living in Hell by himself managed to make him shiver, but he let the feeling pass without burying it. He would have found a way. He always found a way, after all.

He found himself near the mess hall even before he had expected to. He turned towards it, walking towards the Argo II’s new sculpture. He let its wondering greatness sink in and walked to its side, where the bronze plate was still ingrained in the golden structure. He stood there, his head tilted upwards, reading the names one by one and saying goodbye to whoever a certain name belonged to. He naturally skipped his own. He didn’t want to remember that in the Underworld. That was one of the few things that could still manage to keep him there, and he had to give it up if he wanted his mind to be clear of any doubt. Remembering it would have just been useless for his cause.

Then, it all happened in a few milliseconds. He suddenly heard something crack behind him, too close for comfort. His muscles tensed, the blackness around him ready to swallow him whole and his hands ready to call one of his trusted warriors to help him. He turned as fast as possible, first his head, then his body, the shadows moving with him. He stopped, eyes wide with surprise.

“Uh… Hi there,” Greeted the son of Poseidon innocently, hands up at both sides of his head in a surrendering gesture. “Sorry. I really didn’t expect to see somebody else here.”

Nico stayed still, trying to process the situation. The shadows slowly retreated into the ground, and his muscles lost a bit of tension. His heart kept on beating too fast.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He questioned, frowning with the probably most confused look.

Percy was wearing his Camp Half-Blood t-shirt and some sweatpants, along with some green and blue flip-flops. His hair was messy and he definitely did not put any effort into adjusting them whatsoever. Nico hated whatever weird feeling the son of Poseidon’s face was giving his stomach.

“I hate to break it to you, but I could ask you the same thing…” Percy argued, lowering his arms.

“I asked first,” Nico bit back, staring because Percy Jackson was definitely the last thing he needed at that moment. “You almost made me summon the dead. You weren’t here a few moments ago.”

“I saw someone walking around and just came to see who that was, didn’t mean to scare anyone,” Jackson said, eyeing him with a thoughtful look. “Also, I swear I made at least _some_ noise coming here but, you know, ADD is a thing. So I guess you could blame it on that.” He continued with a slight raise of his shoulders.

Nico coursed whatever had made him stupid enough not to hear Percy’s steps before it had been too late.

Why had he gone on that night stroll anyway? What was even the point in that?

He sighed.

“Forget it. Don’t tell anyone I was here and we’re good.” He said with a calmer tone, burying his hands in his jacket’s pockets.

Percy gave him a weird look.

“Sure. But you still didn’t tell me why you’re here.” A small smirk appeared on his lips, probably meaning to be a smile.

Nico really didn’t want that conversation to go any further than that.

“None of your business. In fact, forget I asked. I have to go back now.” He said, quickly turning towards the cabins. Maybe too quickly.

“I was having some trouble sleeping because this is technically my last night at camp,” Percy stopped him, his smirk fading from his face and being replaced by a sad expression. When Nico looked at him, Jackson diverted his gaze to his right, towards the beach, before continuing. “I was saying goodbye to the beach.”

Nico just stared.

It was too much information to take in, and his guts turned into an uncomfortable position.

“It definitely sounded less stupid in my head,” Percy resumed after a moment of silence, letting out a breathy laugh and lowering his gaze with his hands slipping into his pockets. “So yeah, that’s my reason. Didn’t expect to see someone else here, though.” He looked at Nico, that “someone” clearly meaning him.

So, Percy Jackson was leaving. The same night Nico had decided to leave. Also, Percy Jackson was out at the same time as he was for the same exact reason, in his pajamas, just like Nico was, and probably with the same look in his eyes. That was too absurd to even believe.

“You’re leaving?” Nico murmured, not even trying to cover up the emotion in his voice. He cringed at his own disappointed, weak tone.

Percy just kept looking at him, a weird expression in his eyes.

“Yeah, for New Rome. I’ll come back at least once a month, but both Annabeth and Chiron just keep telling me that it’s better this way,” He shrugged. “So, guess I’ll have to trust them.”

A few moments of silence followed.

“Oh,” Nico replied.

He cringed again, harder this time. He _really_ needed to get a grip. That reaction would make it seem like Percy had some kind of responsibility or relationship with him, which he didn’t.

Nico was just trying to take it all in.

“I mean, I didn’t know. It’s cool though, are you saying goodbye tomorrow?” He tried for a change in topic.

“In the morning, yes. You’ll be there?” Percy asked, almost too hopefully.

Nico felt himself melting on the ground and in Jackson’s green eyes, lit by the torches around the pavilion.

“No,” He replied, going back to his usual and detached tone with the strength he had left. “I’ll have stuff to do from early in the morning. So I guess I’ll say goodbye now.”

The son of Poseidon kept on giving him that cryptic look, and Nico felt his eyes burning into him like burning metal on his skin. He didn’t like that at all.

“Sure,” Percy hesitated, his gaze shifting from one point to another behind Nico. Then, he looked at him directly again. “Do you have time now?”

Nico knew what to answer to that. A clear, strong “no” would have been enough to make whatever Percy wanted to say to him stay in his mouth, and he could have just gone back to his comfortable bed, rest for some time, and then travel to the Underworld before the cabin inspection. A perfect plan that he had to follow if he wanted to remove all possible regret from his decision.

“Why?” He said instead, wanting to punch himself in the face.

He knew he was doing that just to spend one more minute with Percy. He also knew that it was useless and completely not in his plans for the night. He also knew that Percy was one of the most powerful reasons why he was still evaluating the possibility of staying deep, deep inside his mind.

Despite that, he was just staying still, hoping Percy would walk away first.

“For that goodbye, you know?” He said, massaging the back of his neck, a sort of uneasiness in his voice. “I… wanted to show you something, actually. It’ll just be five minutes.”

Nico felt goddamn butterflies flying all through his chest and head, and he added his evident powerlessness in front of the son of Poseidon’s requests to the already lengthy list of reasons why he despised himself.

He just had to say “no” and everything would have been over. Percy was not the one to chase people, Nico knew that. But he couldn’t see a single reason to refuse while looking into the other’s eyes and glancing at his lips, feeling drawn to them like a sailor to a siren’s chant. Oh, that was not good.

He sighed at himself, silently this time.

“Five minutes, Jackson, and then I’m out,” He said, using all his willpower to look unaffected by the other’s question. “You’re lucky you’re leaving tomorrow.”

Percy replied with a content grin, quickly heading toward the beach, taking wide, fast steps on the grass.

“Sure, Di Angelo. Don’t get lost!” He snickered, a gesture of his hand inviting Nico to follow him.

And oh, where would Nico follow him. He knew he would seriously evaluate the possibility to walk into Tartarus again if it would have been Percy asking him.

But he only had five minutes, and then he would have forced his legs and gaze to leave the son of Poseidon’s figure once and for all. And everything would have gone back to normal. At least, his kind of normal. Meaning, loneliness.

He felt powerless as he followed the boy in front of him towards the sea. It was a scary feeling, not being in full control of everything in his environment. He was an observer, often out of the picture just because he was busier watching the picture than participating in it. But now, it was about him and Percy. He felt self-conscious and hyperaware of his every movement, and he suddenly remembered why he felt so free, kissing Percy. He would block out any noise. For a while, at least. He couldn’t make out a single moment during their kiss in which Nico had lingered more than one second on an insignificant detail around him or inside his mind. Everything fell right into place the moment their lips met.

He had the sudden urge to squeeze his eyes to block out any images or fantasies from coming back because at that point he knew he wouldn’t have been able to hide it anymore. Not with Percy in front of him, the sea waves crashing to his right, and the white sand being moved by his feet while Nico walked behind, but still close, to him. Those had been the dreams he didn’t want to wake up from. Just him and Percy, alone somewhere, intimacy surrounding them and the sound of the sea. He also thought about why almost all of his dreams with Percy in them involved the sea, or a beach, in one way or another. That could have been the gods messing with his head, though. Or simply himself being overly fixated with Percy Jackson and the ocean.

Nico’s gaze fell on the high cliff in front of them, towards the end of the firework beach. He liked high places, so he liked that reef. Even more when Percy Jackson was standing in front of him, carefully climbing its rocks to reach the top. He had left his flip-flops at the base of the rocks where they met the sand and was somehow managing to walk on the hard, pointy stones with his bare feet. Nico didn’t want to try that.

Percy turned towards him at some point, Nico still standing on the sand and looking at him with a skeptic look.

“Come on, don’t tell me you never did this.” Percy teased, voice high to reach him from a few feet off the ground.

Nico really wanted to strangle him at that point.

“Why should I have, Jackson?” He answered sourly, eyeing the rocks and starting to follow the older demigod towards wherever the hell it was he wanted to take him to.

Percy laughed again, teasingly.

“Don’t know. I just thought you liked lonely places,” He replied, sounding genuine.

“And I think you should stop stereotyping,” Nico said, only later realizing that he had just used the same exact words Will had left him with that morning at Hades' cabin. He stopped for a second, lingering on the thought, his feet both stilling on a cavity in the rocks.

Now that didn’t matter anymore, he thought. He was leaving everything behind, and that included his feelings for William, whatever their nature was. If it really had been love, he would have left that behind too.

Just like Percy was leaving him behind, already up on the cliff, looking down at him with the most amused smirk on his beautiful face. He was teasing Nico. That made his blood boil and his pride twitch as he collected his thoughts before resuming the climb.

When he had finally reached the top, Percy extended a hand towards him. He looked at the hand, half surprised, half flustered. He reacted quickly, reaching up to him and taking his strong, warm hand with still some sand grains in between the son of Poseidon’s fingers. Percy’s amused look turned into a satisfied, proud look as he lifted Nico to help him get back on his feet.

Butterflies still in his chest, Nico regained his composure, slipping out of Percy’s grip and standing right in front of the older demigod. A questioning look rose on his face.

Percy seemed to wake up from whatever he was thinking before speaking again.

“Uhm, it’s down here. Stay behind me,” He resumed walking towards the opposite side of the cliff. “Try not to fall.”

Nico would have liked to talk back to that statement, but deep down, he knew he was right. Coordination was not one of his strong points. At least not as much as it was for many other people. So he kept quiet, walking on the slightly slippery rock path.

He saw Percy suddenly squat down at what he thought was the end of the downhill of the rocks, and he followed. The small inlet was full of what seemed like shallow water, an aggregation of rocks standing on their left-hand side. Water collided gently with the rocks just above the surface, and Nico started to actually wonder what the hell was Percy thinking.

It was nice and all, the moonlight reflected clearly on the water and on the foam of the waves, but he really didn’t expect it to be only that.

Then, Percy spoke again.

“I’m going to have to help you a bit here,” He kept on studying the inlet while he spoke with a quiet tone. “Are you okay with getting a bit wet?”

Actually, no, Nico was not okay with that. He turned to Percy with a judging expression on his face.

“You want me to go down there?” He argued.

“Yeah. There’s a really good spot right there somewhere, and trust me,” The son of Poseidon looked at him, a lively expression in his eyes. “You wanna see that.”

Nico didn’t know what was the point of arguing anymore. He was there anyway, and five minutes had probably already long passed. He was not getting out of the situation without regretting walking away when Percy was looking at him that expectantly, that intentively.

He had to comply.

He sighed, looking away for one second like he was still thinking about what to do. He turned to look below them, his expression serious.

“I don’t know why you’re dragging me into this, Jackson.” He muttered, hoping that Percy would catch the hint of resignation in his voice.

He smiled instead.

“Trust me,” Percy repeated, slowly putting one foot after another while sliding down the wet rocks.

Nico imitated him, praying to whoever god was still listening to him not to die like that, not because of Percy Jackson’s stupidity and recklessness, climbing rocks on a beach at midnight.

Percy’s hand signaling him to stop with a slight touch on his back, he managed to stand on the same big rock on which the other was standing on, still leaning on some other, higher rocks to sustain him. Then he observed the way Percy was just staring at the water in front of them, and the way it seemed to retreat back towards the open sea to reveal a sort of sandy, rocky path beneath it.

Of course Percy Jackson would do something like that.

“Almost there,” He stated, as he literally jumped from the rock on which they were standing on to a tiny, small circle of sand between two wet boulders that were half immersed in the water just a few seconds before.

Then, he turned towards Nico. He sighed silently for maybe the tenth time that evening, and started more carefully climbing down the rocks towards the sandy ground. When he stopped again, he did so right in front of Percy as he was smiling at him. He didn’t manage to quite figure out what that smile meant before the other boy was off walking again towards the bigger build-up of rocks at their left.

With surprise, Nico realized that it looked like a – relatively small – cave, the path leading to its inside like an invitation to come in. He looked perplexed as he followed the older demigod towards the pile, hands in his jacket’s pockets.

Then, arriving at the entrance, Percy kneeled on the sand to keep on going, this time entering the small cave looking like he really knew what he was doing. Nico still had no idea, though, so he remained speechless as he crouched just behind Percy. He wandered, mostly in the dark, just following the breath and the sound of Percy’s feet and knees brushing on the sand, the rocks sometimes too low to even stand up properly.

Then, he started to actually see something like a small illuminated spot on a wet rock in front of them while Percy kept on going. Then, he turned slightly to the left, stopping. When Nico looked up from the sand beneath his hands, he finally saw what Percy had meant.

There was a bigger patch of sand in a sort of circular fashion, lit by the moonlight entering from a few cracks in the rocks above it, not enough to see the sky but enough for it to be visible. All around them were pointy, sandy rocks rising from the ground almost shining from the dim light illuminating the place, the pungent smell of the sea and the salt all around them.

Nico stopped caring about the sand in his shoes and the humidity stuck to his clothes and face. He stood still, examining every shape of the rocks around them.

Percy seemed almost as mesmerized as he was.

“And this is not all of it either,” He said, signaling him to come closer to him, his legs crossed on the damp sand beneath him.

Nico took the suggestion and just crawled beside him, his arms around his knees as he watched Percy with a curious look.

Percy then just smirked, and Nico could hear water flowing somewhere outside the cave. A few moments later, the waves started filling up the place, the rocks in front of them again being submerged by water, while their small circle of sand just below the walls of the cave remained water-free. Now, the moonlight reflected on the foam of the waves yet again, making it sparkle with a nice white color.

Nico had absolutely no idea what to say. Or think. Everything was just too dreamy to be real.

“So, if you’re wondering what this is, it’s a cave I found in my early days at camp when I would go swimming with the fishes around the rocks. They sort of showed me the way here, and it is great during the day,” Percy explained, staring at the water in front of him. “I’ve been here just once at night and I thought it was even more beautiful, so this became one of my favorite places to think.”

Nico was silent. He didn’t know what was more perfect anymore, if the way the soft moon rays were illuminating the sand near his feet, or if Percy’s warm voice filling up every single crack in the cavern. He would have liked him to keep talking forever, not minding what he was saying anymore.

“It’s good, right?” Percy asked.

Fuck if it was. It was all kinds of right and Percy didn’t even have a clue.

“Yeah,” He muttered, still mesmerized. He tried to shake off the feeling and tried to properly answer the question. “It’s pretty. I like it.”

Percy turned towards him, forearms on his knees.

Nico found the strength to turn his face towards the other too, meeting his eyes. A while later, he would realize what a huge mistake that had been.

The son of Poseidon was lit by the moonlight as well, messy hair still in place, on his face and shirt a few small patches of sand, and his sweatpants’ knees wet from the soaked sand they just walked on. Both of them. Him and Percy Jackson, alone, in a cave, underwater, at night. This had to be some sort of joke because he never had imagined something this good. Not even in his dreams.

So, Nico smiled. It was a small, amused smile because all that was simply absurd. He didn’t know if he had to laugh or cry by that point.

And Percy was just staring at him, a small side-smile on his rosy lips.

“Glad to hear that.” His voice dropped, his eyes still chained to Nico’s.

He didn’t dare to answer. He just slightly nodded, his smile not leaving his lips even when he commanded it to. He was not used to smiling so genuinely. He was not used to anything that had just happened.

That might have been why he started to feel something in the air, like electricity. It cracked and sparkled in between their eyes, and he and Percy were not even that close to each other. He was wondering how Percy would taste like, then. He would have given everything just to know, just to have him on his tongue one more time.

“Can I kiss you?” Percy said in a whisper, voice still low and eyes now burning into his.

Nico shivered. He could have answered anything, really. Nothing would have changed what he knew too well was about to happen.

He had nothing to lose, nothing to come back to. He was free, for once, the weight pressing on his chest giving him a break for what he knew would have been a short time. He could breathe. And now that he could breathe and think clearly, Nico couldn’t see a single bad thing in kissing Percy.

So he got closer to the other, raised his hands to cup the other’s face, and he did. A soft, long kiss, while he lingered on Percy’s lips like he just couldn’t break the contact. He felt Percy’s breath itch near his lips, and that was the thing that did it. Nico kissed him again, harder this time, feeling Percy’s lips part a bit under his tongue.

And then the other just grabbed his hair, burying his hands on the ones in the back of his head, and just kissed him again. And again, and again, and again, until Nico couldn’t feel anything but Percy’s breath synching with his while he worked his tongue inside the older demigod’s mouth, just tasting and taking him inside of him like he did the first time.

He desperately tried to fight off the urge to just get on top of the other boy, pin him down and do whatever Percy would have liked him to do. He kept on kicking it deep inside his mind, but it was keeping on coming back, every one of Percy’s shuddered breaths burning on his cheek as a trigger for it to grow bigger and bigger. He then felt Percy’s hands leaving his hair and finding their way under his still open jacket, gripping at his waist with powerful, warm hands and Nico had to fight even harder to keep his breathing from stopping in his throat.

He couldn’t anymore. His hands releasing Percy’s face and finding their way into the other’s dark hair, clinging onto them while he buried his face into the older boy’s. He kissed him deeply, with need, because goddamn how he needed that right now. He did a tremendous job forgetting how incredible it felt being this close to Percy, being able to touch and do whatever he wanted and feeling the other growing flustered beneath his fingers. He felt like he was melting from the heat, so he finally placed himself on top of the other while still on his knees, quickly freeing Percy’s hair from his grip just to remove his jacket in a rush, still devouring the other’s mouth.

Nico was dreaming, it had to be a dream. As he felt Percy take in a deeper breath and releasing some of it on his lips, he realized how much that feeling was traveling down to his groin, and he prayed that Percy wouldn’t notice just how desperate he was for the contact. So he made their lips collide again, his insides screaming for more, more, and more. Percy then did something that Nico definitely didn’t expect.

His hands traveled from Nico’s waist to his hips, sliding underneath his shirt, and that touch felt like pure fire on his skin. It had such a huge effect on his insides that Nico let out a small cry from his lips as he leaned onto the touch, breaking the kiss for just a few moments. Then, Percy’s hands went still. There was a moment in which horror started building up inside Nico’s chest because that silence couldn’t mean anything good. It seemed like calm before a huge, huge storm. So, his breath really did stop. As he opened his eyes to look at the son of Poseidon, he found a pair of emerald eyes staring back at him in the dim light. Then, the hands placed on his stomach started moving again, higher this time, towards his chest, and Nico felt completely hypnotized by Percy’s gaze. He realized he was leaning on Percy’s hands, following their path with every small movement of his torso, but it all became background noise when Percy got closer to his face, breathing on his lips, just an inch away from them. And Nico was completely gone. Percy placed his hands on Nico’s chest, caressing it and both of his nipples with a hard touch, one that had him melt away in a few seconds. He was almost scared about what could have happened to his powers in that state, because whatever he was feeling was just too strong.

He let out a sigh of pleasure while laying a long, languid kiss on Percy’s red lips, feeling the other’s breath itch for a second. Then, as the hands were on his stomach and on his hips again, he tilted his head just enough so that he could kiss Percy’s neck right below his jaw, leaving small bites below his chin and Adam’s apple. He could see and feel Percy’s chest rising and falling at an irregular pace as he worked his way to the older boy’s shoulder and, exposing the naked skin underneath the fabric of his shirt, biting a bit harder this time because it was becoming increasingly difficult to get a hold of himself. Then, as he straightened again, he felt Percy’s hand lightly clawing his side, a small cry escaping from his throat as Nico bit into his neck again, near his ear this time.

Then, Percy’s grip became less gentle when caressing his thighs and hips. Nico’s hands then found Percy’s neck, holding it steadily when he went to kiss Percy again, this time without even trying to hold back. And as he did, he felt Percy’s quiet moan into his mouth, and it felt like the vibration had directly traveled in between his legs. Percy’s hands were now dangerously close to that area, but Nico couldn’t bring himself to even care. If it was because of him that Percy Jackson was moaning beneath him, then he didn’t need to know anything else.

He kept on tasting him, wondering how what was still in Percy’s pants would feel like on his tongue. He let another quiet cry crawl out of his lips when Percy’s hands found their way to the front of his pants. That sent a powerful shiver down his spine as he finally let go of the other’s mouth.

“Lay down.” He ordered, not even recognizing his husky, quiet voice when he spoke.

Percy didn’t hesitate. He just laid down on the sand relatively quickly, taking Nico by his arm and making him follow. Now he was on top of Percy, and that vision made his thoughts finally shut up after he didn’t know how many days. His mind had never been so quiet as he kissed Percy’s neck again, leaving wet kisses along all its length while trying to catch his breath, lifting Percy’s t-shirt up slowly, feeling the older boy’s muscles tense at his touch and small huffs coming out of Percy’s slightly parted lips. He kissed every inch of skin, taking in the other’s smell of salt and musk, the sight of the older boy’s tan skin slightly illuminated by a weak ray of light making him think that there was no way he could possibly get away with doing that. But then, his thoughts stilled and quieted again, because Percy was digging his hands into his hair and he was pulling, sending Nico’s head spinning with want, and need, and literally everything in between. He let his mouth roam lower on Percy’s stomach and even lower, where a darker set of hair started just below his belly button. Nico dared to lick the part, just to see if he would get a reaction. And he did, as Percy hissed at the contact, his hips jerking up in a smooth movement that made Nico wonder what else he could do to him just to get that same reaction.

Nico then seemed to remember how to use his hands, touching the older boy’s thighs above his pants and caressing them, crawling closer to Percy’s groin. As he did that, small gasps of anticipation left Percy’s mouth, every noise he made making Nico move closer to the hardness in between the other’s legs. Feeling Percy growing tense underneath his touch and his mouth made him feel like the most powerful being in the world. He couldn’t do anything but follow his instincts by that point, them telling him where to lick and where to bite, having to catch his breath when Percy’s muscles would contract and he could hear every small, breathy moan coming from the older boy.

Inhaling his skin once again, Nico started working to take off Jackson’s pants, and he was more than pleasantly surprised when Percy immediately lift his hips up to allow him to slide them down his thighs. As he eyed Percy’s crotch, gray boxers still on, he could clearly make out the outline of the older boy’s length, and he felt like just sitting there and stare for hours, still in between Percy's legs, taking in his scent and touching every inch of skin he could lay eyes on. That felt too powerful for him to comprehend, the languid look in his eyes consciously on display when he looked up toward Percy’s face. He then lowered his head to kiss the tip of the erection, slowly dragging his tongue from its base to the top. Percy’s hips then jerked beautifully towards his mouth, a less quiet moan dying in his throat.

“Nico, _please_ …” Percy whispered in a breathy, pleading voice.

That almost made Nico shudder with anticipation, as he felt a sense of pride building up in his chest. The knowledge that he was the one making Percy helplessly beg for some touch felt like the best feeling he ever had, better than praise, better than victory, better than every food he ever tried. If he only could he would sell his soul to feel like that every second of his life.

But then, as he was still eyeing the son of Poseidon with a lustful look in his eyes, he knew couldn’t dwell in that feeling for long. He didn’t want to disappoint him. Nico would have done whatever he needed to do to make Percy feel good. He didn’t want to deny him of any pleasure, and he knew he was being completely hypocritical with himself when he thought that. He could go from wanting to make him suffer like hell and loving – maybe too much – how hurt looked on the other’s face, to being sure that he could find the strength to fight a whole hoard of monsters and giants from the Underworld just to protect the son of Poseidon from harm. Right then, it was clearly the latter.

So he just kissed Percy’s length again while he lowered his boxers, taking in the lewd vision that presented itself to him as soon as he was finished pulling out the other’s member from his clothes. Percy’s erection was right beneath his hand as he was stroking it lightly while he kept on listening intently to every one of Percy’s breaths and gasps and small moans. The other boy’s member was relatively long, he thought, at least considering the ones he had seen. His skin was darker than his own, he noticed as he was languidly licking its length, Percy’s hum of pleasure filling his ears like the most beautiful music.

He wanted, demanded to hear more of that and only that for hours, days. He took Percy’s length in his mouth, dwelling in the satisfaction of hearing Percy hiss and moan. The older boy's hands that were before still or just caressing him were now pulling his hair yet again, slightly hurting his scalp. Nico didn’t mind at all, though. And he knew Percy was not that stupid to not notice the small moan deep in Nico’s throat when he strengthened his grip on his hair. Nico more or less knew what to do, his only experiences with sex had with Will. He knew him and Will had different tastes, different buttons to push to turn them on, so he always guessed that Percy did too. He had no idea where to start, though. For then, he just kept on mouthing the older boy’s erection, slowly and steadily, massaging its tip and just below the head. He then took all the length he could in his mouth after taking in a deep breath, more to stop the shivering coming from the pleasure Percy’s sighs were giving him than to catch his breath. Percy did indeed taste salty there too, and his smell was completely inebriating to him. He felt poisoned, almost. He could have kept on going for days, having Percy like that and being able to explore his body exactly like he was doing. He was still searching for something that would spark some other reaction apart from the – now definitely not so silent anymore – moans escaping from the older demigod’s lips, some kind of flip he could switch to have more of that helplessness he felt when Percy had begged him before.

There was only so much he could do with his tongue, so he let his hands wander to then stop on Percy’s groin, caressing the sensitive skin at the base of his member, paying close attention to the muscles tensing in that area. He was still not getting what he wanted, though, so he kept on going while bobbing his head at a slow pace because he was just too focused on the other to go any faster. He knew that was frustrating for the other, as he kept on making small shifts of his hips to get them closer to Nico’s lips whenever he could. Nico made a mental note to just observe for another minute, still. If he hadn't found anything new by then, he would have just kept on going with the blowjob and trying not to think about what he could use to make Percy really remember that moment. He let his hands crawl around the other boy’s thighs, this time exposed, curly hair moving beneath Nico’s fingers. When another movement of Percy’s hips made Nico gasp in surprise, he just grabbed both of his thighs with a strong, demanding grip, keeping him still. To do that, he let his nails sink into his skin almost inadvertently. Percy’s reaction to that was to suddenly clench one of his fists into Nico’s hair, halting his breath for half a second before moaning loudly, his hips stilling in their place.

That was exactly the music Nico wanted to hear. It reached his own erection in a matter of instants, and his interest sparked up once again.

So, Percy might like it rough, he thought. Casually, that was also his own taste. It was too good to be true.

He slowly pulled back Percy’s member from his mouth, a trail of saliva following his lips as he gladly licked it off before observing the other boy through half-lidded, but attentive, eyes. He extracted the nails from Percy’s skin just to claw them shortly, curious about the reaction he would get.

And, indeed, after a frustrated cry from Nico’s mouth leaving his member exposed, Percy just moaned again, harder this time, his muscles contracting again and his back arching just a bit from the ground. A smirk rose on Nico’s lips when one of Percy’s hands went to cover his face in an adorable gesture, even though Nico really couldn’t see any reason why the other would choose to cover himself, considering how goddamn beautiful he was.

“You like this?” Nico murmured, still staring at Percy’s chest rising and falling quickly but steadily.

The other just hummed in what Nico perceived like embarrassment, and now he would have really liked to slap the other in the face.

“Can you do that when I’m close?” Percy answered, breathing heavily. “Please,” He added after a few moments in a breathy whisper, Nico loving every second of it.

He didn’t feel like he had to answer to that. He just chuckled lightly, kissing Percy’s tip to then take it in his mouth again. Now he could focus on his movements, relaxing his throat to take Percy in deeper, sucking and quickening his pace at every bob of his head. He was now eager to get as close to Percy’s edge as possible, just because he really needed to hear what it would have been like to make him come with his hands and mouth at the same time. He would have liked Percy to be loud, just imaging it making him shiver in anticipation. Percy’s hips remained still for some time, him evidently trying to stay as Nico wanted him to. He then started moaning and sighing again, breath steadily rising its pace with every thrust of Nico’s head, and he could hear small yesses and cries of frustration crawling out the older boy’s throat, adoring every instant of those moments.

His throat and mouth were sore, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, because he could feel Percy’s body heating up more every second, sweat forming on his chest and abdomen, the smell of it reaching Nico’s nostrils and making him lose his mind. Then, he felt Percy’s hand lightly scratching the back of his head while still holding onto his hair, and another urgent cry escaped his lips. Nico took that as a request, so he gladly did as he was told. He again went nails neep into Percy’s thighs, leaving a trail of red scratches traveling down from the inside of his upper legs to his knee. And with every second he did that, Percy’s back arched a bit more as his sighs became loud moans. When he was done, he felt Percy’s breath growing louder, sounding more desperate than anything. Nico’s head didn’t stop its movements in the meanwhile, and he was feeling Percy’s erection growing harder and just radiating warmth by that point.

The hand in his hair then pulled again shortly, and Nico was attentive again.

“Nico…” Percy pleaded, and gods how he loved hearing his name in Percy’s voice.

He took that as a request too, so he complied again, eager to hear that same sound another time. This time, though, he lightly caressed Percy’s thighs before moving onto his abdomen. He gripped Percy’s waist tightly, nails down into his skin and just clawed at his hips, feeling the skin bend below his hands and making Percy moan loudly from the pleasure again, his head now tilted back as Nico worked his way through Percy’s orgasm. Nico didn’t bother to move to release his erection, fully aware of how a warm, slick liquid was filling his mouth. He swallowed the first part, quickly letting go of Percy’s throbbing erection just to take it into his hand and quickly stroke it in a firm grip, his other hand grabbing the older boy’s hip with his nails still digging into his skin. Percy was letting out the most gorgeous cries and sobs, his hand still covering his mouth and Nico would have really liked to _kill_ him for that.

So, he let his anger do the work. He slid up against him, a hand still pumping Percy towards the end, and he just used his other hand to forcefully grab his arm and yank it away from the other boy's mouth, pinning it down beside his head.

Then, Nico just stared.

Percy’s brows were furrowed and his forehead humid with sweat as he suddenly opened his eyes to look at Nico. He just looked at him with wide pupils through half-lidded eyes, panting and moaning with his mouth open to take in more air. His face was flushed red, and Nico felt almost scared by the wave of arousal and lust that crashed onto him when he saw that. He saw Percy’s jaw tighten as he pressed his lips together, a low and long hum vibrating in his throat as he closed his eyes and started relaxing. Nico slowed down his pace, feeling Percy’s member grow limp in his hand with time, and he just let go when he thought he was no longer needed. The hand in Nico’s hair released them from its grip, now caressing his neck, the older boy’s huffed breath on his face. He felt the other relax underneath him, muscles releasing their tension while he freed Percy’s arm from his grip. The other just opened his eyes again and stared. Nico lowered his head when he felt Percy’s gaze burning on his lips, laying closer to the older boy just so that Percy could lay some wet kisses on his lips while he tried to catch his breath.

“Thank you for that,” Percy breathed just a few inches from Nico’s mouth, and how was Nico dying to hear his voice like that. “It’s just a... thing I have. I’m not proud of it, though.”

Nico then kissed him again because he seriously didn’t want him to continue with that bullshit.

“Just shut up for once, will you?” Nico murmured, breaking the kiss. He was still breathing heavily himself, even though he couldn’t do anything about that.

Percy then cupped his face, a chuckle leaving his lips.

“So, how do _you_ like it?” He asked, voice low and hoarse. Just how Nico liked it.

He didn’t know if he really wanted to answer that question. His head was still fucked up from the vision of Percy reaching his climax underneath him.

“Depends what…” He muttered, heat rising to his face. He couldn’t believe he had just given Percy Jackson a blowjob and now he was blushing in front of him.

Percy just chuckled underneath him, and gods if Nico liked that sound. Percy could have told everything to him and he would still have appreciated the sound of it.

Still, it bothered him that he was laughing _at_ him.

“You don’t like water, right?” Percy asked, after a few seconds of thinking and looking at something on the ceiling of the cave.

He looked at Nico in the eyes, expecting an answer.

Nico saw something in that look, some kind of excitement and anticipation. That made him frown, and he reluctantly left his place on top of the other, positioning himself on Percy’s side, head sustained by his hand while he looked at the son of Poseidon up and down.

“I like water. I just don’t like being in it,” Nico replied in a murmur because his mind was still completely gone from Percy’s whole being, there right in front of him.

He saw a smirk raising on the other’s face as he looked at Nico again, an arm behind his head.

“Well, I’ll make you change your mind, di Angelo,” Percy said in a suggesting tone that made what was in Nico’s pants even more bothersome.

He didn’t want to ask. He would have liked for Percy to directly show him. So, he just stared at the other with a look that probably seemed pretty dreamy and just completely out of it from the outside. Nico didn’t care how desperate he looked. Nothing mattered anymore, because Percy was getting up and pulling up his boxers again while losing his pants on the sand, along with his orange camp t-shirt. Nico just kept on watching intently, almost not bothering with keeping his mouth from basically drooling at the sight of Percy’s naked back with patches of white sand here and there, and his long, tan legs that still had Nico’s scratch marks on them. He thought he was literally about to explode.

Percy then just looked at him, turning around and just stretching his arms above his head, and now Nico was seriously about to punch him in the face.

“You can stop showing off now, Jackson,” Nico muttered tartly, slowly getting up from the sand to sit against the rocky wall behind him.

Percy just stopped for a second, like he was just processing that statement, before smirking at him like the gorgeous jerk he was.

“So you want me to put on my clothes again?” He asked, teasingly.

Nico was loving the fact that he had had no idea of the existence of that side of Percy until that moment. At the same time, he was hating the fact that Percy _did_ have that bratty side.

Nico just chuckled dryly.

“I’m still waiting, you know,” Nico said, crossing his arms on his chest.

Percy then walked right in front of him, offering him a hand. The smirk on his face making space for a crooked smile, his eyes lively and excited.

“You don’t have to wait. Come with me,” Percy replied.

Nico didn’t think about it twice. He took Percy’s hand and got up from the floor.

“You want to leave your clothes here, though. Unless you want to surprise me showing how you swim with those on, which…”

“Fine. Just go, I’ll catch up,” Nico interrupted, knowing fully well that Percy would have just mocked him again if he had let him finish that sentence.

Percy just stood there, a questioning look on his face. He was still holding his hand.

“Can’t I look?” The son of Poseidon grinned maliciously, looking him up and down.

And of course Percy wanted to see him undress. What was he thinking, that he could get away with his body insecurities just by not mentioning them?

A sense of uncomfortableness grew in his chest. He tried to keep on a cold exterior.

“No. Don’t worry, I’m not that stupid to get lost inside a small –“

And his stomach dropped a few feet, because Percy had just come a little closer and was cupping his face and was kissing him again, his tongue making his way into Nico’s mouth way more than before because now Nico was too stunned to take control of the situation. Percy was then pushing him back against the humid wall of the cave, caressing his face with one hand and leading the other under his shirt and lifting it up to expose Nico’s abdomen, and he was just completely overwhelmed by that touch again. So he just shut up, even though he would have really liked for Percy to give him just a little bit more time to take the situation in his own hands.

He just couldn’t fight back. Percy could have thrown him around and he would have let him. That was the scariest but most liberating feeling of all.

Just like that, Percy slowed down the kisses, his tongue now more gentle and kind, licking his lips and smiling as he kissed him. He lifted his shirt up again, gradually bringing it higher and higher until Nico reflexively lifted up his arms so that Percy could do what he needed to do. As he did, breaking the kiss for just a few seconds and skillfully removing the piece of clothing, he cupped Nico’s face again, keeping on kissing him. Percy’s hands then were everywhere, from Nico’s chest and nipples to his back, his touch burning like acid on his skin and almost making him shiver from the heat. The older demigod placed his chest on his, then, as he worked towards his pants, pulling them down slowly, and that made Nico panic internally for a few moments.

He was definitely nothing compared to Percy, there was no question about it. He was nothing compared to many people, actually. He would have really liked to just ask people what they found in him, internally and externally. Percy couldn’t possibly enjoy what he was seeing as much as he did when looking at Annabeth. He let out a resigned, trembling sigh, while he let Percy work his way down with his pants, trying to focus on the saltiness of his mouth and the musky smell of his sweat. Nico tried to take off his shoes without breaking the kiss, and he somehow managed, before letting his pants slide out on the sand. He cursed himself for not doing that before because his socks were now just full of sand and it felt like the most annoying thing ever.

More annoying than that was only the fact that Percy broke the kiss, looking at him through half-lidded eyes and caressing his legs and hips.

Nico just opened his eyes to look above his head, quickly licking his lips and pulling them into a thin line, his breath still trembling.

He really didn’t want Percy to notice how much he was affected by the fact that he was basically naked apart from his boxers.

“Nico, come on,” Percy murmured close to his lips, and Nico could feel his eyes on him. “Don’t bother worrying about being naked. I like you better this way.”

Nico felt his cheeks and ears suddenly warming up and fuck, he was hating himself for blushing yet again at that comment. He should be happy, not blush like a twelve-year-old girl on her first date.

“It’s fucking cold, Percy,” He argued, trying to hide the self-consciousness and anxiety away in his mind. Nevermind that he just called Jackson “Percy”. He didn’t have the time to cringe about that too.

“Not for long,” Percy chuckled, kissing him again and laying a kiss on his cheek.

He took his hand again, leading him towards the water and squeezing it tight.

He then turned towards Nico, smiling at him sideways, his feet already immersed in the water.

“Let’s go?” Percy asked, and Nico could see how Percy just kept on eyeing him and his chest like he couldn’t take his eyes off of it. Nico had no idea if that was a good or bad sign.

He just gave a quick nod, promptly removing his socks, and Percy just started walking towards the entrance of the cave. Nico did the same, the older demigod still holding his hand without seeming to loosen his grip.

The water was indeed cold, but what Nico had said just before was a pure lie. He was almost sweating from the heat, and the cave was not even remotely cold. So, the chilly water was a huge relief for him, sending goosebumps over his back and arms.

The most difficult part about heading out where the parts were the water reached the extremely low ceiling of the cavern, and both of them had to swim underwater for some small stretches. One of the reasons why he hated swimming was that his hair was just too long to stay away from his face when he reemerged. He still didn’t want to cut them, though. There was no point in doing that, they grew back too fast anyway. Also, he had no idea how to cut them in the first place.

When they finally managed to escape, the inlet was just how he saw it from the cliff above. Water still gently crashing on the rocks that were now half underwater, the moon shining on the white foam and the smell of salt and still water in the air. The water wasn’t even that cold, that point probably being stiller than the rest on the bay.

Percy was still holding his hand, guiding him through the rocks and helping him by generating currents that would push Nico directly towards him. They were now in a point in which he could feel the soft sand underneath his feet, and Percy was right in front of him. His wet hair was pushed back, finally revealing all his stunning features, lips red and cheeks still darker than they should have been. He had drops of water sliding on his chest and neck, and a sweet smile on his face. A smile that Nico had only seen on his face when talking to Annabeth. Nico felt his legs grow weak at that thought.

Percy still seemed thoughtful, though.

“You look good with wet hair,” Percy stated. It seemed both an affirmation and a question, and Nico wondered why he had that uncertain tone in his voice.

He looked at him weirdly and was about to ask what he meant by that, but he was interrupted by Percy’s hands just lifting him up and just throwing him in a deeper spot of water really close to them.

Nico widened his eyes and let out a scream before falling deep into the water, cursing Percy with every inch of his being. Still underwater, he could hear Percy laughing, and he felt another splash close to him. Two arms then held him tight, pulling him up towards the surface. He surfaced with a big gasp, coughing one or two times before pulling his hair back and rubbing the water out of his eyes.

“You’re a fucking jerk, Jackson, I don’t even know why I’m still so stupid to listen to you,” He started, and Percy fucking Jackson was just laughing his ass off right in front of him.

“You should listen to me because, first of all, I know what I’m doing,” Percy said, finally getting a hold of himself. “We’re in my natural element here, if you didn’t notice.”

“I just notice you being an asshole, honestly,” Nico argued, still trying to get all the water out of his eyes. “And _Vaffanculo_ , I don’t need you to rescue me from the water, I know how to swim.”

“You sure?” And just like that, he let go of Nico, making him fall into the water again.

This time, Nico was quicker, because he managed to leave his head out and float by himself, shaking his head to remove the few har still on his face. That didn’t work, though, since even more hair was now on his face and in his eyes and he just sighed in frustration while Percy just kept on laughing in front of him.

“What does that mean anyway?” Percy asked, still giggling when he came closer to him. He gently removed Nico’s hair from his face, placing them behind his ears. “Is it you cursing at me in Italian again? Because it sure seemed like it.”

“So you’re not that stupid, after all,” Nico muttered, still looking at him sideways. “Actually, it means I love you. Go figure,” He said in a sarcastic tone. The fact that Percy didn’t know shit about Italian was the only thing that still gave him some kind of power in that situation.

“ _Vaffanculo_ to you too, then,” Percy joked, saying the word in all the wrong ways and making Nico chuckle.

And fuck, he was so tired of his mind repeating to itself just how beautiful Percy was. He couldn’t find a single, small flaw in his appearance, and he had no idea if that had to do with the son of Poseidon actually being that beautiful or if he was just desperate to get close to him by that point.

They were now close again, just staring at each other’s eyes. Percy looked at him with a dubious look, gently touching his waist underwater. Nico knew what he was asking. He couldn’t refuse. There was just no reason to.

He came closer to the older boy, laying a couple of kisses on his wet lips, and throwing his arms around the son of Poseidon’s neck. He let his chest connect with the other’s, and his legs slide around Percy’s waist, caressing the soaked hair on the back of his head and just breathing on his mouth, leaving languid kisses on his lips and cheeks.

Percy caught his breath while reciprocating the kisses, putting his arms around him again and caressing his thighs, and Nico could feel that they were moving. He didn’t care to see were, though, because the skin to skin contact was sending sparkles through his whole body.

After a few moments, he found his back against a solid wall, and he felt the level of the water lowering around his and Percy’s body. The water was still at the level of his waist, though, and he was okay with that. They could have been underwater, for all he cared.

Then, Percy’s hips pressed on his groin and he had to let out a sigh, anticipating more contact. He had little to no control now, Percy being the one holding him up and doing whatever he wanted. That was close to terrifying. But he was still huffing now because Percy was now grinding against him and every moment of pressure sent him into a deeper feeling of frustration. Percy had definitely not been joking when he told him he would not make him wait.

His breath stuck in his throat when he realized that the hardness that he could feel in Percy’s boxers was growing with every thrust of his hips, and he let out a sigh of pleasure when Percy started kissing his neck hungrily, his hand traveling down around his hips and holding him down. The fact that Percy managed to get hard again after coming a few minutes before made a wave of lust and want washing over him again.

Then, Percy stopped, one of his hands grabbing his chin, and that made Nico open his eyes and let out a cry of frustration.

“You still didn’t tell me how you like it,” Percy murmured huskily near his cheek.

A shiver that had nothing to do with the fact that the temperature outside the water ran through his body when he felt Percy’s quick breath on his face.

Nico would have really liked to tell him everything. He would have liked to describe in detail every single dream he ever had about him, about his body and them being on a beach, and then in Percy’s cabin, and then in his own cabin and then in the common bathrooms but, gods, did he feel pathetic just thinking about them.

So, he let his own mouth speak for him.

“And I won’t,” Nico breathed, trying not to sound desperate. “As long as you keep being an asshole.”

Percy was still, just breathing on his lips. He opened his eyes to look directly into his, Nico practically losing himself in the green color of the son of Poseidon’s bright eyes and wide, black pupils.

“Then I guess I’ll just show you what an asshole I can be,” Percy whispered, gaze still glued to his and almost boiling with heat.

Nico’s stomach turned as he saw the malicious smirk forming on Percy’s lips, and he thanked himself for not thinking before speaking, for once.

Still staring at him in anticipation, arousal sinking down into his boxers again, Percy started working his way down Nico’s body, kissing and letting his tongue slide on Nico’s chest and abdomen, and every touch of Percy’s lips made him want to surrender and just scream how much he was enjoying having him there, almost completely naked and exposed just for him. He let his hands travel on the older demigod’s shoulders and back, touching and memorizing every bump and smooth piece of skin he could lay his hands on.

He didn’t even register the fact that Percy had kneeled on the sand below their feet, the water almost completely submerging him and engulfing him as he kissed Nico’s abdomen, biting on his skin and making Nico’s hips jerk forward without him even controlling them anymore. He let out a quiet moan before he was suddenly realizing what Percy was doing.

He looked at him from above, a confused look on his face that he didn’t even register because his head was spinning with the image of Percy kneeled down in front of him, mouthing at the side of his hip.

“What are you…” Nico managed to ask, voice rough and low, before a spark of pleasure ran through him because Percy was now underwater, cupping his erection still inside his boxers with one hand.

He let his voice die in his throat before a breathy moan managed to escape his lips, louder than it needed to be just because that was really the last thing he had expected. He knew that Percy could manipulate water and many other things, but he seriously couldn’t have imagined that he would put his powers to use in a situation like that. A sort of amusement and excitement ran through him as he laid back against the rock wall behind him and just let Percy do what he wanted to, his hands finding his hair underwater and grabbing them hard, while another hand found his shoulder, squeezing it when Percy started to lower his boxers and work with his mouth on his painfully hard erection.

The first huge wave of pleasure coming as soon as Percy’s lips found the tip of his member, licking it and sucking making Nico almost squirm from the touch because it was absolutely nothing like he had ever experienced before. It was Percy doing that, he was sure. It didn’t matter how skilled Percy was or was not with his tongue, Nico would have allowed everything just because his mind just couldn’t bear with the fact that Percy Jackson was giving him an underwater blowjob and it felt like heaven on Earth. He was sure that a trip to Elysium couldn’t even compare to that.

He let his nails sink into the other’s shoulder when he felt Percy’s mouth travel back and forth on his length, and he was seriously hoping that being underwater could shelter Percy from hearing him moan in the most desperate, almost embarrassing way. The hand holding Percy’s hair soon went to cover his own mouth because hearing himself that way was making him cringe. Realizing how hypocritical of him that gesture was, he felt heat rising up to his face, even more, despising yet loving every second of it. Percy’s hands were now just caressing his thighs and grabbing them to hold him still, and every thrust of his head was sending Nico a bit closer to his edge, his legs not even working anymore. Thank gods the water around him kept on being fairly still because he was sure that at that point the slightest wind could just make him lose his balance. He kept from shaking, squeezing his eyes tight and hoping that Percy wouldn’t notice, but every second was getting harder and harder for him to hang on to his rational brain while he was slipping into the part of himself that wanted to just release him from every barrier he had built around himself to make him keep his cool even in situations like that.

And then, Percy quickened his pace, tilting his head a bit and taking him whole and as much as Nico was slightly concerned for the fact that he was not reemerging, he just couldn’t anymore. He felt about to burst into flames but was shivering at the same time, not controlling the force with which he was clawing the other’s shoulder anymore, and his hips just bucked forward to meet Percy’s throat. He just lost it when he felt a vibration of what he thought was one of Percy’s moans in his throat, and now he was genuinely scared his legs couldn’t hold him up any longer. His huffed and maybe too rapid breath was making him lightheaded as he felt himself reaching his edge, a deep and loud moan coming out of his lips and onto his hand. He was in heaven, he thought. It had to be. His vision going blank for a moment as his muscles contracted and finally, all the tension inside his chest was just gone. He noticed his hand shaking and his eyes rolling back along with his head, and he couldn’t distinguish if the shadows around him were there from his vision being completely blurred for a few moments, or if they were shadows that he had involuntarily summoned because he had just completely lost control of his thoughts.

He felt Percy shift, letting go of his member and getting up from the sand beneath them, slowly working his way up to him again, placing languid kisses on all his body, caressing him as he tried to get a hold of himself and the redness on his face and neck. He tried breathing in more steadily, but it only worked up to a certain point. He was still panting, the hand on his mouth sliding down to caress Percy’s hair as he let out small cries of pleasure from his orgasm. His muscles managed to gradually relax under the other’s touch and, when he finally opened his eyes, he found Percy staring at him, huffed breaths coming out of his lips and a shit-eating smirk on his mouth.

The son of Poseidon then placed his forehead against his, and Nico couldn’t have asked for something more amazing. Gods, was Percy more beautiful than every person he ever laid eyes on. He didn’t even know what he was thinking anymore.

He was just silent for a while, gathering his thoughts and regaining the little strength he had left in his legs to feel secure again on his feet, Percy’s hands caressing his face and neck.

He felt his tongue moving without remotely realizing what he was saying anymore.

“Fuck, I love you,” He let out in a silent whisper, so quiet he almost couldn’t hear himself speak.

And he felt horror crawling up towards his chest as soon as he registered what he just said. His breath constricted again, and he let his eyes remain shut because he had just ruined everything for himself. He knew that. He screamed at himself internally, hating every single bit of himself for saying that.

It wasn’t true. He didn’t want it to be.

Percy didn’t show any kind of reaction, though. He just laid warm kisses on his lips, gently cupping his face and getting closer to him.

“You mean that?” He spoke in a whisper, letting his lips slide against his cheek.

And his tone had no disgust or irony in it. It seemed like such a genuine question, that Nico couldn’t help but think that yes, he did mean that, because Percy was the only person who could free him from whatever he was feeling, and he was realizing that just then.

He hesitated, trying to hold back from rebelling against himself and his mind that was yelling at him to please lie.

Instead, he nodded. And every second after that felt like he was sinking into Tartarus all over again.

He felt Percy’s lips on the side of his mouth again, and he was smiling. He was fucking smiling for who knows what reason.

“Stay with me tonight, then,” Percy murmured, making Nico open his eyes because he could feel the other’s gaze on him.

When he did, he found Percy’s eyes glued to his, a hopeful look and a silent plead inside them.

Nico took in every little detail of his face, falling even more with every second passing.

He didn’t know what to feel anymore. He just chuckled.

“I said five minutes, Jackson,” He breathed, making Percy giggle happily before their lips collided again, and this time, Nico threw his arms around Percy’s neck and let him lift him up while the older demigod went back to the direction they came from, towards the cave.

They went back inside, this time without Percy needing to empty it of the water first. They just laughed and joked at how they hair looked when they were still wet, Percy still sticking with the comment he had made before about him looking good with wet hair that Nico simply couldn’t wrap his head around. Percy then dried them off like the son of Poseidon he was, warm vapor rising from both their bodies when he did so. They dressed up again, Nico teasing Percy about the scratches on his shoulder, knowing fully well that Percy could have healed him in a couple seconds with the help of water. The marks on his legs already did fade, leaving only slightly darker lines on Percy’s thighs. Percy let the water recede again as they were walking out the cavern, and they found himself on the cliff again, Nico sitting on the edge with Percy’s head in his lap, just staring at the sea in front of them and hearing the calm waves crashing against the rocks beneath them.

And Nico hadn’t felt that free in his whole life.

“It was you who brought the Argo II outside the bunker?” Percy asked, after a while.

“Why?” Nico replied, not wanting to admit to himself that he was still feeling proud of that small thing.

Percy thought for a few seconds before answering.

“I just love it. I’m glad you did that,” He admitted, finally looking at him. “Also it’s really huge, so it’s pretty cool that you did that yourself.”

Nico let those words sink in. Percy Jackson thought he was cool.

He felt his ten-year-old self screaming at that thought.

“Yeah, it wasn’t that hard. The Athena statue was way worse,” Nico spoke, still playing with a lock of Percy’s dark hair. They were soft and still a bit rough from the salt sticking to them.

“So, when will they hire you as the camp’s internal designer?” Percy joke, trying to suppress a smirk.

Nico just glared at him jokingly.

“You’re really funny, Jackson, I never noticed,” Nico replied dryly, not even offended by the comment. Percy could start teasing and mocking him senselessly and he would just not care. Not at that moment.

“See, that’s what happens when you avoid people,” The other teased. “You miss out on their amazing humor.”

Nico let himself chuckle at that. Percy really didn’t know half of it.

“I still don’t know why you were walking around after curfew,” Percy added then, after a few seconds of silence.

Nico pondered on the decision of telling him or not.

There he was, Percy’s head resting on his thighs, his body warm beside him and Nico’s hands through his hair and neck, with the most beautiful light shining on him and making him really look like a Greek god belonging to Olympus. He now also knew what Nico had tried to hide for years, running from him like he was the most horrid person in the world. It didn’t make sense for him to hide this anymore.

Still, something in his mind was telling him not to do that. There had to be something that Percy didn’t know about him. He already knew too much, the intimacy around them being almost suffocating if it wasn’t for that small detail. Also, he already knew that Percy would have tried to make him stay. He wasn’t in the mood for arguing or even thinking about the possibility of staying. Not after that night. Not after he had forgotten Will so easily, Percy’s request to come with him all it took for him to completely surrender to him and expose himself in ways that he didn’t even know were possible for him. He still wanted to run.

So, he lied. The two things he knew he was good at were being alone and making people believe what he wanted them to believe.

“No reason, really. I couldn’t sleep because of some bad dreams I’m having and ended up near the beach,” He stated in the calmest voice he could manage.

Percy, of course, believed him. Or if he didn’t, he was being as good as him not letting it show. Nico didn’t even feel guilty about it, for once.

“Thank you for doing that, then,” Percy smiled, eyes getting lost in the ocean in front of them, and Nico let his appreciation slide, just keeping on caressing him and taking his hand into his own.

As he watched the waves sliding on the sand, he thought about how he couldn’t imagine a more perfect goodbye.

They talked a bit more about their dreams, Nico not mentioning Tartarus until Percy did, and they ended up just brushing the topic aside because none of them wanted to remember what had happened anymore. Then Percy talked a bit more – most of the time, really – about how he was feeling leaving Camp Half-Blood, and made him promise to be present at all the other reunion parties. Nico lied again at that, telling him that he would have been there but fully knowing that it wasn’t true. Hours passed, the cold hair of the night washing away the remaining part of his doubts about staying, and they just decided they both had to go.

They said goodbye near the dining pavilion, the Argo II towering behind them as they kissed one last time in the sweetest, longest and painful kiss Nico had ever given. Percy’s smell still in his throat, he walked away first, leaving him with nothing more than a “see you in a month”, that being the most difficult lie he had to mutter out before practically running to his cabin.

It was still nighttime and dark all around the cabins as he watched Percy get back into the Poseidon’s cabin for the last time, his chest constricted by the thought of him not being able to see his face up close for a long time. He opened the door to his cabin, throwing off his clothes on his bed, ruining the effort that Will had put cleaning his cabin that morning, and he slipped under the covers, not bothering to put some pajamas on. When he still couldn’t sleep, his mind clouded by everything that had happened and his doubts creeping in again, he just got up and picked up his shirt from the floor, pleasantly finding out that Percy’s smell seemed to have transferred onto it. He just took it to bed, and slept with it under his head, inhaling the remaining images of the son of Poseidon’s hair and eyes and lips and body and everything Nico could remember about him. He dozed off peacefully, dreaming of nothing.

Nico woke up the morning after, pretty late even for his standards. He had forgotten about setting an alarm on his clock, and he cursed at himself for that. The shirt under his head still smelled like Percy, and he just caressed it lightly before remembering that Percy was probably gone.

Sometime later – he didn’t know how much –, he heard a knock on the door. As he got up less reluctantly than most days, he heard Will’s voice on the other side. Rubbing his eyes, he rapidly slid in one of the random shirts and pants he had folded onto another bed and headed towards the door.

As he opened it, Will had that same familiar concerned and kind look in his blue eyes.

“Hey, sunshine,” Will said, seeming tired. “How did the night go?”

Nico smiled softly at him.

“Not bad, actually,” He replied, scratching the side of his head.

Will then reacted with the most relieved, sweet smile, and Nico felt butterflies rising up in his stomach at that.

And it was there, his boyfriend looking at him like he was the most important person in the world, even though he was probably looking not that good and he was definitely not that attractive, that his realization kicked in. His chest regained its usual, familiar heaviness, and he quickly excused himself, asking Will to wait outside. His boyfriend complied, urging him to be fast because he was just starting his shift in the infirmary and he really didn’t want to be late.

Nico then closed the door, turning to look at the folded clothes on the red covers of the bed. He thought about Will, Hazel, Jason, Reyna, Piper, Leo and everyone that he refused to admit he cared about. He thought about Percy and how he was sure he would have convinced him to stay, if only he had admitted that he was running away for the millionth time. Something switched in his brain, and he remembered what he had told himself sometime before. Running was not worth it anymore. He would have kept on running from anything, in and out of the Underworld. He was made to live that kind of life. He might as well give it a shot. It was probably going to end badly, but he would have tried.

He wasn’t meant for that world, he knew that. He could feel that deep inside his soul, ingrained in his being. But it was so easy for him to run, he could have just done it whenever he wanted by that point. So, there was no point anymore. There was never a point in running.

He stayed. At least for today, he told himself.

And holding Will’s hand as soon as he walked out the door of his cabin, his ring still in place on his right hand to comfort him and give him strength, felt exactly like coming back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translation of the Italian terms: 
> 
> Tesoro: lit. Dear, honey, etc.  
> Ma chi me lo fa fare?: lit. Who's making me do this?  
> Vaffanculo: lit. Fuck you.
> 
> so, this is it. thanks for sticking till the end and thank you for taking the time to read this, it has been so fun writing. I have so many things to say about Percy and Nico here but I better shut up before I write more.
> 
> also I'm working on something like Nico's stories from when he is in the Underworld, in between the series and during the books. so that's a new thing I'll overfixate with. but we'll see.
> 
> thank you again to everyone of you!!


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